Hello, there are so much attractive girls in this world but the problem is within me.
I do not have sufficient courage to approach a girl easily at the age of 22, and to ask her out.
I've been single my whole life for this simple reason, I want to change but do not know how to do so.
I will really appreciate your help in this situation which lead to sadness, and sometimes depression.
I feel so weak, help me to become stronger please in order to reach the happiness that I deserve like everyone in this world.
Thank you !
Most Helpful Guy
I watched a TV show once that had magicians going on stage to perform against each other in a competition. And one of the magicians was this calm looking 16 year old kid. They asked him if he ever get's nervous and he said, "No, I don't get nervous. I get prepared."
You're nervous because you're focused on the wrong things and you're not prepared for all of the tiny baby steps that happen between seeing a girl, meeting her, talking to her, touching her, and making a date.
I recommend two things... Education and Experience.
1) Learn the baby steps. Sit down and read a couple articles that explain all of the very tiny steps from looking at a girl, to talking over to her, to your body language and vocal tone and eye contact, to making small talk, to making her laugh, to touching her arm/hand/elbow, to telling her about the awesome donut shop around the corner that she should join you at.
Here's a resource I've compiled myself around "escalation" which will probably help get your familiar with the basics. www.ignoreandscore.com/escalation-resources/
You're in your head too much when you're fearful about who she is and what she'll say... so learning the baby steps will help give you a structure around which you can operate. Once you know what you should do and say you'll relax.
2) Practice. This happens in two places.. in your head and in your body.
When you're most relaxed and happy day dream about meeting a girl somewhere specific and walk yourself through the interaction, how it'll look and feel, and what you'll say... what she'll say... and how it'll feel. And do this all the time. This is what they do in therapy for people with deep anxiety. It's a very safe and painless form of EXPOSURE THERAPY. It just means that by exposing yourself to nervous situations, even if they're in your head, it'll teach your body that you're not going to die... and you'll relax. Overtime your fear will disappear.
Once you're okay with meeting girls in your head, it's time to meet PEOPLE in your body. This just means forcing yourself to be more social. Picking up women is exactly the same as being a friendly social person. So teach yourself how to make friendly small talk with strangers.
And not just women, everyone! Men, women, children. Ask people how they're doing, what time it is, how they like that frozen pizza they are buying, etc.
This is the fastest way to get good with women... by being good with people.
Do this every time you're out for the rest of your life.
Does this help?
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