Girls, have any of you ever dated an older man (20 years older or more)?

i have always only dated guys around my age (im 18) but i have recently started talking to a much older man, he is 43, its a long story of how we started talking but at first it was completely innocent and we both understand there is a huge difference in our ages, but now we started developing feelings for each other. We just get along so well and at first i thought he was way too old for me but now im kind of coming around. im just so fed up with guys my age most of them are extremely immature and just irritate me (but im not going to get into that, thats a whole other subject) and it is so refreshing to be able to talk to someone mature and someone with similar interests (im an old soul'd type of person, i do not get this generation and wish i was a teenager in the 70s, 80s, or at least 90s) i am just really starting to consider being with him. but what is it really like?


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What Girls Said 2

  • The age difference is huge, it won't work out dear.

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  • When I was 21 I dated someone who was 29. 8 years is a big gap, but not that big. Still, it didn't work out just because we were in different stages of our lives.
    I was in college and busy with school work. He was already settled in his career and hoping to settle down and get married soon (he never proposed, the relationship didn't go that far, but I knew he was looking for a wife). At 21, I was no where near ready for settling down in marriage. And he just really didn't understand the college lifestyle.
    You say this started out being "completely innocent," but you need to really look at that. There are old men who go after 18 year olds because that's the youngest age they can get without being illegal. I'm not trying to accuse this guy of being a pedophile, but you need to understand that there are men out there who would take advantage of you, and you need to make sure this guy REALLY cares about you and is NOT trying to manipulate you. It happens more often than you think.
    Look, you're not even old enough the legally drink in the US. You wouldn't be able to go out to a bar with him. I don't know if you're going to college or not, but you should use your early 20s to meet a lot of people and have time to yourself. An older guy will most likely want to settle down with someone. And you will totally be able to meet someone with an "old soul" who is closer in age to you.

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    • yeah i get what your saying and it does seem unsafe, but he didn't find me, i found him. i found him through social media because he used to be a famous rapper but now just lives a regular life. it took a while for him to become flirty with me because i could tell he felt uncomfortable saying anything inappropriate since he is a lot older and has 4 kids and one of them is a few years older then me. he kept asking if i am reallyy only 18 because he was hoping i was older. the reason we get along so well is also because he's just in the stage of his life where he's not really doing anything, he's too old to be talking to a bunch of girls and playing games, and too old to start up some new career (he just has a basic job now) he's just kind of chilling not doing much, while im going to college and starting my life basically. he gives me advice since he's been through the same things and knows more then i do. but yeah i do have to think about it all more, its a huge decision

    • I think for right now you shouldn't take it any further. It's great that you're able to talk to him and get advice from him, but you want to be able to enjoy college. You don't know where you'll end up after you graduate, and you don't want to feel tied down to someone instead of pursuing your career.
      You can keep talking to him, but I think you should date other guys while you're in college. When you graduate, if you still feel really close with this man then you can consider pursuing something more. But right now, it would be too difficult to have a relationship with him. I mean, his kid would probably be upset if they found out he was dating someone younger than them. Once you've been out of college for a while, age doesn't matter all that much. But right now, you want to be free to start your life.

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