What should I do if she has a boyfriend?

So here's the details. Met this girl before the holidays. Really hit it off. Like wow connection. So I asked her on a date. She said yes and was so excited. We had to wait til after the holidays because we were both busy. But we had an amazing phone call and texted all the time never running out of things to talk about. When the day finally comes she says she's sick. I don't think much of it so we push it back. I ask her again last night when shed like to go out and she breaks down. She'd been seeing a guy casually when we met and she wanted to break it off with him long before I entered the picture. Instead he asked her to define the relationship and she accepted. She says she really likes me and that she's not sure what she wants but for now she wants to see what happens with him because he's acting different than he has been. She feels awful about not telling me sooner but I handled it without getting emotional. I told her she didn't have to feel bad but I liked her a lot and she should dump this guy like she was going to in the first place and go out with me. My question is should I keep talking and flirting with her or cut contact and see if she misses me and dump him?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Don't cut contact as a way of playing games. Games like that aren't cool, and also she will probably assume that you cutting contact means you're not interested any more.
    It's totally fine to cut contact with her if you don't want to be her friend. She's with someone else, and that's that. So you can keep talking to her and keep that communication open in case it doesn't work out with this guy, but you can't keep flirting with her. How would you feel if she chose you, but he was still on the side flirting with her?

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What Guys Said 2

  • "She'd been seeing a guy casually when we met and she wanted to break it off with him long before I entered the picture. Instead he asked her to define the relationship and she accepted."

    I suspect that simply means she was fed up with him, as he was or appeared to be non-committal or indecisive in that regard, etc. for a considerable period prior to committing to her. As a result, she entertained dating you. But now, since he's wised up, so to speak, all is well between them.

    "She says she really likes me and that she's not sure what she wants but for now she wants to see what happens with him because he's acting different than he has been."

    That was her way of effectively and diplomatically letting you down. Period. It's indefinitely a no-go at this point and time, my friend.

    "My question is should I keep talking to and flirting with her or cut contact and see if she misses me and dump him?"

    To that, I say, cut off or limit contact with her. Date other women. Otherwise, she may never feel a significant threat of losing the opportunity to date you.

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    • I really feel there was something there but she chose him at least for the short term. I can't stop thinking about her but I'm already talking to other people. We have a ridiculous ammount in common and she knows my interest in her is genuine and I feel like hers is too even though she wants to see how this works out. He also lives closer to her where we would start out with an hour distance between us. I have to hope that she will miss me. We'd text or talk for hours everyday for the last month and I have to hope that is indicative of a hole In their relationship she isn't consciously aware of. Im going to talk to her in a few weeks, keep an eye on her Facebook for the possibility of his loosing out. All my friends think he looks like a trashy pedophile version of me so I'm hopeful our conversations made enough of an impact she'll wonder if things would be better having chosen me.

    • Sounds like a plan to me. Good luck to you.

  • Cut contact and see if she misses you. She seems to be still attached to the other guy and keeping you on the hook..

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