How to love yourself?

Hello, I would really like to know how I can accept myself as I am and stop focusing on my flaws, and the negative aspect on myself.

I want to switch my mindset from negative to positive.

I am used to be a pessimistic person so it will surely not be an easy task, but I am sure that I can do it with your help.

I am really tired of lacking confidence, and self-esteem. I want to be able to date, and all but in my current situation it is impossible.

22 years old and still wasn't able to ask out a girl, how pathetic I am.

I will really appreciate your help, since I'm facing a harsh situation and do not know how to overcome it on my own.
I am seeking for your help, I am sure that you know some good tricks to get rid of this situation.

Best regards,

R.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll message you, so we can talk about it and eventually find a solution to it together.

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What Girls Said 8

  • The most important thing to understand, here, is that this WILL NOT change quickly.

    There's tons and tons of research to show that self-satisfaction, self-image, and life satisfaction are pretty much constant, in the short run.

    They can change over periods of years and years and years, but even that isn't terribly common.

    Here's one of the studies:
    citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/.../download

    Here's a better idea: Try to TAKE ADVANTAGE of yr present state of dissatisfaction.

    Dude, dissatisfied people accomplish EVERYTHING in the world. Happy people don't accomplish stuff. "Satisfied" people don't accomplish stuff, because they're already satisfied!

    Just take the situation in which you find yourself, and come up with ways to use it as an engine for self-improvement.

    What don't you currently like?
    How can you fix or improve it?
    Etc.

    What yr feeling now, is the same thing that's the basis of "ambition" and "drive" and all those other positive words that people use. Ambition is basically the same thing as dissatisfaction, except people are actually using it to go out there and DO stuff.

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    • Oh wow, I did not see it under such perspective.
      Thank you for this answer, it was a really helpful one.

    • You're welcome. Good luck.

      I'm a fitness model/competitor, and I train other models. Pretty much all of them got into the sport because of some underlying insecurity about their bodies, but then they got hooked on it, and continued to improve.
      I mean, I'm talking about the people whose bodies you see in the ads for workout supplements and such. Everyone else sees perfection; they still see "needs improvement". It's pretty much hardwired. LOL

      What you do with with that feeling of dissatisfaction, is up to you. You can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or you can use it as an engine to get out there and accomplish stuff.

  • I have always said it and I will say it until the day I die: you can't hate yourself perfect.

    Look at your situation for a moment. Is putting yourself down going to make you hotter, smarter, or more talented? No, it isn't. It's just going to put you into an even worse state of mind which only prohibits you even further. Sitting there obsessing about what's wrong with you doesn't magically make it go away so why waste your time doing it when you can spend your time changing what you can and becoming at peace with what you can't?

    Half of what we tell ourselves we're unable to do we are truthfully more than capable of - but we spend so much time being negative and telling ourselves that we can't so we never make the effort. Really, asking people out isn't hard. It's getting over the mental hurdle and being strong enough to accept rejection. All you can do is keep reminding yourself that putting yourself down doesn't help, it just makes your situation worse.

    Hopefully you found that helpful

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    • Thank you for your reply, it was really helpful. I sincerely smiled after reading that, it's like you gave me hope.

      Nevertheless, no matter how hard I try to overcome my negative thinking it is impossible. I do know that the worst situations I'm going through are not going to kill me, and stuffs but I am unable to stop being nervous or anxious about the situation.

      Asking out a girl is one example, even if I say to myself that the worst scenario that could happen is she says "sorry I'm not interested". It's not a big deal, but something prevents me to take action unfortunately.
      This is one of the aspects of my negative thinking. Sometimes I think like I'm not attractive enough to attract a girl, and so on. However, I do really know that if I don't attract some I might attract others and if it doesn't work out with the ones that I want to go out then I'll have the opportunity to ask out other girls. This is the big picture as I see it, but I am unable to take any action.

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    • Thank you so much for your help, it has opened up my eyes and can see a brighter future than I was seeing.

      I wil try my best to improve myself, even if it takes time I'm gonna do it ! :)

    • You are most welcome. Go get em'!

  • tell this to your friends... hopefully they will help to boost your self esteem telling you that you really are a nice guy, and any lady would be lucky to date you.

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  • try looking into the mirror and finding one thing you like. just one thing. look at it closely and tell yourself : this is pretty, this is mine.
    next day remember that one thing and then continue and find another. just one, you will surely be able to do that. proceed and one day you ill stand there and think: hey i am pretty

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    • Sweet, can't message you, but if you want more guidance, just ask :)

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    • Okay, then take a step back and ask a good friend... He or she should definitely be honest and Trustworthy...
      I for example like your way of writing, gives me an idea about what your speaking would be like. That is nice

    • I'll make sure to ask someone trustworthy about it, and hoping that he can give me an accurate idea on what are the positive sides of myself.

      Thank you, that's really kind what you've said there :)

  • Confidence starts on giving yoursef the value u deserve, before thinking about girls, u need to think about how awesome u are and that u are valuable. What helped me the most in this area was setting goals and work for them, the process made me realize Im capable of lots of things, so are u.
    Stop thinking on the negative aspects of your life, by the end of everyday try to think about 5 POSSITIVE things that happened to u and write them down if u need to, that helped me coz it made me realise that I actually have things that should make me feel grateful.
    Before complaining about something, stop for a second and don't say it, try to replace that thought with something positive
    If u are not content with yourself take your time to analyse what are the things u like and u don't and work for the things u don't.
    This is a journey that takes some time but loving yourself is one of those things that will have a huge impact on your life :)

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  • In my opinion you do love your self. The problem here is fear. You want to feel safe. You don't want to deal with rejection, judgement or heart break. And I don't blame you, im on the same road, I have social anxiety, and im get better at controlling my fears. You just have to find that strength in you, and don't let your mind control you. You will find love. No doubt.

    Now in order to think positively. Just say to yourself. "It could be worse." Because in a reality it really can be. Let that reminded you, that you are capable of more than you think.

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  • Was this a my take?

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    • I had the urge to explain as much as possible my sad situation, that's all.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Start by forgiving yourself for past actions. Find things in yourself that you really do love, such as being kind to animals.

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    • Thank you for your input, nevertheless I really do not know how to do it.

      I really love to go to the gym, and being around friends. However, I've been going to the gym for years and yet no improvement. As for being around friends, it is quite a difficult one since I'm having difficulties to accept myself I can not easily come up and talk to girls specially.

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