Feeling judged for being single?

Maybe this is crazy, but does anyone else feel this way? My friends are constantly saying "Oh, you need to get his number!" or saying that I need to get a boyfriend. I'm even set up with friends of co-workers because I'm the only single person at my school (I'm a teacher). I'm only 23, but I've been single for almost 4 years and I feel like people judge me for it, or treat me like I'm some cyclops because I'm not in a relationship or married. I just have really BAD luck with dating and let's face it: it's really hard to meet someone nowadays. In college, I was focused on learning. Now that I'm in my profession, bars and things like that aren't really where I think I'd meet a mate. Sometimes, it feels hopeless, but the last thing I need from people is to be singled out and made to feel weird because I haven't found someone, you know? Why do people do that to singles? Even those who are content with not having someone?


What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe this talk gets to you because it's something you're insecure about. That's normal.

    For me, it gets annoying when the "gay" murmurs start leaking out. Oh, he doesn't have a girlfriend and he's semi handsome. He must be gay.

    It used to bother me a lot, but then I realized its typical of ignorant people. How can they possibly know that I'm an INTJ with a glaring weakness in romance? They don't, so it's unfair to be mad at them.

    • Touche. I guess I just wish people didn't make it out to be such a big deal, especially when some of their marriages are questionable at best.

      Oh, I know. My friends joke about me and our other friend being lesbian lovers because we're both single and have been for a long time. It gets old.

      I'm an INTJ too and to find people who speak our language is near impossible. I found one INTJ guy and we went on one date. He was a health nut and I'm kinda chunky, so he ghosted me. But, I think part of my problem is hanging out with 32-year-old married friends when I need to be going out and meeting people who are my age.

    • True, it's almost impossible to meet guys when you don't spend time in their presence. That could be the main problem you're having.

      Challenges aside, you're smart enough to know when to step out of your comfort zone and pretend for the sake of latching a guy.

      Just today I made a conscious effort to mingle with people (in an area of expertise, obviously) like an extrovert and actually read signs of attraction from a girl that I chatted up. She's an ENFP, out of my league, but I'm going for it.

      It wouldn't be possible without pretending, even for a minute or two. Hopefully this helps. My Market Research professor had a saying... "Fake it until you make it"

  • It's because everyone assumes you have to be in a relationship to be happy.


What Girls Said 1

  • All the time. Society is built for couples and people who fit within the traditional framework of life. In the past, most people would graduate high school, get married and settle down. There was a sequence to life.

    Today, that framework is changing. People no longer follow a 'traditional' route anymore. And that's okay!

    I'm 26 and I feel like a complete outsider. I would love to settle down and get married, and thought I would have at least been in a serious relationship by now. But somehow that all alluded me. I'm not giving up, but I'm trying and it's hard.

    Not everyone just falls into love. Most of my friends are settled down already and they kind of roll their eyes when I tell them how challenging it's been. I've had bad luck with guys and unfortunately been cheated on a few times. I try my best and keep trying, but it's not easy for everyone.

    I even get left out on things because I'm not part of a couple. For instance, I don't get invited over as much and if I do, it's always out of pity.

    My one friend who's married keeps telling me how she misses dating and how lucky I am. Umm, please! I've been on so many bad first dates, dates that go no where, guys who flake and people who turn out to be really mean, I am so done! My friend literally married the first person she met online. She met him after getting out of a 5 year relationship. So she doesn't have much dating experience. She was young when she met her husband (22).

    Most of my friends settled down when they were young so they cannot relate to my situation. They think I'm just too picky or are not trying hard enough. But I've tried very hard and been working on myself quite a lot.

    I hope that with how things are changing that people become more understanding towards single people. Some people truly are happier being on their own. I can definitely see why with some of my bad experiences.