Why do many people want to scorn cheaters forever, doesn't everyone make mistakes?

i dont get why people are so harsh with cheaters like they can never be forgiven and should be burned at the stake there are worse things a person can do than cheating on their partner

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why is a person considered dating scum if someone cheated once in the past in another relationship its not fair, everyone deserves forgiveness, nobody's past is perfect!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because a relationship takes place between 2 people. Now, are you reffering to attitude towards cheaters in a present relationship that have cheated in a past relationship and can't get rid of the label? Or cheaters in general, as in people who usually cheat?
    I believe that, if you trust someone enough to admit to them that you cheated in a past relationship, they should at least hold in their doubts and be kind to someone opening up to them.
    Now, if it's about people who just cheat in general, as long as so many people in the world still make sense of monogamy (including myself), I do believe a cheater automatically erases all that. It's as if you asked, 'why can't I go around town naked without people looking at me weirdly'? It's because, while society still entertains the thought of monogamy, cheating will be considered a deviant behaviour. People with deviant behaviour are usually singled out by the rest of society. That's why.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mitakes are thing that happen like accidently leaving an Ss out of mistakes.
    Cheating is not a mistake... it's a bad decision which takes time and planning and underhandedness, you don't just fall onto cock or into pussy by mistake.

    Therefore cheaters are scorned.

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    • Just like I told that one woman, you're confusing mistakes with accidents. Mistakes are not synonymous with accidents.

What Girls Said 14

  • People are hard on cheaters because it's a situation that is easily avoidable: they have the option to try and fix the relationship or exit it, yet they make the selfish decision to remain in a monogamous relationship and have sex with someone else. They had other options but they picked the "easy" or more "pleasurable" one for themselves with little to no regard for their partner.

    I'm sorry but my sympathy for cheaters is absolutely minimal.

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  • Just because worse things exist in the world doesn't mean the action committed isn't as bad. Arguing about the non existent things that could have happened isn't going to change the things that did happen and the pain that came with them. This form of thinking, "it could've been worse" makes the other person's feelings illegitimate and takes all of the responsibility of the wrongdoer and places it on events that haven't even happened. If someone makes the conscious effort to forgive and move forward with the same person who hurt them, it will take a great deal of effort on their part. True forgiveness involves forgetting the hurt, the broken trust, the insecurity, and their right to be angry. True forgiveness involves a lot of sacrificing themselves in order to move forward. Some people take longer to forgive than others, some people need an entire lifetime. As long as they're trying to trust, trying not to be angry, trying not to be hurt the wrongdoer has no right to any qualms when those things do happen, this is a mess created by their own hands and could have been avoided entirely.

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  • I mean, yeah, there are worse things. But that doesn't change that cheating is an awful form of betrayal that breaks your partner's heart and likely causes them to have trust issues afterwards. Why should they give you a second chance? If you do it again, it would destroy them and they know it.

    And it drives me crazy that people often say stuff like "it was a mistake" "I didn't mean to" "it was the heat of the moment" etc. That's bull. You cannot accidentally have sex with someone. You knew exactly what you were doing.

    by the way when I say "you" I'm addressing cheaters in general. Not necessarily talking to you personally (unless you cheated lol).

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  • You can't oops I cheated... Opps I feel into this Vagina... Opps I called her instead of you. U gave constent...

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    • You literal broke the bond...

    • The one cheating I can't stand the most is the emotional one. Its not special anymore.

  • That's because cheating is a choice. A wrong, bad choice but it's no mistake as in forgetting your keys or accidentally spelling a word wrong.

    At the very least, if you call it a bad choice, while I would still dump the cheater, I wouldn't be as upset as if you were calling it a mistake.

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    • You do realize that what you think is a mistake, and what the definition of the word mistake is, do not match up at all, right?

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    • "Mistake - an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong"

      "Accident - an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and/or unintentionally"

      You're confusing mistakes with accidents. A mistake is literally a bad choice.

    • @thewanderingme Lol it's okay

  • My reasoning on cheating is it happened to me I took him back. This happened 3 times before I had enough & vowed never again. His reason he said it wasn't his fault she kept coming on to me. I guess he didn't know how to say no I have a girlfriend already.

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  • Well when someone says cheaters are vile detestable creatures who deserve to rot in hell I think they're just channeling their darkest insecurities, but for the most part, I think people have a realistic attitude towards cheaters.

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  • Cheating isn't a mistake.

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    • By definition, it is.

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    • @Xelebrum fine, but let's see how you react to someone cheating on you and then saying "oh, I made a mistake". I'd love to see how you'd feel about definition then.

    • It seems you think I'm trying to justify cheating. I am not justifying it at all. All I'm doing is clarifying that cheating does fall under being a mistake (assuming the cheater regrets cheating) because it is a bad choice, not an accident like how too many people think the word mistake means. And me being cheated on would not change my nonexistent feelings for the definition of the word mistake. It is what it is.

  • because society would like to believe that no one is capable of change. especially for the better.

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  • Usually cheaters serial cheat.

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  • Yes everyone does but if you keep making the same mistake over and over then it's really not a mistake you know what your doing and you don't correct the mistake by not doing it again

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  • Maybe a little jealousy?

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  • I agree with you - everyone is too harsh on cheaters. People make mistakes and relationships are complex. Yes the right thing to do is end one relationship before starting a new one. But do you you really know where the start or end is? You could say that the start is where you saybyou are exclusive but really relationships start before that and can develop and creep up on you and before you know it you have more feelings for someone than the friendship you thought it was because this friend was fulfilling a need you didn't realise you had let alone that you were not getting that from your partner. And where is the end of a relationship - is it the day you verbally agree to split up, or is it when someone in the relationship cannot be bothered to put in more effort? On top of that, what is cheating? Most people agree it is when you have sex and when you passionately kiss someone else. But others consider having feelings for someone else and youusually can't control your feelings. The bad thing about vheatingbis clearly that it involves broken trust. Most people only see that the person who cheats betrays their partner because they promised notto be involved with someone else - that is, they broke the spoken agreement. But few people see that often the cheater has also been betrayed because in exchange for exclusivity, both parties trust that their partner will love and care for them. When their partner stops loving and caring for them, trust is also broken.

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  • Cheating is a choice. If you choose to cheat once then you're able to choose it again. It destroys trust. It may not be the worst thing you can do but it's still bad.

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What Guys Said 18

  • While cheating is incredibly fucked up and cheaters deserve to be scorned, I do agree that after a while it's petty to keep demonizing cheaters for what they did.

    Like if a guy cheated on his girlfriend 10 years ago, owned up to his mistake, and aspired to better himself ever since, and you keep giving him shit by calling worthless cheating scum or whatever, then you're petty as fuck.

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    • this is exactly what i mean a person who cheats once is considered scum forever and its not fair

  • Cheating is not a mistake, like, "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to pick up some milk on the way home." Cheating is an intentional act of misconduct, like "I know you're not my husband and I want you to fuck me 'til I scream, then I can lie to my husband about it." Yes, there is a difference.

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  • Yeah, what happened to the "past is the past" mantra that everyone usually supports 😅

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  • Just because murder is worse doesn't mean that cheating isn't bad.

    Of course, there are circumstances under which cheating actually makes sense, although technically if you feel like you should cheat to be happy and actually do find another person you fall for and cheat with; that just means your relationship ended without the other party knowing about it.

    I think cheaters aren't *that* horrible, but the way they handle their problem is dishonest. I think people who lash out in anger through physical violence are far worse in comparison - the ones who try to murder you for having cheated on them. I think that's just insane.

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  • A mistake is to kiss someone; to fully insert your penis into a vagina is intentional and direct violation of a contract within a relationship.

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  • Cheating is a trifecta of evil: dishonesty, cowardice, and betrayal all bundled into one. It's an intentional, basically giant middle finger to your partner (well, ex-partner rather). It's not a mistake. Cheating is a conscious decision to attack and break your relationship/marriage bond with your partner.

    "It was an accident... I was weak... I couldn't do anything to prevent it..." Fuck off. Every excuse I hear for cheating is PURE BULLSHIT. I hate cheaters with a passion. Been cheated on twice, and my mother cheated on my dad, who is the kindest, most devoted father I could ask for. I hope I don't have to deal with it again.

    Seriously, cheaters are absolutely despicable trash.

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    • Just FYI, the strong language isn't directed at you, my friend. It's just me rambling and reminiscing about shittier times.

  • I don't think they should be killed. And I think murder is worse than cheating and I'm opposed to the death penalty. But cheating is really low behavior and doesn't need any "Oh it's not so bad" cheerleading.

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  • Cause it's not a mistake, they were very much aware of what they were doing and how much pain they will cause on their partner.
    I'm never gonna forgive someone who purposely betrayed and hurt another person.

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  • Because cheating is not an mistake. It's a consiously made bad decision.

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    • That is literally what the definition of the word "mistake" is.

    • @Xelebrum none the less it's something that could have been EASILY avoided.

  • First of all, who will know?
    And who will care?

    It's not like you committed murder or something.

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  • Tell you what, you can take all the cheaters off our collective hands. Deal?

    Cheaters are absolutely useless.

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  • Cheating is okay, I do that all the time in exams :P

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  • once you lost crushed someones trust in you its hard to regain it if you ever can.

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  • Broken trust is hard to fix. That's all there is to this, period

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  • Whats worse than that?

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    • tons of things. I'm not saying it isn't wrong, but there's many worse things a person can do to another.

    • @thewanderingme like what? the only thing I can think of is murder.

  • Cheating on your spouse is incredibly selfish and it says a lot about you as a person. Either you didn't care about how your actions would affect your significant other or you're so self-absorbed that you didn't even consider how your actions would affect them. It's not the cheating so much as the despicable character traits that a person has to have to cheat.

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  • Cheating is not a "mistake", it is a deliberate act of wrongdoing.

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    • mis·take (məˈstāk)
      noun
      1. an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong.
      verb
      1. be wrong about

      Why on Earth do you people think that mistake and accident are synonyms? -_-

  • I honestly have never cheated. No I don't think I'm a saint or a nice guy or whatever, I just don't see the point. If I don't enjoy a relationship anymore, I leave. I think sex is better with someone you're comfortable with, you know what each other likes and you can ask her to do stuff to you and not feel awkward which is soooo much better in my opinion.

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