Would you be okay with dating an asexual?

I joined a dating site hoping to find other aces, stating clearly that I'm asexual. But I still got lots of messages from straight guys who didn't seem to think it was a problem. I know they saw it because they'd show that they read my profile and this was written in bold, first sentence. I'm confused, since I figured this would, understandably, be a huge dealbreaker.

Would you be okay with dating an asexual? How do you think asexuality would affect your relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would have said no years ago, but as time goes on sex seems more and more like an obligation of relationships rather than something I look forward to, so datjng someone with no interest in sex might be quite liberating, I'd certainly be willing to give it a go if I was ever back on the market.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would never. I couldn't be with someone who I couldn't eventually have sex with. It's important.

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    • Thanks for the MHO

    • I couldn't agree with you more. Even though sex is not the most important thing I couldn't be with someone and not have any.

    • No problem. Thanks for sharing your view!

What Guys Said 15

  • It's funny cause I've seen people say "Wouldn't you want to be an Asexual if you could?" and like half the comments are "Totally! That'd make things so much simpler."

    But then you come here, and you see something that people who wish they were Asexual don't realize.
    People don't want to date Asexuals.

    I don't blame them, either. A person's sexuality is at the core of a relationship.

    Asexuality isn't something to be glorified. It's a challenging sexuality, just like anything outside of Heterosexuality is a challenging thing.

    I'm a Grace, or gray-ace. I don't have any issues dating an Asexual. But I'm sure you were more curious about Straight guys.

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    • Yeah, on one hand I guess it's nice that they think it's a good thing? But on the other, they probably don't understand the problems that come with it, haha. I guess when you don't have to deal with it, it just doesn't occur.

      But anyway, I appreciate your input as well, even if you're not a straight guy. Nice to see someone else who gets it.

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    • I keep feeling like I understand allosexuality, and then something random totally throws me off again, haha. But yeah, representation for aces (and gray-aces, for that matter, who I've seen even less about in media) is pretty pathetic, so I can see why it would be difficult for people to get.

      And, for the record, your contribution elsewhere on the thread is also appreciated. I'm trying to remind myself not to engage in futile arguments (which I should've remembered earlier, but... too late), but it's at least good to see that I wasn't imagining things.

    • I don't mind that gray aces are under-represented. We're nothing special. Understanding Asexuality helps all of us together. We all are under that umbrella.
      Allosexuality is fine to me. As long as it isn't being shoved down my throat or pushed on me. Just like any sexuality. It would be nice to see more Asexual representation. I make games, so maybe I'll try to put minor allusions of it into my material. Y'know, without being heavy handed.
      It's small, but it's a start.

      I got heated in that argument, but rightly so. I'm sure your judgement was spot on, if you got the same vibe I did.

      I don't believe any argument is futile if it can give you a chance to reinforce your beliefs or, better yet, can teach you humility. Preferably both.
      So never be afraid to speak out if you feel something isn't right. Just remember to learn something new or take a new viewpoint with you when you do.

  • No, I wouldn't. And also I don't think asexuality is something "you are born with", but rather a result/symptom of other aspects of a person and their psyche.

    So no, I would not date an asexual, because I think sexuality is a relevant and important aspect of a functioning relationship and secondly because something went wrong with their psyche.

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  • I did... before she really told me she was a sexual!
    Had a blast everytime we hung out... i liked her a lot...

    she gave me a handjob and we fucked once (she said it hurt too much so i stopped outta respect). Give it another try some other time...

    and then she disappeared saying how great I was but had too high of a libido.. we played around only twice though soo that was a bummer. Not sure if i could date an asexual gal again...

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    • Wait, so she knew she was asexual and just didn't tell you? I'm so sorry. D:

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    • i know! it sucks soooo bad...

      if you werent anonymous I might wanna swap some examples or stories lol

    • What a shame, lol. I'm not open about the whole ace thing, though, so you know... gotta stay anon.

  • Nope I can't

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  • Sex is intimacy with your partner. Without the physical stuff your just friends really. Guys will just see you as a challenge mostly.

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  • Does it mean you don't ever have sex?

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    • That's celibacy, actually (some asexuals are also celibate, some aren't). I have no interest in sex, no sexual attraction, no sexual desire. I'm willing to compromise while dating, but it's like... can't we just watch a movie and cuddle instead?

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    • Oh, sorry, my reflex is to fully explain because so many people get mixed up, haha. Thanks for sharing your views!

    • That's fair enough! haha no probs.

  • sure. we can cuddle and ill fuck someone else when u leave.

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  • No I wouldn't be able to

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  • How is dating an asexual different than just hanging out with somebody?

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    • Romantic feelings, different type of intimacy. I realize the line can seem blurry for people!

  • No, I don't think I could

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  • no are you crazy, ill fuck an asexual but I won't date one, there to fucking confused

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  • Not if we were the only people on earth.

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  • No. But I suppose I would be okay with seeing if I can change your view on that. Pretty confident in that sense.

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    • Lose the confidence on that front. Asexuality is an orientation, not a choice, and no amount of skill in bed is going to change that.

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    • @SomeOtherGuy What do you possibly imagine you being an arse and starting up a conversation that asker and I, then you and I, had already finished over and over will accomplish?

      You're not going to change your mind or see reason, and I am sick and tired of your nonsensical insults to my person. If you can't behave like a decent human being, then at least spare me having to deal with you.

      I checked and you were already blocked on my list. So I suppose that does mean you've been a consistent ass. If you managed to take off your biased glasses you would probably be capable of seeing that too. I won't respond to any further comments here so if your ego needs to slander strangers to feel better, by all means, go ahead. You're just making a fool out of yourself. Not that anyone but you, I and maybe the retired Asker would read though.

    • I'll give you this. You're not stupid. Maybe just poorly informed or young or lacking in empathy or tact or something, but either way I still stand on what I said.
      You talk immaturely, you are disrespectful, and you're highly manipulative in your wording and your redirection.
      Don't every act like you're doing anyone a favor when you're not. Don't act like your "kindness" is something that you point out and ask respect and admiration for.
      If you have a shred of introspection, you won't have a hard time figuring out how your phrasing has come off.

      Here's the only apology you will get from me because it's the only one you deserve and the only one I should be saying. I apologize for attacking you when I should have been attacking your actions and asking you better from yourself.
      Attacking you wasn't moral indignation. But asking you to be more introspective and empathetic and telling you how you're behaving is not okay, that is.

      Otherwise, I'm done.

  • Yeah but nah I would never no.

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  • Only people who could date asexuals, are people who are asexual themselves, and or don't want kids

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What Girls Said 2

  • It really depends on the person. Some people would be okay with that.

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  • I have no problem dating an asexual.

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