So one of my sons (he is 23) has always had problems with girls--all of his friends and brothers have had several girlfriends whereas I don't think he's even been on a good date.
When his mother and I asked him if he was seeing anyone he told us that he was done with trying and that the pain and effort of trying for so long just wasn't worth it. To make matters worse his brothers have made fun of him by jokingly asking him if he is gay. He is much less emotional and much more quiet, reserved, and sullen then before and it seems to get worse during holidays when the family comes over and spouses and girlfriends are also there, which I gues smakes sense since he is reminded of what he's missing. He seems to be withdrawing into his computer.
I don't know why he's had trouble, but we're looking for a way to help him without being ovebearing, annoying, or embarrasing. Our eldest son said that recently he was really into a girl and thought the girl also liked him, but it turned out that he was just a backup plan at best and that the girl is now dating another guy instead. We think that this combined with the other rejection has hurt him and possibly made him depressed. Is there anything we can do that would help him move on, or should we just accept his decision and leave him alone?
Most Helpful Girl
A relationship is not going to make your son happy. If he is depressed now, he will be depressed in a relationship. Maybe not right away, but in the end, depression is a way of looking at the world. Different circumstances don't change depression.
What your son needs is to find himself. Whether through therapy, or developing a skill, but certainly by accepting himself as an individual and recognizing the strengths that he can bring to the world. He needs to understand the benefits of being single and live life to the fullest.
That will not only make him a happier person overall, but it will make him much more desirable to women. Depressed guys are mysterious and intriguing for a while, but too much baggage to be boyfriend material.
As a parent, it is imperative that you convey to him that he has just as much worth as his siblings despite not having a girlfriend. A fact he probably "knows" but might need to hear from time to time. As a young single, I am constantly asked by the older generation if I am dating or interested in anyone, but not everyone is meant to be with someone. I would much rather be asked about my latest endeavors, and maybe encouraged in other areas of my life.2
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Most Helpful Guy
You have got to lay off of your son. How will he ever get any confidence if his own family thinks poorly of him. And trust me, from what you wrote, it's sounds like he is very aware of how you guys feel. He sounds introverted and if you don't know what that is. It would be in your best interest to find out.
I lived most of my life with my family not knowing, including myself, that I was introverted. So even to this day, I often feel awkward around my own family because I never felt like I fit in and they always made me feel self conscious of myself by saying things like "why are you so quite" "why don't you ever talk to us. Do you hate us." The list is endless.
The best thing he can probably do is work out and lift weights (if he doesn't already). Not so he can look different, but because it can build up self confidence, relieve stress, and motivate. I don't know if you can talk/encourage him to do it. But if you can afford it, buy him a bench, bar, and curl bar. The Olympic style.0