Should I tell her I am a 35 year old virgin?

I have recently started to become intimate with a friend I have known for a year. I am quite worried about sex though, because I am a virgin and might not be able to please her or that things won't work smoothly enough the first time. I also worry she will leave me if she finds out I am inexperienced and thinks the same, and anyway there is no easy way to bring up the subject out of the blue. I was painfully shy and had zero confidence when younger, and the first girl I kissed was at age 28 (and only after she initiated it)!

I've also had a girlfriend before a few years ago, and we did everything except full sex a few times so I have a small amount of experience. I fell very intimidated by how much experience my friend might have (she has had a 10 year relationship with someone) and don't think I have any chance of being as good as her ex boyfriend in bed.

Should I just say nothing and try to bluff it or confess and hope she doesn't dump me?


0|0
2|12

Most Helpful Girl

  • From a guy's perspective it can make him look weak. From a girl's perspective it can make her wonder. If the reasons aren't bad, she might understand.

    Besides, if she thinks you've had sex before, and your performance sucks, wouldn't she be more understanding she knew the truth? Women value honesty, open communication and courage, and by telling her you're a virgin you display all those qualities.

    Why is it a tough subject? Ha, I bring this subject up pretty early even with guys I'm not dating. I'm quite open. I start by asking casually. 'You a virgin?" Let them answer. "I am." I don't feel like I have to explain, but if you do, don't act like you're ashamed. Tell her you wanted to wait until you found someone special enough to share that with. She might find it quite romantic. Given my options, the fact that I'm a virgin is not only surprising, but attractive to most guys I meet.

    If she leaves you because of this issue--fyi, she's not that special someone.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tom, she will notice it even if you don't tell. You should say that to her, so she can manage her expectations, and because... you don't really have a choice.

    If you talk about that now, she might like that attitute, shows you are man enough to admit things. Some girls really appreciate virgin men.

    The sooner the better. The question is, how to say it.
    But, the important is that you show to her you are active about preasuring her and being a good lover.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • It may be easier for you to say that you don't have much experience. Getting into the gritty details isn't always necessary. Sex between experienced partners when they start together can even be awkward at first - just be sure to learn about the female anatomy and sexual response...

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • No, don't EVER reveal that you're a virgin. Some women are fine with it, but some way leave you. Just say that you haven't had sex in a while, so you're kinda rusty.

    0|0
    0|0
    • *some will leave you

    • Do you not listen to this guy's advice. You can't live an honest life telling lies.

    • @Gooseman

      Screw honesty! Virginity is not a big deal. It's unfair that male virgins above a certain age are considered 'losers'. So lying about this is not murder.

  • No, you should definitely communicate that to her. In doing so, you may avoid experiencing performance anxiety and timidity, given your lack of experience.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would imagine that if you would present it similarly to how you did here she shouldn't have a problem with that and if she does she's not worthy. You don't need to worry about being as good as her ex-boyfriend because he is her ex-boyfriend for a reason. Just go with it and share yourself with her. It's much better to be open and honest then to bluff anything in life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If she is your friend wouldn't she know you haven't been with anyone? Your going friends with benefits route I guess or want to date? I wouldn't say anything, but if she asks say it's been a while since you've done it, nobody has to know your past unless your married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well if you truly like her, you will want her to know the honest truth.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is she doesn't ask you then don't tell... And get at sex by practice... Simple... don't ask don't tell...

    Even if she asks you tell her that you have had very little experience...

    Actually if you liked you for real it shouldn't matter to her

    0|0
    0|0
  • and where do you hope to get from that point with her if you lie?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Only if she's a church woman lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • Be real man... Be true to yourself if she can't accept that... Boo her

    0|0
    0|0
  • at your age, i would lie about it

    0|0
    0|0
    • There are lots of guys in Japan that are like you

  • no she will think ur insecure

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...