Guys, do you pay for your girlfriend on dates?

do u pay for your girlfriend on dates?
and why?

i think its normal when guy pay for girl, it shows he care and like her enough to pay for her... If girl dont want he to pay she always can tell no, i ll pay for myself... but at least she know he willing to pay and he cares...
what do u think?
dont pay for girl only gigolo and loosers?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I usually assume I'll be paying, but if the girl wants to pay then I'm fine with that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • From my experiences guys who paid tended to like me more than guys who went Dutch. Not paying just shows he isn't even bothering to treat you and impress you. Like if a guy won't even try on the first date I doubt he's boyfriend material.

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    • So if paying is a way for a guy to show that he cares and is boyfriend material, what would be a girl's way to show she cares and is girlfriend material?
      What do you do (and/or your friends/girls you know) to show that?

    • nonsense. total nonsense. you are just a gold digger. why dont YOU show me you are my girlfriend material and pay for me?

    • @supernerd99
      The way I look at it is this... If you don't like how they look at it the paying situation then don't go out with them again. Dating is a way to feel out the situation and get a sense of their character... neither side is wrong you just need to find someone on the same thought level as you. If she wants a guy who is willing to pay she just needs to find someone that will, if you want a girl to go dutch or offer to pay then you gotta get out and find her. I don't think anyone is wrong here. Different strokes for different folks.

What Guys Said 70

  • Will you make me a sandwich and bring me a beer every time I want? I mean, that shows that you care :)

    -_- getting kinda tired of these conceited girls man, so pathetic.

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  • split the bill because.. EQUALITY. :P

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    • then if u have kids, will u be ready to sit with him and cook for him , while ur wife will be at work...
      lol... sounds like jigolo

    • i am the ultimate jogolo homie

    • yeh u jigalo homie. not a man

  • i always would offer to pay when dating but hoped, since i like women who show a sense of independence, that they'd offer to split or even pay the bill

    paying for the bill doesn't really show that you care about a person. it only shows that you have extra cash to pay the bill and are will to be a bit of a gentleman or gentlewoman.

    i believe that this day in age the old sexist notion that men pay for meals is antiquated and is a disservice to progress in the world where equality should be the goal

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  • I like to pay in the dating stages, yeah.

    Once we're in a relationship I think it makes sense to take turns paying. That said, I *hate* when it becomes tit-for-tat. Like, we don't need to make sure it's even down to the dollar. LOL I don't want any part of that kinda relationship.

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  • So what are you doing to show that you care? It goes both ways, you want him to take on the traditional roles you damn well better be prepared to take on yours.

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    • i have a boyfriend and he have no prblem to pay...
      its u better be prepared to be forever alone, looser

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    • i doubt u ever was in relations actually, u sound so stupid. Well, if i see he dont mind paying, that shows he care and he like me enough to pay for me and the fact that he earn like 1000 times more money than i am and have no problem to pay for me. I give him support, he can share with me all his problems and dreams and plans and worries, i ll be there for him for good and bad.
      like when my man broke his leg and barely walked i went to him and helped him, cooked, cleaned.

      but u ll never understand, cuz u actually never had any relations (beside prostitutes, lol)

    • Again with the insults? Again they are juvenile and merely prove you don't have a very solid argument. I could counter your insults but quite frankly your a person on the internet, your opinions/defense mechanisms have no bearing on how I live my life. So you wasted your time. So your saying that you don't really do anything to earn that devotion? Your saying you cooked and cleaned when he broke his leg but what about all the other times?

  • For a first date, yeah, I always want to pay. Just an old-fashioned custom I like to use.

    After that, I expect things to be 50/50. If everything else about a good relationship is supposed to be 50/50, I see no reason why it shouldn't extend to food and entertainment and the like.

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  • Here's my refutation:
    1) I don't eat her food so I gain nothing from paying.
    2) Women have incomes, this practice originated when men were the only ones earning money so it made sense. Today it makes no sense.
    3) "when guy pays for a girl, it shows he cares and likes her enough to pay for her" In order for me to pay for someone they have to prove that they're worth it. Women tend to expect to be paid for on the first date while I only spend money on people that truly matter to me. By this logic a woman could also pay for a man to prove she cares for him but you rarely see that happen.

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    • I agree with you. The first date my boyfriend and I split the bill. The other day he insisted he pay, but I didn't like it, I had my own money to pay. I specifically brought money for that reason.

  • Soo everytime you dont pay does your date think you don't care?

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  • When my wife, and I first started dating. I spent the very few dates paying for both of us, but around the 5th-6th date. We ended up splitting the cost.

    I believe that a gentleman will pay for the first couple of dates, and then both can split the meals 50/50. It's of course nice to see a girl attempt to pay, and that right there shows she is willing to be considered a fair equal within the relationship. My wife did this. Though she knew I would end up paying. She wanted to show her independence, and that caused me to respect her even more.

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  • I pay for the first couple of dates then we split or take turns. No big deal.

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  • i make wayyyy more money than my girlfriend so i pay often, but she pays often too. i don't keep count, i think it's silly how some couples do that haha like what do u do keep a ledger and collect the difference at the end of the month?

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  • PAying for dates is shitty. Every time i've been on the date the girl strongly implies that I am paying for the meal. Then she'll never talk to me again or will only ever go to dinner with me. Fuck paying for dates--if you pay for dates its a gigantic sign saying "HEY I'M HERE TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF"

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    • i doubt if any normal girl wuld also want to see u after u refused to pay, its giantic sign saying 'I AM JGOLO"

  • Women want equality and feminism but still want guys to pay. How does that work?

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  • I'm rather old-fashioned so I always take care of the bill. Doesn't even matter if I'm not attracted to the girl whatsoever. I'll even pick up the bill for female friends I'm not dating. I must admit there's probably some subconscious sexist mindset associated with this, but to me it's too difficult to break the strands of society.

    It's like tipping. It's fundamentally and conceptually wrong for a restaurant to avoid providing a proper salary for their waiters and waitresses, but I'm not about to go on some personal vendetta against society by refusing to tip. I've known some people who do that and all it does is make the victims suffer.

    So I don't personally believe it's right to pay the bill, but I do it anyway. It's all tied to my idea of chivalry which can never be 100% divorced from the idea that women need to be taken care of by men.

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  • He can cook and raise kids too so not paying would make you equally gigolo and looser OP, Or you are just mad you can't get laid and your date make you pay the bills and that's your only way you can get a date so you just going with it lol

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    • my boyfriend have no problem to pay for me, i domt date loosers like u , lol, so relax

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    • looool, oh f*uck u sound like blond barbie doll without a brain...
      my man is my ideal. look good, smart (educated from harvard) true gentleman, u not even close

    • Lmaoo sure, Implying you ever gonna get one.. you aren't. You are too to imagine bfs OP

  • I would love the ability to pay all the time. but reality is, most men cannot. I also don't want a freeloading gold digger. So, even if I had the ability to pay, I am going to watch closely. My rule is if she does not pay at least once in the first 3 dates, I drop her and move on to someone that wants to be my partner. Not someone just looking for a free night out.

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  • "it shows he care and like her enough to pay for her" I agree. I also believe a woman paying shows that she cares and likes him enough to pay for him. Therefore both should make an effort.

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    • sorry, but it calls jigolo... i am not into them

  • Yes it is kind of normal, a girl may periodically want to treat a guy but I think usually a guy would pay.

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  • The amount time, effort and money (with respect to total wealth) that a man is willing to spend on a date is proportionate to his desire for that particular woman and his perceived chance of getting into said woman's pants.

    If a relationship is already established then the amount that he is willing to spend is proportionate to the desire of him to sustain the relationship.

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  • While I know that it's unnecessary, while in a relationship I consider my money "our money" so on dates I'll be glad to pay just so she doesn't have to worry about it and just enjoy the date to the fullest!

    If she ever thinks that we are spending way too much from my money, I will, for example, pay the food, then she can pay the cinema and split things around.
    But I couldn't care less who is paying while I'm with her, I'm just happy to be there.

    As for first dates, I will always insist to pay, not because they need it or that I'm a gentleman, no, I will insist to pay because it was my pleasure to go out with the girl, and that I've enjoyed her company enough that paying the bill is the very least I could do.
    So it's my way of thanking for her company.
    Plus how she reacts to that will show me some hints about her personality :)

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  • I pay, unless she insists which she does at times.

    I pay, not out of tradition, or necessity, but because I have
    a lot of money, compared to her, although we share them now.

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  • I think the bill should be split until we become exclusive and/or we start having sex. At that point I'd be ok with paying for her.

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  • Nah, I don't think so. Why is he a loser and a gigolo if he wants to split the bill? How does that make any fucking sense?
    See, as far I've dated, every girl I've dated were actually opposed to the idea of me picking up the tab. They're not my property. They can take care of themselves. I respect that. I greatly respect that. Stop being silly. Women are showing they can do just fine. And its appropriately egalitarian. I don't see why you need to badmouth dudes.

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  • I pay but since we have a common bank account, it has no importance.

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  • me and the gal usually take turns paying.. or I cover most and she'll cover smaller things etc

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  • I believe that the new norm is whoever asked the other out pays. My wife and I usually take turns, so... But honestly I don't mind paying.

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  • Speaking in general,

    I would say yes, I am sure guys do pay for their girlfriend on dates.

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  • I am traditional I see that men should pay for dates

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  • I always pay even on mate dates with female friends.
    I'm old fashioned like that and it's only money.

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What Girls Said 31

  • My boyfriend pays for me mostly on birthdays/anniversaries or special occasions. Otherwise we mostly pay for ourselves.

    I don't place much value in whether he pays or not equating to whether he 'really cares' for me, though. I'm not a hooker, after all...

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    • absolutely logical. i do the same.

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    • Agree. Showing love through money is pitiful, unless if it were like if you needed the money for some emergency but to spend money to impress a woman is wrong in my book

      What's tbqh btw?

    • @kelvinmed yea of course. Like if i didn't have any cash on me or asked if he could pay, no wrong in him doing so as id pay him back anyhow. I'd just hate to make it an expectation going either way.. We both make similar amounts with similar expenses, after all!

  • I mean, this is really one of those things that people just soooooo overthink. So totally overthink.

    Here's the rule, y'all:
    RESENTMENT = DOING IT WRONG
    NO RESENTMENT = DOING IT RIGHT

    Really... That's it. That's it. Whole enchilada. End of. Period.

    People just have such different styles, when it comes to this.

    On one end, you have girls like me. I... just don't like spending other people's money. That even extends to joint money that other people earned. I mean, I like to buy frivolous shit from time to time, but that's mostly because I'm the main earner in the family. If our incomes were flipped and my man out-earned me in a 77/23 ratio, I'd just feel guilty as hell spending the money HE brought in on the same frivolous shit (even if it's for him!). Even if it was totally ok with him. Not rational.

    On the other end, well, you have gold diggers. And you have girls who, while not actually gold diggers, are more "old-fashioned" about this. (Yes, people, there are non-gold-diggers who still have that sort of values system.)

    Similarly, on one end you have men who just like to throw money around because it makes THEM feel good to throw money around. Same men who like to "entertain" and who regularly buy rounds for everyone at the bar. These are the kinds of men who'd almost be offended if you didn't LET them pay for you.

    On the other end you have literal gigolos and pimps, and other assorted men of that stripe. And the scorecard-keepers and all that shit.

    There's just such a huge variety that it's pointless to try to generalize, and it's arrogant to think that others should approach the issue in the same way you do.

    I think it's only common sense that, when two people earn VASTLY different amounts of money, the higher earner should be paying more, in general. Because, well, duh. And also because it just isn't gna be logistically possible for those two people to go out together, otherwise. (The higher earner won't be content spending 100% of the time doing things that the lower earner can afford half of. If he/she were content with that, he/she wouldn't have put in the effort to become the higher earner in the first place! LOL)

    Beyond that, no harm no foul.

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  • I think it's always really sweet and courteous when a guy insists on paying for my meal on a date. There's just something so cute and kinda nurturing about him giving me a stern look like "put your wallet away" then paying for food that nourished my body.

    In my relationship, we take care of each other and take turns paying for each other's meals or split the bill. But if we go out to dinner, like a really nice restaurant then he won't let me pay.

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  • You know what shows a guy that a girl cares for him?

    When she doesn't assume that his penis insinuates that the evenings events are automatically paid for.

    Why would he pay for her? Because she has a vagina? I don't get this "Men must pay" bull because gender doesn't automatically mean you have to foot the bill. Give me a break.

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    • Well last time I checked, having a penis means that we don't have anything better to spend our hard earned money on than buying dinner for a girl we met a week ago. Obviously bills don't matter.

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    • what octavius said. you speak so rationally that one can think you are a dude in dusguise! an your mindset makes paying for you more attractive.

  • This is a different world than the 50's or 60's where the guy was expected to pay. Today's economy has people barely able to make ends meet, much less pay for date after date. If a guy is dating to find someone to be in a relationship with, he may go on 2-3 dates a week. A girl will do the same. How is it fair the man must always pay while the girl skates?

    Dutch on first date, or you buy dinner, I'll get movie type of thing. At least look like you're trying to pitch in. Once you're exclusive, mu turn/your turn is fair to me.

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  • Are you kidding me? A man has to be a man, step up and take care of his woman. I see a sense of "I've got this and I've got you taken care of" if a guy pays for me. All my dates always pay for me out of genuine respect and yes I agree that a woman should have some independence and pay often, but if a guy takes no initiative to even offer then... something about that speaks selfishness. I like guys to pay and yes I am traditional and to me it's more of a symbol of masculinity.

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  • I think I would like the guy to at least offer to pay. However, when I go on dates if it isn't clarified that he is paying before hand I make sure I have money to pay for myself and just assume I will be. If he stops me when I pull out my wallet or tell me he's going to pay, then that's extra props to him and I'll think he's more of a gentleman. If he doesn't pay it isn't anything against him, but I just think it's more romantic and a date if he offers.

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    • Yeah if he offers it feels more like a date even if you plan on going dutch regardless. Assuming that everyone is paying for themselves makes it feel abit more like just a hang out which is nice too as it takes the pressure off. It's more like a friend hang out and your not worried about what will happen at the end of the date... can be pretty liberating.

  • If you don't like it tell him!

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  • that is a very sensitive subject. It depends with each person and his ideals.
    I don't really like when guys pay for me cause I feel like I owe them smthng now.
    I start to feel a heavy burden on my shoulders like I need to return the favor and worry to not order anthng to expensive and so on
    But on the other hand, some guys really do get offended when I offer or insist to pay -_- So they d be like close your wallet or I am leaving...
    you can't really win with this :P

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    • Totally agree here! I prefer to go dutch or pay when dating, takes a lot of pressure away from feeling like you have to do something you may not be ready for. a lot of the time it feels a lot like just hanging out with friends, so your not waiting for his call or worrying if he was interested afterwards. I also feel like dating helps to establish the roles in which both will fall into during the relationship if you so chose to even have a relationship. Nothings worse then feeling like you owe someone something. I like to have the ability to call the shots. If I was interested after the date I'd call him when I got around to it, if I didn't call then hopefully he'd take the hint. The 21st century is an amazing time for woman. Nothings wrong for wanting the guy to pay if that's your thing, you just gotta go out and find one... that is what dating is for - to get a feel for their character and how things will work if you choose to pursue more.

    • @WhatAreYouReading 100% true :)

  • My boyfriend pays on every date and won't let me... I've offered multiple times and he always says no.

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  • I don't date. I never have, but I always pay for myself. I get very uncomfortable when others pay for me girls or guys. It makes me feel guilty. There was only one time a guy paid for me, but it was only because he confiscated my purse and wouldn't give it back to me until he paid... yea lol. But if I were to go out on a date I would pay for myself. If we were to get married it wouldn't matter who decided to pay or not cause the money be coming from the same place anyway. Therefore I wouldn't care.

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  • Personally my boyfriend always pays, i've tried to pay for it but he won't let me the only thing I can get away with is if I buy something in advance of him picking me up.

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  • My father always taught me to take enough money with me to cover anything I expect/want to do. If I've spent anyears of it and it's the first date, find someone else. And I agree with that whole heartedly. I've actually lived by it. Now that Im married, my husband always pays. We share a bank account but if there is cash he keeps it in his wallet. If I cash my check I give it to him and he might use it to buy dinner. It is his responsibility in our marriage to do the act of paying for everything. Now I pay all the bills, but that's because he doesn't much understand it. Lol

    Back when I was dating, I liked for the first couple of dates to be free or as cheap as possible. I didn't want a guy I barely knew to have to pay for me, but if he didn't try, it'd be over. By the time we went on a real date I could tell if he would try to pay or not

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  • When I was dating I always went dutch or offered to pay altogether. I like it, makes me feel like I have the power in the relationship and if he's not paying I don't feel like I owe him anything, the pressure to get sexual fast goes away completely. It's pretty liberating.

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    • "pressure to get sexual fast goes away completely". So true.

    • YES!!!

      There is so much pressure when it comes to dating. The beginning of the relationship is so important, it establishes the rules of the game in my opinion. Going dutch makes it seem more like going out with friends... ya know? Puts you on equal ground. Takes away the pressure for anything else to happen and buys you time to figure out what you even want that is if you even want anything, kinda puts you in the drivers seat. You don't feel like you owe him anything. You don't spend as much time worried about where things are going or what will happen at the end of the date. It is liberating and amazing.

  • I think that the guy should pay the first couple dates but after that I think they can take turns paying or split it 50/50. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, it would be unfair for him to pay everytime. He still likes to pay but I dont let him everytime.

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  • I never turn down my boyfriend when he says he'll pay. He says it makes him feel more like a gentleman and enjoys caring/providing for me. But i also like knowing that I can pay for not only me but both of us if I needed to or just wanted to treat him.

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    • yes like my man have n problem to pay for me, but i also have no problem to buy some fod when i visit him or buy small things for myself in a trip (which he payed for)

  • yes you should pay on dates

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  • "i think its normal when guy pay for girl, it shows he care and like her enough to pay for her..."

    Okay, but why not the other way around? Do guys not deserve the same kind of treatment?

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  • Yeah, I think offering to pay at least shows the other person that you're invested and interested enough to buy them something. If he doesn't offer I usually just get the impression that he's not all that into me. If I like the guy though, I'll offer to pay for half of the bill.. Just shows my mutual interest.

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  • Nope. We gonna slip.

    If I asked we out... Maybe I could pay.

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  • Its only the right thing if he does.
    When we go out as a family my dad pays for the whole family so whats anyones excuse?

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  • My boyfriend always pays whenever we go out. I tried once but he wouldn't let me so i let him lol but i wouldn't be opposed to paying now and again

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  • Most guys pay for their girlfriends on dates.

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  • Woman want equality then how they still want the man to pay? Never seen more selfish than feminism.

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    • u sound like feminist now

  • Guys don't have to always pay for dates. In my case, we split or we take turns.

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  • Whosever idea it was pays.

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  • I used to pay for druggie boy friend. Big deal!

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  • I'd like if he pays

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  • Yes some guys pay for their girlfriends on dates. But at the same time it's ok if a girl wants to pay for the date also.

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  • I'm sorry I can't stop laughing at how bad your English is

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