Why is race such a HUGE factor in dating/relationships?

Why do people put so much emphasis on race when it comes to dating?
"No black guys, sorry"
"I will never date an Asian guy" (Asian guy here, hurts to hear this one)
"I prefer white men/women"
Yes, I hear these statements quite often. I've been rejected many times purely on the basis of my race (even by Asian women, stings a little more coming from them).

I've dated within my race, outside my race, and I've seen no impact on how race affects our own relationship. We do normal date stuff, we have a normal sex life, I get along with her parents, and we share our feelings have mutual trust, and love each other. Race has had absolutely zero impact on my past relationships.

Seeing that race was a non-issue (at least in my experience), can someone tell me why is race such a dealmaker/dealbreaker for SO many people when it comes to dating?

Updates:
Thank you all for your answers.

0|1
22|23

Most Helpful Girl

  • Some people have a preference (when they prefer to date outside their race) and they want to stick to it. Others are uncomfortable with interracial dating.
    Some people are afraid of what their family and friends will think if they date outside their race. Others had bad experiences with interracial dating, so now they prefer to date within their race.
    Some people prefer to date someone who share the same culture as them, and sometimes that implies having the same skin color as them.
    Other times they were only exposed to a certain group of people, so they're attracted to people who belong that group.
    Some people believe in stereotypes.
    There is people who think that interracial relationships are wrong or gross.
    Some are simply attracted to people from different races. And then there are the ones who are racist and reject others simply because of their skin color.

    So, as you can see, there are a lot of reasons to explain why race is so important to some people when it comes to dating.

    2|1
    0|0
    • These are all good points, even though some of them are quite depressing. Well, reality isn't pretty I guess. Thanks for the eye-opening answer. It makes me appreciate the people who don't give a damn about race a lot more :)

    • That's true, reality isn't pretty. Unfortunately some people still have a problem with interracial dating.

      You're welcome. That's my honest opinion.

      I also appreciate people who are like this. :)

      Thanks for the MHO :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Would you really want to even date a person that thinks like that anyway?
    Sometimes It's because of the close minded parents/relatives/up bringing.

    There is nothing wrong with the "I prefer" statement. You shouldn't be offended by that, They didn't say "I only date". I wouldn't be offended if the girl said I only date fat people... Ok I fit, not fat and I'm ok with that. Same thing with girls that only want to date guys over 6', that's fine, I'm glad they saved me the time I would have wasted on them.

    0|2
    0|1
    • Ha. I guess there's a silver lining there. The shallow girls are actually doing you a favor by advertising their absurd physical requirements - you sweep them to the side so you can spend your time on women who are worth it.

      I've heard that race plays a factor in dating, but I didn't know that it was to such a magnitude. Now I can't seem to stop hearing about it, whether there's a Facebook post about it, Men's Health article about it, etc. I heard the whole race requirement is FAR more stringent in the online dating world, which is what prompted me to ask this question.

      Thankfully it's not awfully hard to find women who are open to dating other races where I am (I'm in college, pretty open-minded environment here). It's the extremely long compatibility checklist that proves challenging in finding a good girlfriend - and "open to dating any race" is just one of those boxes.

    • I'm white and have a preference for Spanish girls, just something about them that I find irresistible. The second group that I seem to be drawn to is black girls then Asians. The least attractive to me are white girls, I guess my sister/mother ruined it for them,(love to piss me off) LOL.

What Girls Said 21

  • Good question!
    And it's not even that it might have an impact on your own relationships or partner choices but also on the way people view you if you actually don't care.. Like my girlfriend is Korean and now the people in my life that actually know about us (some don't know I'm bi) keep making fun of me with these "yellow fever" comments all the time like wth?

    2|2
    0|0
    • Yeah, seriously. Sorry that people are pulling the yellow fever BS on you, that's quite mean.
      It used to bother me immensely when I dated interracially, I'd hear people tell my then-girlfriends this garbage:
      "Why are you with that Asian guy?"
      "You can do so much better, girl."
      It's like, fuck off. Nobody else has a problem with it, it's your own damn fault that you're upset.

    • I agree!

  • Personally I could care less and my family doesn't care, my current boyfriend is black and I love him with all my heart. But I think for some people it comes down to preconceived ideas and stereotypes that our society has created. My uncle told my little cousin she better never come home with a black guy after I started dating my boyfriend, why, I dont know. For some people I think its a matter of personal preference/ attraction, if you aren't attracted to someone then the relationship is doomed at the start. I think another factor could be cultural/ religious differences, every culture does things differently and a lot of people don't want to change what they already do. History could also play a role in it, were past slavery but not everyone has let go of that.
    Overall I think the main reason is personal preference/opinion. Everyone is entitled to an opinion no matter how dumb everyone else thinks it is.

    1|2
    0|1
  • I think people are just very fixated on preferences these days though they know they have options. It's especially a thing to state preferences about every dang feature here on the anonymous Internet. I'm sure a number of these people could budge for the right guy/girl who comes along. Some people see race stereotypically or let a few bad experiences dissuade them. Others may just have a very specific type they'd rather pursue and not bother with others. Could this be borderline fetishistic? Maybe, yeah. And then some are more about cultural preference, since they'd prefer partners with a certain lifestyle to match their own.

    For me, I find every race physically attractive and for just simple going on a date, I don't mind race at all. A good guy is a good guy. For marriage, I would rather the religion be the same though the race can be whatever and he doesn't have to be religious. It would just suit my lifestyle and family. Same race or similar would be easiest in this case.

    1|1
    1|0
    • I agree with a lot of your points. It's a shame that a few bad run-ins with a particular race are enough to turn them away. It's also a shame that a lot of people's perspectives of race are molded by movies and TV, so their view is distorted.

      And like you mentioned, people can cherry pick. I've never used any dating site ever (OK Cupid, Match, Tinder, etc.) but my brother told me that you can filter out people by race. It's just... awful in my opinion. How many amazing people are you cutting out of your life because you simply don't agree with their skin color?

    • Show All
    • Yeah, self-hate, I've heard that term before, in regards to nonwhites in America. It's a damn shame. Not only does it affect the self-haters, but it also poisons their families and does not at all help with the representation of their race. Imagine if their own self-hate rubs off on their children (whom will look very much like them, no matter how much race-mixing there is). That will be one sad child.

      Anyways, I prefer more open-minded men and women to associate myself with. Just gotta do my own filtering: open-minded people only :P Thanks for your input! Upvoted you.

    • I agree with you so much. Why is it such a big deal? I feel like the only person without a racial preference.

  • No idea man, I literally don't care about race at all. It's sad really, that people are so focused on that.

    0|2
    1|1
  • Sometimes it just boils down to attraction. I am not attracted to black men. Unless they are mixed and look more white I just can't connect with them. I also don't like very pale red-heads even though I myself am Irish. I actually prefer men with dark hair and medium skin like Mediterraneans, Mexican, and South American. It's just personal preference.

    2|0
    2|1
  • It's really not but the racebaiting trolls on here love to make it an issue.

    2|1
    1|1
  • Lol, I don't know. I think it's stupid. I will date any man who treats me right, gives me the respect I deserve, and has a great personality that fits with mine. Their color of skin means nothing to me.

    0|2
    0|0
  • People are crazy and picky. I don't care about race as long as he's a good person and I'm attracted to him physically. And I've been attracted to nearly every race and skin tone before.

    1|2
    1|1
  • LAWD ONLY KNOWS.

    1|1
    1|3
  • i didn't know that it was important.

    i have preferences but not necessarily about race it's just that i put a lot of value on looks, voice and manners/behavior.

    every single time i've been physically attracted to a man he was Asian.
    among those, some were good to me and some weren't.

    as a eurasian girl who looks Asian dating Asian boys is very natural. we don't stand out as an interracial couple but we still face social pressure.

    i do not care about what other people think.
    i don't limit myself, i just like what i like.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Okay firstly I'm black, have dated a black guy now in a relationship with a white guy. So I don't care about race, but there's stereotypes out there that make people wanna dodge the bullet. When people say you'll be a single mum coz the black guy will leave some people take it against the whole race. Others are too proud n want to prove they're proud of their race so don't date outside. Some guys class is black girls as ugly and a joke so they don't. I mean all these things are hurtful. I mean some people think just coz you are not white you are premitive. Or white girls have small asses and white guys have small dicks so they don't go there.

    0|0
    1|0
  • People are dumbasses and super picky for no reason whatsoever. I feel like the only person who doesn't care about skin color.

    0|1
    0|0
  • That's just personal preference. I have a preference for white guys. I'm not racist or anything, I'm just not that into black guys.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I have no idea. Honestly, though I find interracial relationships to be beautiful. Love should have no color. There is beauty in any and every race. Beautiful is bueatiful. Sexy is sexy. Race should not determine anything, but in this world it does.

    0|0
    0|0
  • People have their on opinion on what is attractive to them, me I have no opinion because I want a guy who cares about me on the inside not on the outside.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is it? I have never thought so.

    1|0
    0|1
  • Because they stick out. Sometimes they look attention seekers.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Oh, it's not. Certain people just seem to make it into something. If you like someone and they like you back, the rest is only details and you'll either have supportive people in your life that support that or jerks who are too wrapped up in their own stuff to let you be happy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • When I say Asian guys mean Asian grow up in Asian countries. And ( this could be bias and stereotypes), but I found they only attracted to skinny thin pretty model face women, maybe I haven't met enough people to say that but this is why I can't be bothered.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I actually met a Asian guy last month. I'm half white and black and he ghosted me. He seemed like a sweet guy too. He is from Vietnam then he stopped contacting me even though he agreed to hang out with me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I guess that's how some people are. honestly in my opinion I like dating outside my race because its different. I don't get why some people don't find Asian men attractive I think they are.

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 22

  • There's a variety of reasons. The first and probably the most important is personal preference. Race is simply one of many factors that people consider when dating. You've heard of people saying, "I only date..."
    - tall, short, skinny, fat, halfies, fit, big breasted, tight assed... etc guys/girls.

    Often, a person associates these traits with their own perception of attractiveness. I personally only find short, slender Asian girls attractive. And while I can tell whether a black or caucasian girl looks attractive to others, I am personally not attracted to them, nor would I consider dating them.

    Another reason is the cultural differences in upbringing. In the US, there is a problem in many urban cities where Asian kids greatly outperform black kids in school. Some might say blacks are dumber and Asians are smarter, which is a fairly common stereotype. However, it's more likely that both blacks and Asians are equally intelligent, but their upbringing is like a polar opposite.

    I can tell you that as an Asian kid, my parents told me every day to become a doctor and get straight A's in school. From kindergarten to university, that's what they drilled into my brain. Be polite, say thank you, respect your elders. Typical 2nd generation Asian upbringing.

    Can you say the same about a black person growing up in the US? I cannot confirm how the majority of them are raised, but media would have you believe they grow up in the dumps surrounded by a violent black culture (listen to their hip hop / rap music... it's mostly about killing, murder, being tough in jail and raping girls).

    Now, take an Asian and a black person and see if their personalities mix well enough to date each other...

    For most asian/black couples, this is probably a recipe for failure. I would say that Asian/white couples stand a better chance, especially if it's a 2nd generation Asian who is westernized. I think many people subconsciously assess people of other races to decide whether they would be good partners/parents, even if he/she is not looking to settle down at the moment.

    What I mean is, in the back of an Asian guy/girl's mind, they are thinking, "If I date a black guy/girl, they're probably going to be violent and abusive towards me or our kids". Unfortunately, whether this is true or not, it is how many people perceive people of other races.

    As an Asian, I hear a lot of "you guys eat dogs and cats and beat your children with sticks". So it goes both ways.

    0|0
    0|0
  • race seems such a HUGE factor in everything here.

    rlv.zcache.com.au/...62910e276_v9wht_8byvr_324.jpg

    2|1
    0|0
  • It depends. Generally speaking, it's a cultural difference thing, but in some cases it's just pure racism - against Asian males and Black females in particular.

    Things are getting better, but there's no denying that a lot of the "personal preferences" excuses are just racism in disguise.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Yup, my particular demographic (Asian-American male) along with black females seem to have a lot of trouble dating. A lot of media has portrayed Asian males/black females as perpetually single, undateable characters. And their fictional work has affected our very real dating life. Some feeble attempts I've seen by the media (or sarcastic suggestions by bigoted dickbags) have simply lumped Asian males and Black females together (absolutely NOTHING wrong with that pairing, by the way - it's fucking beautiful IMO), with the evil notion to "pair the uglies together" so at least we won't feel lonely or at least stop bitching about being single. It's an abhorrent perspective.

      However I've noticed that it's getting better, slowly but surely, for both of these "disadvantaged" groups. Hey, it's progress though. But it's an absolute shame that racism is still alive and kicking today.

  • I've never understood it but then again it's been a long time since I've had a racial preference. It shouldn't matter at all but society brainwashes us with certain beauty standards that not all racial groups fit neatly into. I used to conform to that brainwashing until I started to question myself and what I found attractive and why. Now I have a wide range of beauty standards.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I guess everyone has a preference?

    1|0
    0|1
  • Self hate is one hell of a drug.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I don't care all that much about race to be honest, you really only limit yourself to possibilities with that kind of thinking.

    0|0
    0|0
  • when you are dating, you are, on some level, picking out half the dna that would go into potential offspring.

    why in the world would race/ethnicity NOT be incredibly important in dating?

    0|0
    1|0
  • It's not, at least not for me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • People have personal preferences about looks, and race is a factor that affects one's looks.

    1|0
    0|0
  • The same reason physical attraction plays such a huge factor.

    0|0
    2|0
  • Because that's the way the world is people have eyes to see and a mind to think , race has histrocially had a very real and lasting impact in terms of sex so why not in dating

    0|0
    0|0
  • Guys for the most part don't care. It is women (not all) who have the strongest race and height standards when it comes to attraction.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Have you dated a black girl? How did her social circle react?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Went on a few dates with a black girl. Got to meet two of her friends, who didn't give a shit about my race and we got along fine, but I never got to meet her parents so I'm not sure how that would have panned out.

  • Really?
    Does it?

    I thought racism was past

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because people have preferences...

    0|0
    1|0
  • It all depends on someones type it has nothing to do with racism it's personal preference.

    0|0
    0|0
  • By the year 2043, Americans will be the minority. 100 years ago, 1 in every 4 people was white. Now it's 1 and 7.

    Simply, most people have the mindset that they are trying to preserve their race.

    White pride, black pride, whatever it is. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

    0|0
    0|0
    • LOL, sorry. I meant WHITE people will be a minority.

  • We are all one race but the rich has distracted us to talk about our differences.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No black girls because the ex-boyfriend might attack me with his gang and mug my white ass.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Because it's physical characteristic that people either find attractive or unattractive. Why don't people understand this? Skin color is a huge characteristic in and of itself, but you also have the handful of other features that are usual specific to ethnicities.
    If you have ever thought a girl was ugly ever, you're being a hypocrite. You probably only find her unattractive due to what you consider poor facial characteristics. It could be a big nose, terrible hair, cross eyes, huge gummy smile, she's fat, she's got a limp, etc.
    When you find someone attractive, it's just the opposite of these things.

    If you've EVER looked at a person as unattractive, you have NO leg to stand on here.
    By the way, most people that ask these types of questions generally go after specific groups of people and then are pissed when they get shot down. You get to be largely attracted to this type of girl, but they don't get the same choice?

    And I get some of those statements hurt you. We all get it. We've all heard it. Those specific girls lack the tact to handle letting a guy down (same for guys that do it too). However, I completely support why they may not be attracted.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Sigh, reality is a nice, swift kick in the ass. I get it, though. Thanks for your answer.

    • Sorry if I came off some kind of way, but I've been answering similar questions the past couple of days and it's always the phony "I don't see color" type of stuff. Most people certainly see it. You can probably tell based on their dating history.

      I get that this isn't the happiest answer or anything, but I feel that it is real. I've literally had a girl of another race (irrelevant to me, really) say "eww" when I was brought up and I was sitting feet away from her. haha
      That was a gut check. Like I said, some people lack tact.

    • Only reason why I ask this question is because yeah, I've been shot down a few times. But I also see a lot of articles on it online, and I heard in the online dating world it's even more rampant (never used online dating before, just going by what I hear). I get what you're saying, though. I can say with complete honesty that I will date any girl of any race so long as she is worthy (personality, intelligence, chemistry).

  • People are attracted to different things. I don't really find black girls all that attractive. Its just like a guy who only dates fat girls and not skinny ones. or a guy only wanting short girls and not tall. This question is kinda like, "Why does the gender of a person matter? we're all human, right? Why don't straight guys date me?" Its because they're only attracted to women. You can't change who turns you on and who doesn't.

    0|0
    1|0
Loading...