Can you explain dating "buyer's remorse"?

Last Friday I took a woman out for drinks. We had a nice time. No physical interaction, and none attempted. We just talked and got to know each other. I focused on respecting her, listening, making her feel comfortable, lowering apprehension and fear, making her feel safe. We didn't know each other very well. We had briefly seen each other in passing a few times, and had some friendly texting.

At the end of the date, I walked to her door, but did not attempt physical contact as she did not seem to pause or give any indication it was wanted. She did smile, was bright, said she had a nice time and we should do this again. I felt it had gone well. I was pleased.

The following Saturday, the night after our date, I texted her. She got back to me on Sunday, the day after my text. The message was nothing interesting except that it ended with "have a good week!" as if to suggest she didn't want to hear from me that week. Or is that a reasonable interpretation? Why "have a good week?" I was worried about texting the following day to begin with. The Smothering Effect has been well-documented.

We haven't had any contact since. It has been about five days since we went out. The last time I saw her, she quickly looked away as soon as I noticed her, before I could gesture any kind of greeting. All of the times before that she was bright, smiling, waved.

It was as though she had buyer's remorse: happy at the time of purchase, but displeased upon later reflection.

When this happened, I realized it has happened to me before. Several times, in fact. This time there isn't as much hurt. It is as though I am becoming accustomed to this behavior, yet I don't understand it.

Ladies, what happened? Have you ever had a nice night with a gentleman, then decided the following morning you had completely lost interest in him? How does that work? Men, have you ever done this?


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What Guys Said 1

  • ... What in the world. Just ask her out again, try actually hugging her, try for actual physical contact on the date, flirt with her a bit, go for a kiss at the end man

    • I probably will ask her out again, provided she shows a bit of interest in seeing and talking to me. If history tells me anything, though, it seems unlikely I'll be able to take you up on the rest of your suggestions. Your encouragement is appreciated, though.