Why am I still single?

I have been single all my life, but ironically, I am often told that I am pretty. It's frustrating, the people I want to date never show me any interest and the people I am less than interested in (very weird people or old creepy men). My body language? It's often closed, crossed arms or legs. Whenever I go to college, I always look down or avoid any eye contact with guys (basically pretend they're invisible, because they never say hello to me) . Whenever I sit in class, I prepare my notes, don't smile or talk to anyone or even look up for a matter. I just get up and go. I wear natural makeup to class and I dress neatly with cute, modest clothing.

The reason why I act like this is because every time in my whole life I have tried befriending or tried asking my crushes out, I always get rejected. What is the use in trying?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have painted your solution in the problem. If your body language is closed off then you can appear to be unapproachable. The "very weird or creepy old men" show interest because in their mind you will likely not attract attractive people. Which means less competition and a possible open door for them. Those people have less confidence and seek the path of least resistance. I've known a few people like that in the past and I feel for them and for people like you. Why? Because the answer is so simple, yet often difficult at the same time. The point is, attractive people attract other attractive people. Everyone seeks someone they feel is on their attraction level or better. You say you are pretty. Okay that's a start. What you need is to increase your presence, and not for the sake of attracting a date. Increase your social circle. If you are more introspective, this is still possible. It just means you enjoy smaller, more intimate and low key social circles. Smile more, initiate conversations and open up your body language a bit. But here's the key: Keep firmly in your mind that you are not looking for a date, but looking to enjoy the company and social support of like minded people in the form of establishing friendships. The less focus you put on finding a guy, the more guys will be attracted to you (I promise this!) This is the time in your life where you will be establishing connections with people that will have a long term role in your life. They will be your support and outlet and I can't tell you how many guys are drawn to women like that. It will be difficult at first, but one thing I have found is that the mind leads the body and the body leads the mind (i. e. fake it until you make it). Hope this was helpful to you and I will cheer you on! =)

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    • You are right. You will get a relationship when you least likely seek it. If I am more sociable around both girls and guys, I will meet more people and do not have high expectations. If I just befriend some random attractive guy, the motive is obvious and they may think that I am desperate. But the reason why I attract old creepy men is maybe because I look insecure, submissive, weak and quiet but I am not! Some guys stare but never do anything. Some attractive guys do not even look at me. Strange how everyone finds me attractive yet I can't conjure some guy to talk to me that is not weird, creepy or old.

    • Correction. Have very high expectations. Why? Because no one deserves less than a socially fulfilling lifestyle. All you have to do is expect good things and put forth the effort and it will happen.
      Also; it does not matter how you view yourself if you are projecting an image that is contradictory. You are to others what you present to them. Work on that and change their perception. Attraction is nearly 100% perception in my opinion.

    • It seems a bit contradicting

What Guys Said 10

  • First of all, you're 19. The search is just getting started. Second, you've pretty much written the reason why men don't chase you. They DO notice a young, cute girl even if she's a ninja. But asking a girl out is stressful enough without her looking like she'll walk all over us the moment we approach her. Try to be more friendly and open. Don't ask your targer out but try to be slightly flirty. We WILL get the hint and if we like you we will ask you out. As long as the woman in front of us is not cold or distant we would love to ask her out. That's it. Oh, and patience. Once they start asking you out you'll have even harder time getting rid of the wrong ones.

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    • But what gets me is apparently creeps or old men over 40 think they have a shot with me? It really is depressing. Some attractive guys do stare while some do not. Some who don't stare, I don't bother to smile or do anything. I might set myself up for rejection!!!

    • You should always smile. Even if there's no one in the room. ;)
      Nothing gives confidence to man to approach a woman more than a smile from said woman. Be warm and welcoming. If you like a guy instead of asking him out try to talk to him about something, ask him for some small help. He need to be a corpse not to get it.
      As for the creepy guys - try to avoid having contact with their age group.

    • I have a guy that is sort of my friend. We talk on Facebook and he is very cheerful and happy. But when I smile politely at him in real life when I see him, he just looks away. I hate the feeling when people don't return your smile and think that you're some crazy girl. I think I have built a thick wall around me due to all the rejection I have got all my life. It hurts. Nothing is ever mutual to me. I'm a student pilot and my flying school is dominated by guys. Yet, none of them speak to me, I wonder why. Don't pilots have a lot of confidence themselves? Why do I have to do the approach (no pun intended!) and not them? I think no one ever stares at or likes me or do you think it is because I hardly pay attention? How do you know if a guy is secretly staring at you, so that I can give back more signs? If a guy doesn't start at me or do anything to talk to me, I assume that he's disinterested.

  • i'll highlight some reasons why you're unapproachable

    - i don't smile or talk to anyone or even look up for a matter
    -I always look down or avoid any eye contact with guys
    -I just get up and go (when class is over)
    -It's often closed, crossed arms or legs.

    everything about you says STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

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  • Well, are you happy being single? if not then you need to change your body language and your actions, that must be putting guys off

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  • "I have been single all my life" lol. Your 19. When you are 38 and still single. Then we can talk. Anyone who is this young and is that concerned about being in a relationship, is probably coming off as desperate, needed or clingy. Let nature take its course. It will happen when you least expect it

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    • I'm not clingy or desperate. The reason why is want a relationship is to stop feeling crap when only very weird guys or old creepy men over 40 hits on me, which happens a lot. I can't attract The People I find attractive and it makes me self conscious. If I am only 19 now and get the weirdest of attention from old men, do you think it will get better or they will got away at any stage in the future?

    • Creeps hitting on you has nothing to do with your age or your relationship status. You can be standing next to your husband was the biggest diamond ring with one child in a stroller and the other child holding ypur hand creeps will still hit on you. Creeps are creeps that's why they're creepy. Unfortunately that's what most women have to deal with in life. You will be fine

  • Show us a picture and I can tell you if it's because of that.

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    • I'm not photogenic and secondly I'm Asian. A lot of people on here don't find Asians attractive (Japanese) and being Asian immediately disqualifies me as unattractive. But I can say I am attractive for an Asian. I am 5'7, have long, smooth brown hair, almond shaped light brown eyes, lips like Angelina Jolie, pale skin, long eyelashes and a short, pointy nose.

    • I could also tell you if you're attractive for an Asian.

  • You have your answer already. Maybe you should look more lovely and approachable. Not saying its your fault , but atless 90percent of how you feel everyone sees it the crossed arms an all. Be ☺. ✌

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  • Ok well continue too be invisible and live in the fear of your past rejections cuz that's the answer lol smh

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  • If we all wear that attitude we will never find love.. If a guy looks at you / looks away just give him your number on a note... If he does nothing with it... I don't know... Don't say anything... Just give him your number...

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  • The problem if definitely your body language, that is vital.

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    • But why do old men over 40 and creeps think they have a chance with me?

    • The real question is, why aren't any other men talking to you?

    • I have no idea why. Creeps and old men over 40 have a shameful amount of confidence. I guess pilots don't want female pilots to challenge their ego and having hurt ego from rejection maybe?

  • hi can you help me with my question i asked and i can help you. please message me thanks!

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's probably a combination of you being unapproachable, your body language being closed off and men's fear to take the initiative in order to approach you. It doesn't matter if you're pretty or not, people rarely approach people who look unhappy or closed off.

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