If someone didn't find you attractive but now wants a relationship?

I overthink everything but would that make you feel insecure?

If someone openly told you that to start with, they didn't really think you were their type and weren't attracted to you, but now after spending more time together want a relationship with you.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel like a relationship would be bad idea if she still found you unattractive. Someone who can overlook any physical flaw (aka someone who only cares about personality) is one thing, but it is a problem if the person does care about looks yet imagines your personality will make up for it.

    Here's why:
    -- As a person with a partner who doesn't find you attractive, you might start feeling like you need to compensate. Rather, you may be thinking that you aren't good enough.

    -- Many people in this situation would be most likely paranoid that the SO would be going for someone else as well... Like being worried that she seeks fulfillment for your own flaws.

    -- It could lead to a person feel like they are being settled upon. I imagine that is kind of an awful feeling.

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    • Thank you... he's a really great guy and our humour is exactly the same so it's always really comfortable talking to him, but I just don't feel good enough and it's stuck in the back of my head.

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    • It is alright. I'm here to help you (or at least try to help), don't feel bad. You aren't useless!

      In any case, here's my advice:
      If you don't think you'll be able to get rid of the feelings of doubt in your head but still want to try dating him, I would confront directly. Just ask him if he finds you attractive and just explain why if he asks. Confronting may seem a bit awkward if not risky, but I think this is the only way to get rid of the doubt. Otherwise the doubt will ruin any moment with him from here on out.

      If he says no again or if you simply don't want to confront him, I would personally move on. Being feeling like you are settled will only drag the relationship down if happened to start. (The reasons in my original answer).

    • Thank you :) I move away quite soon anyway so I don't know what's going to happen regardless. Just confusing because he's making comments about me not going and he wants to keep trying to see eachother. But could be the whole settling thing I suppose...

Most Helpful Girl

  • That'd be a solid no.

    If someone initially tells me I'm not their type and not attractive to them then they are not the kind of person I want to be with. I would immediately fall under the impression that they are relying on me as either a last resort or if they like my personality alone, which is nice and all, but if I felt physically unattractive to my partner that would detrimentally damage our intimate relationship.

    If they don't see my value or see me as physically attractive from the very beginning then they need to accept that this completely removes the possibility of us ever being together.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I would think something's going on, I'll probably think she's trying to trick me, but that can happen, cause it has happened to me, where I didn't find a girl attractive but I started spending time with her and I ended up falling for her.
    If I were you I wouldn't jump into the relationship straight away, I'd wait and spend time with him to see if he really wants you, just in case.

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  • I'd feel like that was settling, which no one should do. Lack of attraction can definitely screw you down the line if a relationship is pursued.

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  • Would never date that person, because I'm a bit greedy and I want to know that the person I'm dating looks at me with desire and admires my mind and body.

    I feel like I would just a way to pass time until something perfect comes along for them.

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  • Hell no he lost his shot after he didn't find you attractive

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  • That can certainly happen. Sometimes people don't realize how much they like you until they get to know you. I know that girls hate this, though, because y'all always want to feel like your guy is more attracted to you than you are to him. Y'all don't like feeling like your guy has the upper hand, so to speak.

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    • I wouldn't say it's that, I'm just really insecure and have this thing that I'd be embarrassed if someone was with me, so if someone felt that way it's fine but I'd feel like... I dunno. I'm not sure where I was going with that just writing as I think! Thanks for answering though :)

  • It's the settler and reacher thing

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  • Well I'd flat out reject her anyway.

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  • What can you say some people like a fungus they grow on you

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  • Yeah, that would be a big warning flag.

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What Girls Said 4

  • If this is a guy saying to a girl, no way. If it's a girl saying to a guy then it can work.

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    • Was a guy saying it to me. Why do you think would it be any different if it was the other way around?

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    • I have fell in love with a girl but I wasn't attracted to her at first. We both used to hate each other. And then we started dating. Our relationship lasted for five years. I became more attracted to her. She broke up with me because she fell in love with someone else in college. Stop stereotyping. Not every guy is the same.

    • @johnnywoods So what you are saying is it didn't work out for you. Interesting.

  • I would possibly tell them to beat it. If they aren't at least somewhat attracted it won't work out. But that's just coming from about 90 years combined of relationships that I've seen at the end of those 50/20/10 years and it's not pretty - no pun intended. They both have resented eachother for not being what they want or caring for them how they want.

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  • Your fat.

    Boy- kill yourself! Your overweight!

    Girl loses weight

    Your pretty now let's date!

    You want to date a guy like this?

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  • i would def not give that person a chance. they are clearly flaky. don't know what they want and change their mind easy. that is a person who probably would cheat in near future.. trust me i met a lot of guys. it's why i am not dating anymore. sick of the crap they bring into my life lol not worth it

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