He cheated with me (I didn't know) should I tell?

I (age 27) was recently in a 7 month long relationship with a guy (age 32). I was in love, but it was also an unhealthy relationship and we ended things. He never said we were exclusive, although he know I wasn't seeing anyone else. Shortly after I found out he had been seeing another girl the whole time. Someone who, as far as I can tell, thought she was his exclusive girlfriend. Regardless it is pretty clear I was the one he dated in secret and he dated her openly among his friends and their family members. I think he has met her parents and her, his. So decently serious.

I hate knowing that he was cheating on her for 7 months. I hate knowing that if our situations were reversed I'd want her to tell me. Ultimately I don't think it is my place to tell her, but I also think she deserves to know. I just need some help knowing what is the right thing to do in this situation.

Updates:
Thanks so much for than answers - just for clarification:
- Not interested in revenge
- Not trying to change my situation OR break them up
- He was careful about his trail; the only why she'd know is if I told her. If I did tell her, I would be gentle, but accurate, and would tell her she should ask him about it, but I have months of emails/texts if needed.

I hope HE tells her (she deserves to hear it from him), and I am asking him to when we meet.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether you tell her or not, it's not going to change your situation much. All it will do is draw you back into the drama that is his life. You didn't know he was with someone else, so you didn't do anything wrong, which means you shouldn't feel bad about having been with him for so long.

    Honestly, it will come across as vindictive if you do that and he might very well lash out at you and make you feel worse than you likely already do. Basically what I'm getting at is that nothing 'good' will come from telling her. She will eventually find out, and then that will be something they'll need to work on.

    You should just focus on you, leave that stuff in the past, and try not to drudge up the old stuff. I understand why you feel obligated to tell her - some kinda' woman code, I guess - but in the long run, it serves no true purpose other than to clear your own mind.

    If it were me, I'd just let it go, move on, and wish them the best. It's quite possible he felt the same way about her as he did with you - not exclusive - and it's quite possible she felt the same way about him as you did - exclusive. He could very well explain it all away, make you look bad, make you feel worse, and still stick with her in the end.

    I hope this helps.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should tell her. She deserves to know.

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What Guys Said 6

  • If your sole purpose is telling her because she deserves to know then go and tell her. If that shit ever happened to me, I'd fucking thank the guy personally regardless what his motives were. I refuse to be played like a fool.

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  • If your motive is revenge then it's wrong

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  • I would simply go to him and say listen I don't like the fact that I was your side piece for 7 months so go to your girlfriend and tell her that we were together for 7 months I'll give you one week, if you don't tell her within the next week I will. and if he doesn't confess then go to her and tell her yourself

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  • Don't worry about whether they break up or not, that's on them. But, you need to tell her. You never know what this woman is planning, what if she decides to get married to him? Have children with him even? She needs to know that he's cheating on her and if she decides to stay, that's on her.

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  • No longer your problem. Do you have a desire for unnecessary drama? Despite your good intentions, that looks as revenge to any other. Stay out of with, it is simply not your problem.

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  • Dude if I was cheated on, I'd be grateful if you told me.

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What Girls Said 8

  • You tell her, he tells her you're some crazy girl he met once at a party who thinks you've been in a relationship with him. She believes him.

    Waste of time to tell her.

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  • I think you should tell.
    I've done it before twice and both girls became my friends.
    I'd wanna know if I was being cheated on.

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  • I think it's not easy to decide what to do..
    My boyfriend was cheating on me actually , for months - i became to know because i felt that something was wrong and i found the evidence by myself
    I think that if the girl contacted me then i am not sure if i would believe her.. or if i would blame her..
    But i am definitely happy that i became to know and nobody deserves to be in such relationship so I think she should know.. i would tell her or at least tell him to tell her

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  • I'd tell her. Even if she doesn't believe you, you can at least say you tried. She deserves to know.

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  • Let karma take its course. And stay out of it. Regardless of how you say you feel at the end by you going to tell her it seems like you want revenge.

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  • I would be very hurt, but would not tell.

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  • You dont have to do anything you know why? Because Karma is a bitch. He will eventually get what he deserves.

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  • I'd want to know. Most girls would want to know. This guy sounds like a player. ... he needs to be played himself.

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