My best friend has been dating this shitty sleeze ball of a guy on and off for like 3 years now and she recently just had a baby with him. He's verbally abusive towards her, very controlling, he cheats on her (and she knows he does) , he's an alcoholic and he doesn't help take care of their baby. It seems as though every time she breaks up with him, no matter what he has done, she can't help but to take him back less than a week later. I've been there for her through everything and I've tried many of times to get her to leave him but she claims that its impossible for her and it's getting hard for me to remain friends with her, but we've been friends for 13 years. So my question is, why won't she leave him? Any ideas? Any tips for me to help her?
She won't leave him because she is deeply emotionally invested in him, it is very easy for people on the outside looking in to see it is an unhealthy relationship and should be ended but it is much more difficult for the emotionally invested person to realize what is going on and break free. I feel for you because I have been there it is hard to watch a friend constantly be hurt. The best thing to do is to be there for he and stay supportive she will never leave him if he is all she has, friends are the best tool in this situation. Next time they break up take her out and have a blast invite some good looking men along and show her how much fun it is to be single and that she does not need the relationship because she has good friends, with a little bit of luck she will take a liking to one of the male friends and be her pillar as she departs the unhealthy relationship. This is how it went down for me and my friend and she is now with an Amazing man who worships the ground she walks on without her friends she would still be stuck in a horrible abusive relationship.
www.ted.com/.../leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave Here is a ted talk on why people don't leave abusive relationships. The thing is you can break them up however without anything stopping her, you friend will want to immediately get back together. The reason being as nothing happened except the straining of your relationship with relationship with her. He needs to mess up pretty bad for her to want to leave to ensure she no longer wishes to be with him.
Like most other people in her position, she either 1) honestly believes that he really does love her, 2) is holding out hope that he'll change, or 3) is afraid she'll never find anyone else.
The best advice I could give you is to talk to her about the situation and if she ever asks you for advice on how to make him happy, ideas for birthday or Christmas or Valentine's Day gifts, don't give them. Basically if she ever asks for any help with the relationship, tell her that the only help you'll give her is leaving it.
It honestly breaks my heart to read this but before I continue please PLEASE don't leave her now. If things are as bad as you say, then she needs a good friend like you who looks out for her now more than ever. I agree with orphan, show her your concern with this post. Let her see through the website linked below by BellePepper and whatever social services are available at your location that she can escape this vicious cycle. But please don't leave her, I know what its like to have a friend destroying their self and I think she needs you right now to help her get a happy ending to this issue.
it has something to do with the " X chromosome", It blocks their common sense. She doesn't ahve any brother/cousins/uncles.. because in my family.. he'd be buried alive of thrown in the ocean 10miles of shore;-P Jersey boys are crazy;-)
because he is extremely dangerous and manipulative predator... I was in a relationship like that and it was the most difficult thing to ever overcome in my life and escape from... She is clearly a victim and is afraid to leave him... he has completely destroyed her, she has no self-esteem or self-respect and she refuses to believe there's better things out there because of all the bullshit she has been fed on... She needs to realise that he is a psychopath and that it will get only worse for her and the baby and if she wants to save her child, she would have to leave that asshole an create a better future for her and her baby and meet a better man...