Fellow INTJs: Isn't romance like a foreign language?

I've never had good luck in dating. The good guys never liked me (always seemed to be a lack of physical attraction on their part) and the bad boys always were attracted to me, but treated me like shit and I got out of it after a month or two. The good guys that were crazy about me, I was never physically attracted to. One Big Mess. I'm really reserved until I get to know you. I prefer the man to lead (which is hard to find nowadays). I don't have to be texting you all the time or up your butt 24/7 and that doesn't bode well in a clingy, insecure society. Yet, if I find someone I like, I always get anxious, but it's usually because the guy acts sketchy and ghosts or turns out being crazy. I just feel like if I ever met someone who was attracted to me mentally and physically, was pretty sane, and wanted to be in a relationship that developed slowly, I might pass the fuck out. Anyone else? Any advice for an INTJ that's single? Does it get better with age?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't get better with age. I'll likely never marry or have a true connection with someone, and there's evidence of this predisposition on my father's side of the family.

    You either embrace or adapt. Everyone has some issue to deal with, and when you sign that unwritten contract in dating, you are making a promise to be the best you can be, and compromise to fill the gaps. Yes, that means doing something that makes you uncomfortable because the challenge makes you a better person.

    100% of my success in dating happened because I behaved differently. A textbook INTJ would never do what I did. Your belief that guys should approach is why I'd be fucked if I didn't change. I adapted and saw success. Jump into the cold water. Sprint up the hill. Make yourself sweat for an hour or two.

    Challenge yourself if you want a better outcome. Using your personality profile as an excuse won't get you anywhere.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm an entj. I want a nerdy, ambitious and laid back guy who I'm attracted to. I fail at romatic relationships. But as I've gotten older, my dating pool has widen significantly. So it's a lot easier to meet guys and girls similar to me now that im in uni.

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What Guys Said 6

  • It sounds like you are in a similar situation as myself but from a woman's perspective.
    I don't fit into any stereotype, mostly "bad boy" but I'm loyal and a sucker for romance. Quirky usually instead of obnoxious (since I don't and won't drink anymore) I throw women around my age or a bit younger wayyy off and you know what I can't find a woman that I could be attracted to on all those levels who would be attracted to me on all the levels.

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  • I'm INTJ-ish... (I alternate between INTJ and ENTJ every few years), and I don't have problems dating.

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  • Better than being a very handsome INTP. People asked if I was gay all the time for a solid 3 years. I like working out to quiet my racing mind. Getting muscular didn't help.

    I cringe when I think about all opportunities I missed and the few women that tried when I was totally clueless. Someone managed to drag me out to a party once and after being there maybe 10 minutes a girl tried to take me home but I was clueless.

    Check out my question!

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  • As an INTJ... yes it sucks ha ha. Everything you just described is an accurate summary of my experiences as well. I deal with it by just pouring myself into something productive and when it happens it happens.

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  • I'm an INTJ and my girlfriend is an INFP. Our personalities seem to work very well together. She's a lot more introverted than I am, though. I'm very borderline between I and E, although all my other attributes are strong.

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  • It's a fact of life, bad boys are irresistible to women even the ones that beat women and makes songs making fun of women. Das it mane. Beat women and treat them like trash and they'll be begging to suck your dick.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Fellow INTJ here. Relax please.
    You're contradicting yourself. First you say that good guys never like you because they're not physically attracted to you, but then you claim that you were never interested in the good guys who were into you... I think you're just trying to hit out of your league. Lower your standards in physical attractiveness, in 20 years it's not gonna matter anyways.

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    • INTJs are walking contradictions. I come by it naturally, but what I said is true. The good guys I liked never liked me back. The good guys that liked me, I was never attracted to. I don't believe so. I am realistic when it comes to attraction. My luck has just been dry over the last few years. My introverted side took over in college and I was dealing with very heavy emotional things. Now that I'm in my career, I feel like I don't have opportunities to meet guys. I can't lower my standards. I'd rather be alone. Lol. Lowered standards = shitty relationships. But, thanks anyway.

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