I talked to my boyfriend about our future yesterday, but he's not ready to start planning our future yet?

I’m 26 and my boyfriend is 28. We’ve been dating for close to four years now. I have a really close relationship with him and I always tell him what’s on my mind and vice versa. Yesterday I told him that I had a lot on my mind regarding our future together (getting engaged, getting married, buying our home, etc.). I was a little hesitant to talk to him about how I was feeling yesterday because I didn’t know what his reaction would be, but he was pressuring me to tell him. So I basically asked him if he’s thinking about getting engaged soon and he kept telling me that he’s getting there. I didn’t pressure him about this subject, but I did tell him that I really feel like we should be engaged by now because of how close we are and how long we’ve been dating. Not only that, it would be great if we can start planning our future together now. I mentioned buying our home and that we’re both too old to be living with our parents now. His goal is to be out of his mother’s home by 30 so I even mentioned that he will be turning 30 next year. He said that he’s not ready to get engaged now, but he’s getting there. He asked if wanted to get engaged soon and I told him that it would be ideal for us to get engaged sometime this year. He also mentioned that he’s not financially ready to buy a ring yet (which he isn’t – he doesn’t make much money at all), but I’m not really concerned with having a big ring. I told him that. He then mentioned that he may not be ready until early next yearWhen the conversation was finished, he stated that he felt like I was pressuring him, but that wasn’t my intentions at all. I was just telling him what’s been on my mind and how I feel. He then said that the engagement will happen when the time is right and when he’s ready. He said that we both know we’re going to marry each other so why rush. I’m feeling really distant towards him today.
Thoughts on this situation? Am I being irrational at all?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's full of shit. What he's saying is why buy a cow when the milk is free. What you need to do is look up the lyrics to the song Keep Your Hands To Yourself by the Georgia Satellites and say what she says


Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems like he simply is not ready financially for all of this yet. A ring, the wedding, a house, kids, the works. All of that requires a lot of money so I think it's perfectly reasonable to not feel completely ready yet, even if your relationship has already gotten to a point where you would be ready.
    I feel like couples nowadays are rushing too fast to fill this social quota, without even really thinking about the consequences, or thinking realistically about the big picture. The time will be right when it's right. Right now it seems like he still has stuff he needs to sort out. Your feelings regarding wanting to take the relationship to the next level are valid, but you need to look at the bigger picture.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like he's playing you.


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should ask him WHY isn't he feeling ready? Is it because of financial reasons? Commitment issues? He may be thinking he has everything now, why complicate life with more? Or wants to gain some more stability before committing when he doesn't even have a stable position for himself.
    I do get the sense and feeling that you are indeed pressuring him... And maybe you should also ask yourself.. WHY are you so keen on getting engaged? Why are you so wanting on Buying a house? or getting married?
    Do you feel that because you're 26 this is what you "should" be doing? If your boyfriend isn't ready yet... He isn't ready. He clearly isn't... That's clear. Leave the topic and ask him again in 6 months from now. And in the meanwhile find out why YOU are so concerned in getting everything planned now... Would do you both good to understand your reasoning behind your actions.