My boyfriend humiliated me by text... He said 'Please stop sending me nudes' I feel like hurting him back?

We've been together 3 months. Anyway, he's never asked for them and my previous boyfriend was a maniac about it. Anyway our convo

Him: I'm sure you look good in your undies.
Me: I don't know... *sent PIC*
Him: I didn't ask for them babe
Me: I know just wanted to know what you thought ;-) *sent comparison PIC*
Him: Pls stop sending me nudes.. Where's this coming from?
Me: I thought you were shy to ask soo you don't like :-(?
Him: You don't need to send me pics I know perfectly well your beautiful
Me: You don't need visual reminders?
Him: Nah I'm fine thanks.
Me: Why are you rejecting it? Kinda hurts
Him: although I appreciate that u trust me with your pics... I could be an ass and show others... You can never trust someone as much as yourself.
Me: So no pics in the future?
Him: I wouldn't recommend
Me: your loss it does seem like your politely rejecting it because you don't want it smh.

I did nice poses just for him and I put effort to wear nice underwear and he didn't want them. I wanna show him his rude he was? Am I being unreasonable?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not a fan of receiving nudes either. It's an unwanted liability. If I had a daughter I'd tell her not to send nudes so I'm not going to be a hypocrite and tell a girl I'm dating to send them to me. The second you've got nudes online you jeopardize your chances of having a successful career in numerous professions. I've got no negative opinions of women who send nudes but I don't think it's a smart decision. Not to meantion almost every girl I've met looks either significantly better or significantly worse in person. I had an ex who took terrible photos and looked amazing in person. I used to delete her pics as soon as she sent them because they made her look worse than my own memory. Lastly my phone isn't the safest place in the world. All it takes is a friend of mine to get into my phone and boom your nudes can be front page of my fraternities group chat and off onto the Internet for every guy to get off to. I don't like the idea of that. I've never asked for a girl to send me nudes but I've never stopped a girl from doing it either. So I can't say exactly why he asked you not to but there are plenty of reasons why.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He wasn't being rude at all. Some people just don't like the idea of nudes, or sexy pics in general. He politely pointed out that it's not quite his cup of tea and that you should be more careful with pictures like that. I understand that it feels bad that you didn't get the reaction you wanted, but he was in no way being rude, and honestly you're being a bit childish for wanting to "hurt" him just because he politely told you that he's not into it. You can't force him to like something he doesn't like. Don't take it so personally.

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What Guys Said 35

  • If your reaction to your boyfriend being really polite about communicating what he likes and what he doesn't like is to want to hurt him, then I really think this relationship is already in big, big trouble. He was specifically trying to NOT hurt you.

    My questions would be why do you feel that him politely stating what he likes is rude? I don't see anything in his comments that were rude.

    I would imagine that you put yourself out there, and feel you were rejected (which is understandable), and that probably makes you feel a bit embarrassed, and a but hurt and uncomfortable. You took a risk, and it didn't play out the way you wanted. I understand why you would feel bad, but I think you want to step back a bit and look at the situation a little more. Wanting to hurt him is a really bad reaction to have over this. He is not rejecting YOU, he just doesn't want that kind of photo. That's a really big difference, and one that he clearly tried to explain.

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  • He actually sounds like a guy trying to do the decent thing - He appreciates you as you are without the pics

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  • He did it for your protection, and you get mad? Are you with him cause you like him as a person, or because you wanna feel sexually loved? Cause it seems it only matters to you what he thinks about your body... :/

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  • He's being rational and pointing out that what you're doing is something you may regret later in life. I'd react the same way.

    Girls have come up in countless headlines when the boy shares her nudes with the entire school and gets bullied and harassed as a result. You don't realize the impact of a poor decision until it's too late.

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  • He is trying to protect you. If you send them to the wrong guy, then that guy can humiliate you. You don't know how the relationship will unfold. The two of you could end up hating each other.

    You now feel like hurting him, just because he is looking out for your well being. If you acted on your desire for revenge then this would be a good example of how a great guy can end up hating a woman he once wanted to protect.

    Right now you are making yourself sound like the girlfriend from hell. The poor guy can't even treat you right without your twisting it into you being victimized by him. Stop sabotaging your relationship and start being more grateful that you have a guy that cares about more than just your body.

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  • Yes, you are being unreasonable. He wasn't rude.
    He was perfectly polite and respectful about it and you want to hurt him?

    Everyone doesn't want nudes sent to them. It's simply something you need to accept. And if you don't, then find another boyfriend and don't blame him for not wanting your pics.

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  • You should be happy that you're dating an intelligent man. By highlighting the fact that he may show others nudes in the future, he demonstrates maturity. He realizes that, although he may be trustworthy today, he may not be trustworthy in the future as it concerns your nudes. Such practical foresight is rare in anyone. Additionally, he's showing a propensity to protect you by preventing you from emotional harm that may come from him sharing your nudes in the future.

    Both of you are coming from good places. There's no need for revenge.

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  • "Am I being unreasonable?"

    Yes, you are. He is respectful and would prefer intimacy in person. Also he clearly wants toprotect you from doing something stupid and also doesn't want you to do these things just so you can approval (which apparently was the case when you were suddenly hurt).
    Additionally it doesn't help his trust into you, if you send them that easily.

    Furthermore people are different. Just because your last boyfriend was a maniac about it doesn't mean your current one is. Keep in mind, there is a reason your last boyfriend is your ex.

    And last but not least - FUCKING COMMUNICATE. Like don't write "hurr durr I am hurt" and with it indirectly accusing him of hurting you, but instead of being hurt and asking things here - how about you just ask HIM why he refuses them?

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  • -He used the word "please"
    -He reminded you that he knows you're beautiful
    -He showed concern for your safety and privacy

    So no, he was not being rude, and yes, you are being completely unreasonable.

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  • "I feel like hurting him back?"

    Since you feel this way it would be best if you guys separated.

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  • You are the one being u reasonable here. You haven't even tried to understand his reaction, his point of view. If you had tried for even a minute, you would have understood that he is doing it out of respect for you.

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  • You're being VERY unreasonable. He is trying to PROTECT you. Sending pics is a poor idea. You never know if you can really trust the person you send them to not to re send them. A while back there was an article about a woman whose pic ended up being used in an AIDS ad without her knowledge or permission.

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  • I wouldn't reject a nude from a girl I like, but I think he's doing it for all the right reasons not because he is being an ass. Maybe he's afraid that his phone will be hacked or smth, or he feels tempted to show them to his friends. Whatever it is he seems wary of it and he might be protecting himself or you. Again, I wouldn't do this and probably have fun with whoever I'm talking, and compliment her but I see where he's coming from. Also, I get that you're disappointed he didn't interacted with you but why would you like to hurt him back? That seems as a it of a stretch isn't it? Maybe the two of you shouldn't be together.

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  • You are being unreasonable, if the guy doesn't want nudes respect him

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  • Your boyfriend is an odd man...

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  • You are not seeing it from his point of view. He is watching out for you. He deeply cares about you and your future. Forgodsake there us a website were exes upload nudes of their exes cuz they got pissed doff or cheated. Do you want that?

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  • I think you're a moron

    anyway if you two ever break up on bad terms know that he will not black mail you with them

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  • I think you sound kind of insecure.. I've never been into exchanging nude photos with any of my partners and it isn't like I thought they were ugly because of it. He said that he knows perfectly well that you're beautiful.

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  • Yes. You are being unreasonable. He is trying to tell you that not all men are trust worthy, and there are very serious consequences to your actions.

    I wouldn't let my girlfriend send me any nude pics either, 'cause both of us could get in very, VERY deep trouble. She could get in trouble with the law for taking child pornography as well as possessing it, and I could get in trouble for possessing it. Those are very serious offenses, and while those specifically may not apply to you, the same social ramifications are in affect.

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  • No, you're not and i bet a lot of people are going to rush to your side but the truth is he's not being the high testosterone male that he should be with a girl like you. he should want to ravage you or at least love the pics. what i sense is that he's actually turned off by them and finds them slutty. also the fact that you pretty much begged to show him more pics makes you look kind of pathetic.

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  • Whoa! Turn down your crazy for a second.

    "Hurting him back?" What the fuck did this guy do to deserve that? He was polite, he didn't offend you, all he did was tell you that he didn't like something. He even said please.

    Seriously, if you think he needs to be punished, you have problems.

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  • Thats a little weird, I get where he's coming from though. Unless he asked for them, sending nudes like that doesn't seem normal, I think you're being a little unreasonable and reading too much into his response.

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  • he was trying too be nice i give this guy props u are being very unreasonable and he wasn't rude at all u have to chill damn

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  • No, its immature and you are already seeing each other, you don't want to desensitize him do you? And I think you have a problem with validation/low self esteem.

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  • perhaps he is a good guy..

    but honestly, he is weird..
    a guy rejecting pics of his girlfriend is not normal..

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  • He just doesn't see the need for them. I'm sure he would rather see you naked in person.

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  • he was trying to be helpful and you want to hurt him for it?

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  • He's lying, he likes them a lot. He's just trying to look nice and in love with you and that he doesn't need nudes because he knows you're perfect. In face he wants more, and will eventually definitely ask you, probably even more than you want to send. I know that cause I'm a guy and I would do this.

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  • sounds like he cares about you

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  • What we have here is a failure to communicate.

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What Girls Said 29

  • Immature much? If you can't see what a great guy you have just break up wtf

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  • He doesn't want them. You in person is enough. He's not insulting you, he's not purposely humiliating you. It's just not something he's into.

    Maybe he doesn't want them on his phone because people often screen peek him? These people ranging anywhere from children to family members, to friends and coworkers.

    If you want to hurt him because he has a strong preference of seeing you in person vs seeing a photograph of you, then darling, you need to seek out some help. Just because your ex before him was into it, doesn't mean he's into it.

    Believe it or not, while they all share similarities, not one guy is identical to the next.

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  • What? You are sad coz he is basically telling you that you shouldn't send them until you are with that person... What if he isn't comfortable with girls sending nudes? You should respect that, and he didn't meant to humiliate you! He was telling you to not trust anyone with them, so i can call it " tips for being safe " besides.. Its only 3 months, give him some time... Your boyfriend is really polite! At least he isn't a guy asking for nudes only... He wants you for YOU not for your body... You should actually admire him for that... And DONT hurt him coz first of all he didn't mean to hurt you at all, and second thing, he is your boyfriend, you should respect his opinion, third thing, he said it so politely so if you hurt him fir THAT i would PERSONALLY see it quite mean..

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    • " I did nice poses just for him and I put effort to wear nice underwear and he didn't want them " you said it.. He didn't want them, he didn't ask for them! YOU humiliated YOURSELF so don't blame him and say that he's rude coz he is sooooo far from being " rude "

  • You should be thanking the stars you've landed such an objective thinker for a boyfriend.

    He didn't reject you, he's concerned about your safety and doesn't want you to be careless.

    Fucken appreciate that!

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  • He didn't mean to, he's just looking out for you. He probably is tempted to show his buddies to brag so he'd prefer you not send them in the first place. Just brush it off and be glad he isn't pressuring you like most guys would! And talk to him about why it hurt you also

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  • Well, unlike most guys... he probably thinks you were so fast to just send one upon the subject being talked about... that would be weird to me... Like if i'm talking to my boyfriend, and we've never done something like that (like sending half naked pics) and the instant I mention something about his boxers PLOP! a pic pops up with him half naked.. o.0

    to most it would be like oh wow! and get off or something, but it seems he was rather concerned... which could be both a good thing and a bad thing...

    A good thing, because it shows he's not just in it for sex and the like... and probably really really likes you... OR these could be the first signs of someone who is dating a girl to cover up his sexual preference... (which could be unlikely, but not uncommon at all).

    Being mad over this is kind of crazy... if in the future he always comments like this, when you guys are more serious, then it's definitely a red flag! but as of now, it's a good sign most likely.

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  • Ok, well yeah your boyfriend is actually a good, decent guy. Your ex was sex-crazed and obviously not for you since he is your ex. Anyway, Your boyfriend is looking out for you because he cares about you. He's right, you never know what someone will do with pics and you don't know if you guys will have a bad break up and then he has nude pics hanging over your head, blackmail, it can be a nightmare. Problem is you thought your ex was the norm and pleased him, but now you are with a respectful guy and this guy is a keeper. You should get over you hurt feelings/ego and really consider what he is saying in general.

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  • I Now Have to Ask myself.. What is He Hiding?
    Keep an Eye on your Guy and there could Be More in Store that you didn't even know with him 'Politely rejecting.' It has only been '3 months' and Hopefully Counting.
    No, you are not 'Being unreasonable,' but Possibly Gullible... He could be a bit Gay for all you Know with no Show.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Um yes. You apparently have a pretty good guy who is not just in it for what he can get out of you sexually or just wants to take things slow and you are too dumb to realize it. Straighten yourself out and thank him for being a gentlemen and trying to PROTECT YOU! If you do try to hurt him back hopefully he will move on to a better girl. No offense. It is incredibly sad to hear your response to him.

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  • You just want validation. He sees past your nude pictures. He sees a girl desperate for attention, desperate for somebody to reassure her she is beautiful.

    You are basically saying your pictures are a gift. That's kind of narcissistic and insecure at the same time. Those pics you sent him aren't for him, so much as they are for you. You want someone to tell you you are pretty, which might have bothered him

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  • maybe you need to tell him!

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  • Are you for real? How was he being rude?

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  • He was a perfect fucking gentleman, what's your damage?

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  • You're being immature, if he doesn't want them leave him alone.

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  • He doesn't want nudes, how about you respect his wishes?

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  • I think that he just doesn't like the fact that you want to sends pictures like that. Often really insecure girls do it because they feel like they need the compliments to feel good - he directly says to you that you don't need to, cause he knows you're beautiful.
    I think he is just being protective and doesn't want you to take pictures like that.

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  • He sounds really nice. Y would U send nudes if he didn't ask?

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  • No nudes means no nudes. How hard is that to understand. It's like a guy sending you a dick pic even when you tell him to stop. You're clearly the one being unreasonable. Also, since you want to hurt him back, it also seems to me like you seriously have a lot of growing up to do. He sounds like a decent guy who was just trying to protect you... Smh

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  • You're mad at him for being a respectful boyfriend, and not taking advantage like lesser men would? What the fuck is wrong with you Asker?

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  • Some guys just don't like them, he wasn't being mean about it.

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  • He's protecting you not everyone is in to sending and reviewing naked pictures. He's not your ex. Obviously he thinks naked pictures is a way of not having respect for yourself. It seems like he's a little old fashioned which is rare so cherish that.

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  • Maybe he has moral (perhaps religious, but not necessarily) objections to pornographic images.

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  • I want your boyfriend.

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  • no he was rude

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  • He does not trust himself, don't take it personally.

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  • It sounds like he just wants you to respect yourself and not have to send nudes. Maybe he is uncomfortable having nudes on his phone. He'd rather see you in person. It seems like he is just looking out for you, I think you are taking it a little to personally.

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  • He didn't say he doesn't appreciate your effort. He told you he knows you're beautiful. He's making sure you never trust a man with your nudes. He's doing it for your own good. You should be flattered that he cares enough to make sure you never send any guy nudes even if it was him. It may seem like rejection and I'm sure it hurt you but he's not doing it for the sake of being a dick. If you want to seduce him do it face to face not by sending nudes.

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  • Imagine guys wanted to hurt you because you didn't want dick pics.

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  • That's stupid. You assumed something and now you think he's being a jerk because your assumption was wrong. I think it's respectable that he doesn't want any.

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