Should I talk to my boyfriend about being cheap?

So I am in a good relationship with a great guy whom I love. But the problem is he is cheap. He doesn't like to spend money. I fully understand that he has his own place and bills to pay but for one he makes a lot more than me and second, it's not like I ask to go out all the time. I am a full time student who works on the weekends so I am totally fine with just hanging out not doing anything (mostly because I am tired) but it was my birthday recently and he OFFERED to take me out to dinner and then when we get there he asked if I could pay for my own meal? This has happened a couple of times where it is his idea to go out but wants me to buy my own food. I am working a minimum wage job so i can't afford to eat out all the time. Right now my car is broken and I am saving to get it fixed so that means he has to do all the driving but I make him dinner to make up for that fact. The funny thing is he is a very sweet guy and tells me i am worth it... but i can't figure out what i am worth to him. Am I being unreasonable and over thinking this or what? Should I talk to him? ( sorry if this is unorganized and hard to follow. I am in rant mode)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ugh, the birthday one made me grimace a bit. That's extremely cheap. I think it's cheap even for a friend if he/she suggests taking you out on a birthday and then you covered your side of the expenses. What kind of birthday present is that?

    Normally I really like this idea of equality in splitting the bill. I don't do it, since I'm not the type to go against the grain of society (especially not jeopardizing a date for a cause: pretty girl > social cause), but I kind of admire guys who do it.

    But not offering to pay when it's your idea is just really cheap.

    One thing I'd recommend is try to figure out what he's being cheap about. He might be saving up for a wedding or something of that sort (though in that case, it'd be okay just not going out).

    Maybe the next time he suggests going out, you might kind of innocently (not at all confrontational) refuse gently and tell him the reason why, telling him you can't afford it and maybe very, very delicately bringing up this subject that you're happy to split the bill perhaps, but not when it's his idea to go out.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow!! I am so sorry you had to pay for your own birthday meal. Before you got to that I was thinking, maybe he's saving for the future, maybe he has big debts and is trying to be disciplined but you are right, that's just plain cheap and RUDE! I think you need to tell him it hurt your feelings. Communication is key but I'm really not sure what he could possibly say to justify such an act. Other than birthdays, I think it's healthy to switch who pays for a meal here and there. It doesn't need to be the same value or cost each time but a good gesture in a relationship. Even if it means you buy groceries to make him a nice meal to offset the cost of other meals but again, I'm just plain shocked he world ask you out and then ask you to pay. Now I'm getting into rant mode. Lol.

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What Guys Said 10

  • i think this does warrant a conversation. not a confrontation but certainly you should mention it to him. the birthday scenario is a big no no. it's fine to want to split bills and stuff here and there but you can't offer to take someone out and then ask them to pay especially on their birthday.

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  • Wow that sucks, I'm not going to get into the argument about who should pay for who... but the fact that he offered to take you out on your birthday, you'd think he'd take care of it. That's basically the equivalent of someone making me pay for my own gift.

    If he knew he didn't have the money he should have thought of something else to do for the two of you that fits his budget.

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  • does he ask you out? and then when you two are finished eating he then asks you to pay for your own meal?

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    • He asked me a couple of days before my birthday and he said that he wanted to treat me for my birthday. And then the day of when we pulled into the restaurant he asked me to pay for my own meal.

    • hmm.. thats awkward. lol. I would've asked you if you can pay for your own meal right when I made the gesture to take you out. when someone says "i want to treat you" it generally means they are willing to spend resources/time on you. what he did, in my opinion, was not cool. i wouldn't have a problem if you brought it up at least once.

  • I've heard that one before. The problem is that you are dating a boy and not a man. A man would NEVER even think of asking his date to pay.

    If you like spending your own money for dates, that is the way it is going to be with him. If you want to be taken care of, then stop dating boys and find a man who is already into his career.

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  • Deal with it or make more money.. a relationship is a team, 50/50 so if u really want him too lose the focus it took him too get on his own and be self sufficient by playing into your insatiable desires than how's about u quit college and your pointless ass weekend job and get a real one and be underpaid for your labor intensive work knowing one day u will grow old and realize u worked like a fucking slave only too barely end up with anything except a unappreciative ass gf/wife that jus wants too be "entertained" sometimes but o yea by the way boyfriend pay all your expensive ass bills by yo self too and know when you wake up in the morning and have to motivate yourself for shitty ass job with the thought of me dying from boredom lol wtf seriously be glad he at least has his own place to pay bills on and y'all don't have to fuck at one of your parent's house.

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    • Ok so first... we were dating before he moved out on his own and he was still cheap. As I said previously that I am perfectly fine with just staying at home watching a movie and making him dinner. I never said that I wanted him to pay my bills. That's why I have a job so I can have my own money. The situation that I am hurt by is the fact that he told he would treat me for my birthday even though i was not expecting to go out. I was perfectly fine hanging out at my house, and then asked me to pay as soon as we got to the restaurant. What the hell are you talking about 'insatiable desires' he took me out to dinner he didn't kidnap and torture anybody. When it was his birthday I bought him dinner and when he got a promotion I bought him dinner as a celebration. So I don't think you know what you are talking about

  • I think u should talk to him
    See what happens

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  • Whoa.. there's being wise and cheap which is good in the long run and then there's being overly cheap.. he's overly cheap.. it's a really touchy subject.. just let him know how you feel.

    The birthday thing is horrible.

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  • You are being irrational because we don't live in times where men take care of women anymore.

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    • then there should be no relationships either..

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    • So now I am genuinely curious. What are your expectations in a relationship? What are the characteristics of your ideal girl?

    • That we split everything equally. Women fought for equality and as a result I expect her to take on the same roles that I would. @asker

  • LOL THAT'S FUNNY THAN WHY OFFER IF YOU CAN'T DO IT, HE SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT SIMPLE

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  • well thats fucked up. at least in 4-5 occasions in the year he should buy you a meal or some shit.

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What Girls Said 4

  • nothing good will come out of talking.. it will probably turn into a fight.. cheap people stay cheap.. no matter what..

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    • Cheap has nothing to do with it. We don't live in the 1950's.

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    • @alfonsosloan45
      I never expected him to take me out for my birthday. As I said before I am college student and I am tired most days so I am perfectly fine with chilling at home and watching a movie.

    • @asker it was your birthday.. if a guy can't even try to make that day good for you.. than you deserve better.. you can stay at home and chill on your own..

  • You need to tell him that it bothers you. If he gets mad at that then he's an asshole and you need to drop him. There are plenty of guys out there who will gladly pay for you for most things

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  • I would have gotten rid of him , The first time he asked if you could pay for me.

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    • I meant for dinner

  • My boyfriend has done the same thing to me for quite a while now too. I really don't think it was very cool of him to make you pay for your birthday meal.
    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My boyfriend has this wild idea that I'm rich and can afford to pay for the both of us, drive us wherever he feels like going, etc. It has started slowing down a lot though because I find that ridiculous.

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