How to tell a single mom you are not interested in her?

So I have this friend that is mutual friends with a large portion of my circle of friends. She fun to hang around and we have always gotten along. However she has recently made it known to me and others in my group that she has a romantic interest in me.

I am not interested in her romantically. I however am not interested in in alienating her or hurting her feelings ethier. I must tread these waters very carefully as the fallout of this could have negative consequences amongst all of my closest friends.

I also know this girl well enough that she will want a detailed explanation as to why I don't want to date her. Which leads me to my question... How do I tell her that I don't want to date her, and that the main reason is that she is a single mom and I don't want all the responsibility and burden that goes with entering into that situation?

And before you type the answer "try it! Single mom's are great! You might end up liking it!" No... I won't like it. I know this about myself.

Updates:
Update: The deed is done.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't owe her a detailed explanation.

    If she's a single mom, she should get her shit together as she's in an incredibly responsible business of raising another human being.

    She needs to understand that nobody owes her a romantic relationship nor a fucking explanation. If she can't handle a simple "I'm not interested", she's unfit to be a parent.

    I find it incredibly obnoxious that you're unable to decline this woman's advances without her causing a shitstorm. What sort of parent is she, if she can't handle one of the most common things most people experience in life: rejection. How the fuck is she supposed to teach her child to deal with upsetting topics if she can't even handle a "no".

    The best course is to be frank about the fact you're simply not attracted/interested. It should be enough. If she demands anything beyond that, she will make herself look like a fool, not you. Banging on about wanting a detailed explanation is crazy and obsessive.

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    • IKR?

      "she will want a detailed explanation as to why I don't want to date her"
      --> Dude I got the creepy stalkerette vibe from this chick already, and I don't even know you, or her, at all.

      Yr making a good decision to stay away from this one. Kid or no kid.

      Sheesh.

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    • @redeyemindtricks @UtopianLobotomy

      It's just ridiculous. She thinks the world revolves around her and people somehow owe her shit just because.

      That kid is gonna grow up being just as entitled as mommy.

    • ::shakes fist::

      That kind of woman is my enemy, for all sorts of very personal reasons. Where "personal" subsumes the experiences of close friends and family (this is another of the many rods that God has inexplicably spared me directly).

What Girls Said 7

  • Be straight up with her. Even if it hurts her now it will enable her to move on. A single mom doesn't have the time or emotional energy to waste on someone who doesn't feel the same.
    Be super clear but say it as nice as possible since you'll most likely be seeing more of each other.

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  • You don't have to have a reason for not being romantically interested in someone first off. You may have your reasons, but she doesn't have to know.
    However, she does need to know that you aren't interested, and as soon as possible, or you risk leading her on. As awkward as it is, you need to pull her aside and gently explain that while you do value her as a friend and as a person, you simply do not see her in that way.

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  • "I am interested in you as a friend. I still feel like a child and therefor cannot be responsible for your child."

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    • Sadly, that would be a lie. I feel and act very much like an adult... I just don't want to be responsible for her child.

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    • @lacorine197 man I know what your saying. You can see I more or less had the same discussion with her. She is clearly stuck in her narrow uncreative mindset and cannot imagine anything outside of her self serving point of view. Arguing with people like her on the internet will only result in wasting time. I suggest you let this particular sleeping dog lay and move on. I got my answer on this one and the situation has been delt with. Thanks for having my back though man.

    • I'ts no problem, it's crazy how some of these people think, like the world revolves around them, she probably a single mom herself, that's probably why she got so offended.

  • No don't be straight that will hurt
    Tell her "You wish to fall in love oneday" so she understand u not into her.
    Single Mom break my heart I've a friend like that she wish if she get virginity back, she wish to marry. I suggest for them to marry a single dad. that would be fair solution. my friend problem is that she don't want to marry a single dad.

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  • Do you care about her or just about what your circle of friends will think?
    If you do care, you should be honest and tell her why you are not romantically intrested in her. Be very clear and respectful. You could even admit that it it's a little bit selfish, that you probably don't feel "love' for her, although you care... and think she deserves better. That's the best you can do and no real friend can hold that against you.
    Don't wait too long, the sooner she knows the better.

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  • Just be honest! Just let her know that at this time in your life you either dont want to or can't handle the responsibility that you would be "signing up" for.

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  • Tell her you don't like to fuck damaged goods.

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    • Well, but if just come out and say that I am going to be ostracized by all of our mutual friends ha ha

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    • hmm... okay. So random lol

    • yea I know right! haha

What Guys Said 7

  • Tell the truth, and then you tell her that it's better for her to know it. Tell her you don't wanna give her false hopes and that this is better for both of you. Make it clear that you like her, but not romantically.

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  • Be honest with her - Beating around the bush will only hurt her feelings more - Tell her the truth but try and give her a soft landing say she is a lovely woman but you don't see yourself involving yourself with kids at the moment

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  • you might as well just shoot straight. "Sorry, but i am not interested in dating a single mom. "

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  • Has she asked you directly? If not, then no problem. If she does, just say that you are sorry, but you aren't ready to be part of a family.

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  • man, read your question again. Your answer is all in there.

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  • You are most likely not interested in her because she has a kid, that is however not her fault but yours you make sure you tell her that you hate kids.

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  • Just tell her you see her as a good friend. Friend is a four letter word.

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