Is he a racist?

I went on four dates with this very hot white guy. Things went a bit far after the 2nd date and we ended up having amazing sex on that and the next 2 dates. I really liked him a lot. I decided to hang out with an old boyfriend for dinner one night after the hot white guy said he couldn't go out with me that night due to a previous engagement with some friends who wanted to go out for a beer. My old boyfriend also happens to be a tall black man and we're still very close friends. Coincidentally the hot white guy and all his friends just happened to be drinking beers at the same place my X and I decided to dine and he came up to me as I entered the establishment to talk. As my friend entered the place, he joined me and the hot white guy which perplexed the new guy. I introduced the two and jokingly introduced them as Xxx my new lover and Yyy my old lover. New lover looked shocked even though I told him Xxx and I were just friends and hang out sometimes then gave him a kiss right in front of my friendly date then told him to have fun and we'd talk later. We were not officially dating or even talking about a serious relationship, just having fun getting to know each other. I'm no longer sleeping with the old boyfriend but just hang out with him and some other friends sporadically. The hot white guy has not called me in two weeks. I make it a habit of not calling men for dates so I've just wondered why he's no longer calling. Is he a racist? Should I just say good riddance and move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of being a racist. That thought is based on what?
    And why don't you text or call him? You know girls can make moves to you know and he probably feels, idiotic as it may be, that you owe him one. You did all the right things! You introduced him properly, you kiss him and you sleep with your ex. Not sure what is problem is, he should be happy to have an honest girlfriend. Your whatever you call it.

    I'd say make a move and talk to him and see what haopens. You have nothing to apologize for though if he is mad, based on what I've read.

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What Guys Said 24

  • I'll be quite straight! You blew it with him! You won't be seeing HIM again.

    It's not racist. He simply got upset, that at the first opportunity you had, you met up with an ex. What else was he to think or do. It was quite possible for you to have been planning to have sex with this ex.

    You may not have talked about dating or being exclusive, but there are things like this that no one should EVER do. You just got caught.

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      I agree 100%, it doesn't come down to racism.

    • Why change the story? I wanted advice, not a new story. If I were wanting to sleep with my ex, I would have just explained that I was still sleeping with other men and in a non-exclusive relationship with the new guy. You don't know me so what's the risk of just being honest? I think you're dragging old jealousies from your own past into my post which is ridiculous. You're wrong, I didn't get caught doing anything except have a social night out with a friend that I've had for a decade. I'll continue to have that friend the rest of my life I hope. Guys can't imagine not having sex with a friend of the opposite sex because that's how they're wired, but girls are not wired the same as guys. I just made a mistake with my introduction, that's all. He called me back eventually and we got it all worked out I'm happy to report. The reason why I thought he might be racist was because my friends kept telling me that. I didn't jump to the conclusion, I was led to believe it by others.

  • Guys don't take well to their women hanging out with exes. There are all sorts of implications. Being a racist is the last one I can think of. Women do struggle with this concept , few guys can remain friends with exes. So when a woman does they think it's still sexual.
    In fact you've totally misunderstood this whole situation. You've made the new guy think your a player and he was just something on the side. He's hurt and your insistence to not contact him just reinforces his thoughts.

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  • I don't know about racist, as this is just odd behavior to me.

    I really don't want to, right after sleeping with a woman and starting to really get into her, meet her ex-boyfriend and get introduced to him jokingly as her "old lover" while now I'm her "new lover".

    Even as a casual joke, it's not exactly setting up the most comfortable situation.

    It's possible it has something to do with your old boyfriend being black, but to me this situation just has all kinds of wrong there.

    I really think you shouldn't introduce people like that, you could just call your old boyfriend a "good friend", not an "old lover".

    This hot white guy might be equally surprised and freaked out if your ex was a white guy. I don't know. I just don't think this is a smart way to be going about introducing very fresh, new boyfriend material, to your ex-boyfriend, even though you two just happened to run into each other.

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  • Pretty sure he'd be just as turned off if your ex was white. Most guys have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to dating girls who still hang out with guys she used to have sex with.

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  • Fuck, everything is racist nowadays, even when you're the one making the mistake, you still think the other person is racist...

    And then they wonder...

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  • Dudette… why'd you do that? Are you mad? And you're 26? You're old enough to know better :P

    From his point of view, you were on a date with your ex-lover. In case you're unaware, sex-with-the-ex is a thing. From his point of view, he doesn't know if you're sleeping with your ex, or if you're disinterested in the new lover and going back to the old, or whatever. Yes, you said you're not sleeping together. No, I wouldn't listen to your protests that there's no sex… I'd be creeped out instead. I'd trash talk you the whole evening to my friends to make it easier to move on (hint: you're the "crazy bitch").

    It's not just the logic of it either. Emotionally, he probably just felt all the energy sapped out of this budding relationship.

    Take the lesson, don't do it again.

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  • It's possible he didn't want to see you anymore because you were with a black guy. It's also possible that he didn't like being introduced to your ex. It's also possible he wouldn't have contacted you if you didn't see him that night. We have no way to know for sure though.

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  • We through around calling being racist and sexist too much. His individual reaction to a single person does not define he feelings for an entire race. I wouldn't assume people are racist unless they vocalize their dislike of an entire race or make generalizations about them.

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  • Not racist.. He's probably just not comfortable with the concept of still hanging out with ex's when you're in a new relationship. He's turned off by the situation.

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  • I think it's dumb to assume he's a racist, he probably thinks you shouldn't be hanging around your ex and that you haven't moved on so you're a waste of time.

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  • Yes he is , u have to leave him

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  • It's more like you were seen out with another guy and. he just didn't like that

    And cut that habit out of not calling for dates. It's backwards thinking and not attractive.

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  • You have a really weird way of analyzing! I must say.

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  • I don't blame him for not calling you back. You sound like one of those women that likes to play games. If he had any sense he would find another woman and forget about you.

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  • Might be, but almost no one likes meeting a girl's ex right off the bat.

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  • Yeah

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  • No he isn't , what do you do if your hot guy kissed girls in front of you? ? He doesn't belive that you are just friends with you old boyfriend, so the problem is you not your boyfriend.

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  • He's not racist. He can do better, don't pursue a relationship, for his sake.

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  • No idiot he thinks your lying to him...

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  • Yes he's racist. That's exactly what it is.

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  • Could be and or could be peanut butter and...

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  • Good riddance no need to wait.

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  • You should like a fucking whore.
    YOu should of just had both of them DP you.
    Mix the black and white inside your potang.

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  • He should say good riddance to you.

    You hang out with your ex. I'd dump you for that.
    You kiss him in front of this new guy. Bye, bitch.

    You're low quality, sweetie.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Why on earth would you resort to racism on this? He was clearly uncomfortable with your relationship with your ex. Plain and simple.

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    • Because many people have a bias for presuming racist intentions due to new outlets and culture creating this bias. I agree that he likely more felt uncomfortable with that interaction.

  • More like he doesn't want to date someone who will go out with an ex. I know my feelings would be hurt if I saw my new love interest out with an ex. It just shows how finicky they are, in my opinion. I'd have this feeling in the back of my mind every time I go out that they might be reconnecting with one of their exes...

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  • Yeah racist!

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  • I don't think he's a racist. He probably just got butt hurt seeing you out with another guy.

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  • He could have been racist or insecure thinking he'll never measure up (pun intended) to your ex

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  • Wtf? You sound racist

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  • I don't think he's racist, just uncomfortable that you went out with a former lover. Some people (men and women) aren't comfortable knowing you still maintain that level of friendship with an old flame. Maybe even jealous or something.

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