I (age 27) was recently in a 7 month long relationship with a guy (age 32). I was in love, but it was also an unhealthy relationship and we ended things. He never said we were exclusive, although he know I wasn't seeing anyone else. Shortly after I found out he had been seeing another girl the whole time. Someone who, as far as I can tell, thought she was his exclusive girlfriend. Regardless it is pretty clear I was the one he dated in secret and he dated her openly among his friends and their family members. I think he has met her parents and her, his. So decently serious.
I hate knowing that he was cheating on her for 7 months. I hate knowing that if our situations were reversed I'd want her to tell me. Ultimately I don't think it is my place to tell her, but I also think she deserves to know. I just need some help knowing what is the right thing to do in this situation.
- Not interested in revenge
- Not trying to change my situation OR break them up
- He was careful about his trail; the only why she'd know is if I told her. If I did tell her, I would be gentle, but accurate, and would tell her she should ask him about it, but I have months of emails/texts if needed.
I hope HE tells her (she deserves to hear it from him), and I am asking him to when we meet.
Most Helpful Guy
Whether you tell her or not, it's not going to change your situation much. All it will do is draw you back into the drama that is his life. You didn't know he was with someone else, so you didn't do anything wrong, which means you shouldn't feel bad about having been with him for so long.
Honestly, it will come across as vindictive if you do that and he might very well lash out at you and make you feel worse than you likely already do. Basically what I'm getting at is that nothing 'good' will come from telling her. She will eventually find out, and then that will be something they'll need to work on.
You should just focus on you, leave that stuff in the past, and try not to drudge up the old stuff. I understand why you feel obligated to tell her - some kinda' woman code, I guess - but in the long run, it serves no true purpose other than to clear your own mind.
If it were me, I'd just let it go, move on, and wish them the best. It's quite possible he felt the same way about her as he did with you - not exclusive - and it's quite possible she felt the same way about him as you did - exclusive. He could very well explain it all away, make you look bad, make you feel worse, and still stick with her in the end.
I hope this helps.0
Most Helpful Girl
I think you should tell her. She deserves to know.0