Would you date someone who has a child?

A lot of people say they wouldn't because it's baggage, it's drama, or the person has already been through having a kid so it's not exciting. Many people have children now though, so is deciding not to give someone a chance because of that worth it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • At my age, I wouldn't be able to date someone with a child. When getting into a serious relationship with a girl who has a kid, you will have to take the father-role over pretty quickly. While I wouldn't have much of a problem with this, it takes a lot more time and involvement than a relationship without a kid.
    Furthermore, I would love to have kids of my own one day, and 'taking over" someone else's kid has me feeling weird.

    If I was older (and not in university anymore), I would certainly consider it much more than now. At this point in time, it is not something I'd want to do.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Absolutely not.

    Why would I want to complicate my life by dating someone that has made some pretty big mistakes in their life?

    I don't want to have to be involved with children and especially not with a person who seems to think it's some sort of crime not to find them datable.

    I don't have children, I don't want children, so it would make zero sense for me to get into a relationship with a single parent. But even if I did want children, I'm not obligated to give anyone a chance just because they think they're worth it. Such an entitled attitude to have, which actually is quite common among single parents, especially girls.

    "My children are not a mistake, I wouldn't trade them for the world!!1!"

    That may be so, however I highly doubt when you were growing up, you dreamed of a life of single parenthood. When people picture their ideal lives, very few are excited at the idea of raising a child alone. So while you don't specifically consider your children to be mistakes, mistakes were definitely made.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's the upsetting truth.

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    • A bit opinionated there. I respect your decision not to want kids so please accept other people's choices.

      No my kid was not a mistake. She was a planned progression of my marriage. There was no mistake. As two people we grew in different directions. It happens in many relationships. No I didn't dream of single parent hood, but neither did I dream of being alone forever because I couldn't face a future with a man I didn't love anymore.

      I agree you're not obligated to date someone with a kid anymore than you're expected to have one of your own. I don't appreciate you dissing all single parents and assuming we all got randomly pregnant because we were drunk or looking for handouts.

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    • And not every person's story is the same or an episode of Jerry Springer. You shouldn't generalise. You've made it clear you think your opinion will upset people, well if those people all assumed you were vapid and heartless because you don't want kids you wouldn't like it. I am not all single parents, but funnily enough a lot of single parents aren't. You'll find most just get on with it quietly. You only hear about the unpleasant ones and judge us all on that.

      And FYI no kid is a mistake, no matter what the circumstances of their conception/birth. My boyfriend was an accident but his parents don't love him any less than his brother who was planned.

    • @Wizbit

      I don't really care what opinions some parents (single or not) might form about me for choosing not to have kids because most of the time those opinions are just knee jerk reactions to not being like them.

      There's a reason why I included the mistake paragraph. Every single parent parrots that same annoying mantra and it makes literally no difference to me whether the kid ended up being loved or not.

      "And FYI no kid is a mistake, no matter what the circumstances of their conception/birth."

      This is feelings talking, not objective thinking.

What Guys Said 25

  • I've tried, and from what I've learned through my 3 encounters of women with children, they're all just in it for a good fuck.

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  • i wouldn't let a person's child stop me from dating them if i felt like there was a real connection.

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    • "Wouldn't let the kid stop me from dating" ≠ "would want to be an active step-parent". There's a big big gap between those.

      Is this just a really understated way of saying the second one?

    • @redeyemindtricks you seem to be inferring a lot about what i said based on a rather straight forward statement. the question is would i date someone with a child. my answer is i wouldn't avoid dating someone just because they have a child. obviously if i am willing to date and potentially get married or whatever to a person with a child i'd be a step-parent. the kid and the mother are a package deal. you don't get one without the other

    • Common sense ain't as common as you'd like to think.

  • If I wasn't married, I'd date a single parent on two conditions :
    1. The children's dad and his mom are completely out of the picture: no visiting rights, no shared child education. I don't want to cope with a jealous ex.
    2. The children are some 4 years away from hitting puberty. The time needed for them to accept me. I don't want to cope with an adolescent playing me out against his/her dad and granny.

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    • Fair answer but you're being very biased re the birth parent. My daughter's father is still in the picture in the sense that he still has her to stay alternate weekends. He has a girlfriend, I have my boyfriend. There isn't any jealousy or problems. It's a beneficial arrangement as it means we get to be a family but also get weekends alone to go out or sit home naked all day.

    • @Wizbit good for you if you like it that way.

  • My particular experience dating a single mom would lead me to say no, but ONLY because she did not seem like she was interested in being a good parent. She often ignored her child and it made me feel horrible. She would not take any advice from me on how to be a parent so it was difficult.

    However, I would be open to dating a single mom again IF she clearly loves her children. It's also important for her to realize that the dating phase is not always going to mean you'll end up together for the rest of their lives. The girl I dated gave me an ultimatum on the first date pretty much saying she wanted me to be in it for the long haul before really even getting to know her. (I thought it would work out at first and I was still interested in her so I took the only chance I could for that opportunity. Unfortunately it did not end up being what either of us wanted so it ended).

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  • my last girlfriend had a kid. we started dating properly when he was 6 months old and I was there for his first step, his first word, his first birthday... everything. We talked about moving in with each other and being a proper family but we split up after about 2 years and it ripped my heart out knowing i'd never see him again.

    Not only had i lost the woman of my dreams, it felt as though i lost a child as well.

    After that experience I would be very hesitant to date anyone with a young kid, and even if i did I would stay as distant as i could to the child which would probably cause problems anyway.

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  • No way. Not interested in a single parent, having to plan everything around their kid, or the fact that it's someone else's kid. That's even before we consider the presence and/or influence of the kid's biological dad.

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  • I probably would but I wouldn't be involved with the children unless we've been dating for a while. It's not like I dislike single mothers but, I've seen many guys get used by single mothers and I would hate to be used.

    P. S nothing against single mothers or whatever.

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  • I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I raised two of my own, so it's not like I don't have experience.

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  • If she's an awesome mother and I really cared for her then of course

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  • No. plenty without children to choose from.

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  • Lol Nopeeee

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  • Absolutely have in the past and would definitely again, someone having a kid is no reason to not date them

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  • If I was attracted to them I'd have no problem with them having a kid.

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  • exciting. Many people have children now though, so is deciding not to give someone a chance because of that worth it?

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  • I wouldn't just because I know me and I know I wouldn't care for the kid as if they were my own so I wouldn't want to put someone through that

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  • Btdt no thanks.

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  • I wouldn't say its a problem, me and my girlfriend have been together over a year and her 5 year old daughter adores me and I adore her.

    People often think she is mine.

    But I can see why it is baggage that would put people off.

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  • Hell no

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  • No i would never.

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  • No problem for me.

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  • Dating, of course. Marriage it depends.

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  • nope

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  • fuck no all the things that could happen too me no

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  • Ya I don't see why not

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  • I always thought I would never date a woman with a kid tell him that my girl girlfriend who has a young son. And now I'm crazy about both of them

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What Girls Said 17

  • I'd only date someone with a kid if I've known them for a looong time because chances are I'd already know their baby momma or I'd have met her by then. If it's someone I just met, probably not. I just don't do well with drama and I've seen too many friends deal with the baby's mom hating them, etc. A lot of it comes with our generation, though. Jealousy EVERYWHERE. Whereas when my mom met my dad, my brother was a year old and my dad's ex wife was pretty cool with my mom. But that was a whole 'nother time.

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    • I've said similar in another comment but you shouldn't be too judgmental on the jealousy issue. I've got no interest in my baby father's girlfriend. I know her name and that she exists. As long as I get no negative responses from my daughter that's all I need to know. He is an ex, which means we're over, done and past. The only reason we have any contact is because of our daughter. I really don't care about who he's dating unless it affects my daughter in a bad way. I don't hate his girlfriend. I have no interest in her whatsoever.

  • I've always said no, thats why my last "fwb" and I didn't end up dating, i'm in no shape to be a step mum, how can I care after someone els's children when I'm still trying to take care of myself. I think you can take a chance, however that is still taking a chance in getting close with their children and them being pulled away from you when and if you break up. it's hard because when you date someone you're also dating their children if they have.

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  • as a woman without kids, my opinion is this: if the guy has kids, i'll never be his priority.

    call me selfish, but any man with kids will always put them first... at the expense of the relationship.

    this is excluding the obvious fact that you'll never be "mom"~ the kids may not like you, as they'll think you're trying to replace the other parent, which will cause trouble in your relationship... not to mention that his baby mama will be a part of your lives until the day you die (or break up, whichever is first).

    don't get me wrong; i admire people who put their kids first while dating, and i think that stepparents are awesome~ i have them, but you couldn't pay me to be one.

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  • No I wouldn't.

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  • No That's not for me

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  • I would date them. A child is not baggage but a blessing. As it gets serious, I would ask to have the child more involved in our relationship. Depending on how old they are we'd probably do it differently. If they're younger then we can go play, have picnics and slowly assimilate ourselves as a family. If it's a grown child then I'd work to get they're trust and show them that I'm not only dating their father but want to be their friend and a motherly figure.

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  • Yes I would.

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  • Don't do it unless you are completely confident in yourself and him!!

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  • No. I don't want to have children of my own, so to have to deal with someone else's children would pretty much be a nightmare for me.

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  • Most likely not but I might

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  • It's not just the child it's the constant drama of dealing with their ex

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  • I don't want a family, ever, so no. Children aren't a part of my life plan.

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  • Hell no

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  • I would not.

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  • I'd be fine with it. Make sure the child is polite and not annoying. Don't be overly obsessed, and make sure the child does not think you are taking over- be friendly.

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  • I did date a guy with a 2 y/o son. I got really close to the kid over time, and he seemed to like me. His dad used me for money and literally left the state without telling me once he had the money.

    Yes, that is an extreme case. But I don't think I can deal with emotionally losing the kid and the father. So for now, no I would not try again. Maybe when I'm a lot older.

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  • It depends the situation you know. Some still have to much contact with their Ex's because of a child and it bothers other people. But lets be honest most people now have kids. I believe if you want to date someone their child will have an important spacw in your life too.

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