So I am in a good relationship with a great guy whom I love. But the problem is he is cheap. He doesn't like to spend money. I fully understand that he has his own place and bills to pay but for one he makes a lot more than me and second, it's not like I ask to go out all the time. I am a full time student who works on the weekends so I am totally fine with just hanging out not doing anything (mostly because I am tired) but it was my birthday recently and he OFFERED to take me out to dinner and then when we get there he asked if I could pay for my own meal? This has happened a couple of times where it is his idea to go out but wants me to buy my own food. I am working a minimum wage job so i can't afford to eat out all the time. Right now my car is broken and I am saving to get it fixed so that means he has to do all the driving but I make him dinner to make up for that fact. The funny thing is he is a very sweet guy and tells me i am worth it... but i can't figure out what i am worth to him. Am I being unreasonable and over thinking this or what? Should I talk to him? ( sorry if this is unorganized and hard to follow. I am in rant mode)
Ugh, the birthday one made me grimace a bit. That's extremely cheap. I think it's cheap even for a friend if he/she suggests taking you out on a birthday and then you covered your side of the expenses. What kind of birthday present is that?
Normally I really like this idea of equality in splitting the bill. I don't do it, since I'm not the type to go against the grain of society (especially not jeopardizing a date for a cause: pretty girl > social cause), but I kind of admire guys who do it.
But not offering to pay when it's your idea is just really cheap.
One thing I'd recommend is try to figure out what he's being cheap about. He might be saving up for a wedding or something of that sort (though in that case, it'd be okay just not going out).
Maybe the next time he suggests going out, you might kind of innocently (not at all confrontational) refuse gently and tell him the reason why, telling him you can't afford it and maybe very, very delicately bringing up this subject that you're happy to split the bill perhaps, but not when it's his idea to go out.
Wow!! I am so sorry you had to pay for your own birthday meal. Before you got to that I was thinking, maybe he's saving for the future, maybe he has big debts and is trying to be disciplined but you are right, that's just plain cheap and RUDE! I think you need to tell him it hurt your feelings. Communication is key but I'm really not sure what he could possibly say to justify such an act. Other than birthdays, I think it's healthy to switch who pays for a meal here and there. It doesn't need to be the same value or cost each time but a good gesture in a relationship. Even if it means you buy groceries to make him a nice meal to offset the cost of other meals but again, I'm just plain shocked he world ask you out and then ask you to pay. Now I'm getting into rant mode. Lol.
i think this does warrant a conversation. not a confrontation but certainly you should mention it to him. the birthday scenario is a big no no. it's fine to want to split bills and stuff here and there but you can't offer to take someone out and then ask them to pay especially on their birthday.
Wow that sucks, I'm not going to get into the argument about who should pay for who... but the fact that he offered to take you out on your birthday, you'd think he'd take care of it. That's basically the equivalent of someone making me pay for my own gift.
If he knew he didn't have the money he should have thought of something else to do for the two of you that fits his budget.
Deal with it or make more money.. a relationship is a team, 50/50 so if u really want him too lose the focus it took him too get on his own and be self sufficient by playing into your insatiable desires than how's about u quit college and your pointless ass weekend job and get a real one and be underpaid for your labor intensive work knowing one day u will grow old and realize u worked like a fucking slave only too barely end up with anything except a unappreciative ass gf/wife that jus wants too be "entertained" sometimes but o yea by the way boyfriend pay all your expensive ass bills by yo self too and know when you wake up in the morning and have to motivate yourself for shitty ass job with the thought of me dying from boredom lol wtf seriously be glad he at least has his own place to pay bills on and y'all don't have to fuck at one of your parent's house.
My boyfriend has done the same thing to me for quite a while now too. I really don't think it was very cool of him to make you pay for your birthday meal. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My boyfriend has this wild idea that I'm rich and can afford to pay for the both of us, drive us wherever he feels like going, etc. It has started slowing down a lot though because I find that ridiculous.
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