Why is he acting distant? Or is it just me?

I've known this guy for a month. In the beginning he would message me often and after the first two times we met up we didn't talk for about a week. The 2nd date wasn't great (we went to the movies). After the week with no contact he invited me to his house and we had a great time (so I thought). He cooked me dinner and dessert. We just sat on his couch watching TV, there was a little touching going on.

When I got home I texted him, both agreed we had a good time and then we barely talked for the rest of the week. Until Thursday I texted to check in with him and on Friday I did the same. He seemed his usual self and he invited me over again. This time around there was lots of flirting, play fighting, touching and we made out. I texted him to tell him I had got home safely and the next day he sent me a picture of the dessert he had made.

Other than that we haven't spoken in three days. Its making me a little paranoid, it's like each time we become more intimate he backs away. Or maybe it's just me?

Updates:
Background info: we met on tinder. On the first date we went bowling, to an arcade and for drinks. Second date was the movies and the last two times I went to his house. One of the occasions he cooked dinner for me and made dessert. He has initiated most of the contact over the last months, I've reached out once or twice. I'm yet to invite him out on a date.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me like this guy is a little bit awkward/inexperienced at the dating game. You never take a girl out for movies during the early dating process, horrible, horrible idea.

    I think he's just not very good at this sort of thing. He might not like you so much, it's possible, but only way to find out for sure is maybe make a move, invite him over to your house.

    If he's all goofy and awkward, you could help him a bit by snuggling up close to him (don't have to like give him a lap-dance, just whatever you're comfortable with, like just leaning on him a little bit).

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    • so in the early stage of dating proces if taking a girl to th emovies is awful then where is the best place to take the girl to the bed to his house? I mean a second date doe snot mean already a relationshiop to take the girl to some place more intimate, they are just getting to know each other. The place should be a casual setting so where do you suggest?

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    • Oh nice, I think! (if you liked that). He might just be a shy guy working up his nerve and courage to do something, but sounds like things are already on their way.

    • Maybe about the distance outside of dating, perhaps find more settings where you two can talk, not do something like watch television (or turn it off, maybe have a glass of wine to loosen up and chat). Sometimes a guy can work his way up to the physical kind of touchy-feely level and still not get to the most intimate level conversation-wise, and that might still make him kind of uncomfortable around you outside the dating setting when you aren't around.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're over analyzing. You've only hung out a few times so he's keeping his distance for now. Just keep hanging out with him when it works for both of you and let things develop as they will (or will not). You're not emotionally invested at this point so try not to make such a big deal out of it.

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    • Thanks for that. I tend to over think things a lot and it drives me up the wall. I have to remind myself that is early days yet.

    • Haha don't worry - the reason I have this insight is because I was really bad for that too when I was dating lol

What Guys Said 11

  • Don't wait for him to organise aonethings guys get REALLY suck of having to do everything trust me. Ask him out he'll love you for it!

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    • Haha. I will find something for us to do. Any suggestions?

    • Anything really, the main thing is you showing him you are interested and willing to organise things to do. I've always enjoyed lunch dates. You could then go back to your place after for snuggles and a movie on the couch haha

  • Why don't you suggest a date somewhere?

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    • That's very true. I just found out he's going away for a while, so maybe when he gets back.

  • Maybe he has been told to not act too interested because that spooks some girls.

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  • do you guys call eachother? if he's like me he hates texting and is texting as little as possible to not seem needy or desperate. i prefer to make a phone call between date and a few texts not much though. this sounds like a really similar situation to what i am in. So my opinion is he likes you a lot or he would stop asking u to do stuff.

    my question for you is, are you annoyed he doesn't stay in contact more? because im wondering if the girl im dating is wondering the same things as u

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    • We don't call each other. We've spoken on the phone a handful of times and phone calls don't work for us. He comes across a certain way I don't like and I often get frustrated with him over the phone. In person we get on well and texting works better for us. We usually text back and forth quite easily throughout the day (not so much over the last few days.

      I'm used to being in contact with guys I'm dating quite regularly and he did start over making contact often in the beginning. The fact we've been intimate recently and he isn't in contact as much is making me paranoid he might be using me.

  • That's cool.. now rake away yalls little touching sessions lol and smooches as punishment

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    • Loool is that what you do?

    • That's what my girlfriend does when she's mad at me and half the time it works lol

  • Has he conveyed his intent? What is that he's looking for? A girlfriend? Something casual?

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    • We've had that conversation on the first date and all he said was that he wanted to see where things go. I asked right before he had to run for his bus. I'm not sure when I should bring it up again.

    • If not now, then when? He seems interested, nonetheless, based on his actions. With regards to the decrease in his efforts to texts to you, I assume he doesn't want to appear overeager or desperate to date you.

    • It's very true. I'm not sure what I want at this point to be honest. I enjoy his company, I've never not wanted a relationship so how I'm feeling right now is a bit strange to me. Hmm I'm hope this is the case, I wish he would just put those thoughts behind him and get in contact with me. For the time being I'm not going to reach out.

  • It's not you

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  • Try setting terms for your engagements.✌

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    • Elaborate please

    • Right now he is in fling mode. If you don't bring up what you want people will assume. im just telling you as a very handsome young man. if you never bring it up it just gonna be a thing. Not saying something isn't possible talk to him. peace

  • I think it might be just you... Give us an update?

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  • Maybe he just has other things going on, or is someone who isn't very clingy

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  • thats why i dont get involved with that women stuff. too much needless drama

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    • Are you going to live your life alone?

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    • @Daynada yeah whatever dude.

    • @Asker and define alone. you can have ten wives and be alone. i dont believe i'll live alone nor that loneliness is some times something you can escape. we come alone in this world and we die alone. and as Socrates said either married or bachelor in this life you'll suffer the same amount of misery.

What Girls Said 10

  • It seems to me that this "On again, Off again" dating with no real Mating, is Going to Go in a Full Circle Problem Pattern Direction And... It's like each time we become more intimate he backs away.
    He probably is getting Cold Duck feet because although he Appears here, dear, to really be Into you, he is Scared of Going into a Real Relationship and this is Why this Guy... Is sporadic like this.
    Go slowwith his flow. He is Making all the Attempts on his own end, and with Nursing and Nurturing something specuial tha tyou both may have found because of Tinder... Treat i tTenderly for now anyways.
    Of course, it doesn't hurt to Extend an Invite on your own to yopur own.. Home.
    It just Might Cook up things a bit Faster.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you. My house is off limits though as I live at home with family and they aren't into having people over. Otherwise It would have been a great idea.

    • Oh, would I Have known, I would have Suggested Other things to make it up to him.. So welcome. xx

  • He could be thinking the same about you. Judging by his responses, it sounds like he wants to talk to you, but for whatever reason is too timid or something to initiate the text. He might feel like he's sounding clingy or annoying. I recommend asking him next time you see him.

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  • You need to explain it to him.

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  • Don't over think it. You barely know him so don't worry just keep dating other guys in the meantime.
    And if he invites you to him place next time say that you want to go out somewhere and it doesn't have to be expensive.

    Test to see if he initiates text or calls for a week. If he goes longer than 2 weeks I'd delete his #

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    • I've never mastered the art of dating more than one person. I find dating tiring as it is and I am yet to meet two men I want to date at the same time. I have always wanted to do this but its never happened for me. He's been texting me over the last couple of days and he's out of town. When he comes back I'll ask him on a date.

    • Lol it can get tiring but it's better than being attached to 1 guy when it's too early. You can do other things like hang out with friends so you won't be over analyzing when there's nothing else to do.

      I haven't date multiple guys at once just texted but it helped me realize that some guys weren't treating me right and I tolerated less BS

  • Stop going over his house and invite him to do something fun and different. This way you'll know if he's interested in you or just wants to get laid. Good luck!

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    • I will do thanks. Any suggestions?

  • He's probably waiting for u to let him in:)

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    • What do you mean?

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    • You notice how everytime you go over you get more and more physical

    • Yeah I've noticed. This is why I wanna see if he asks me to go elsewhere next time, somewhere in public.

  • Im in a similar situation, but we have been just hooking up now and its been a year. My best advice would be to talk about what you want from this relationship.. I never did that and I'm in the most confusing mess now

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  • Some guys don't know how act in a relationship.

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  • In my opinion, the guy seems interested and doing things the right way. You need to calm down and give the guy some space. I don't personally think he withdraws, but that you appear to need constant attention and I am not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but just that it could spoil a good thing and actually make him back off before he gets to know you properly and fall for you deeply. You need to let him know you are interested, at the same time give him his space. You've been on 4 dates now all initiated by him, so there is nothing wrong with you asking him if he'll love to have dinner at yours and treat him to your culinary expertise is there now? You'd better be a good cook or just order something in. Good luck with it.

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    • There's nothing wrong with that however that can't happen for the time being. I live at home and I can't have people over right now. I have given him space, although I feel he has been distant and it's apparent he clearly isn't and I'm over thinking it. I haven't made it known. I'm not an attention seeker, I guess it's nice to know what the person you're dating is thinking of you and wants to talk to you.

  • He's probably just not trying to be eager. If you get a genuine vibe from him, then that's what should matter. You should both initiate equally. Trust me I've been through shit where we both tried to be coy. Ended up being such a waste.

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    • I've been through this too many times. I feel like I'm slowly learning from my mistakes. I don't feel like he isn't genuine but at the back of my mind I think he might be really good at pretending.

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