So I am in a good relationship with a great guy whom I love. But the problem is he is cheap. He doesn't like to spend money. I fully understand that he has his own place and bills to pay but for one he makes a lot more than me and second, it's not like I ask to go out all the time. I am a full time student who works on the weekends so I am totally fine with just hanging out not doing anything (mostly because I am tired) but it was my birthday recently and he OFFERED to take me out to dinner and then when we get there he asked if I could pay for my own meal? This has happened a couple of times where it is his idea to go out but wants me to buy my own food. I am working a minimum wage job so i can't afford to eat out all the time. Right now my car is broken and I am saving to get it fixed so that means he has to do all the driving but I make him dinner to make up for that fact. The funny thing is he is a very sweet guy and tells me i am worth it... but i can't figure out what i am worth to him. Am I being unreasonable and over thinking this or what? Should I talk to him? ( sorry if this is unorganized and hard to follow. I am in rant mode)
Most Helpful Guy
Ugh, the birthday one made me grimace a bit. That's extremely cheap. I think it's cheap even for a friend if he/she suggests taking you out on a birthday and then you covered your side of the expenses. What kind of birthday present is that?
Normally I really like this idea of equality in splitting the bill. I don't do it, since I'm not the type to go against the grain of society (especially not jeopardizing a date for a cause: pretty girl > social cause), but I kind of admire guys who do it.
But not offering to pay when it's your idea is just really cheap.
One thing I'd recommend is try to figure out what he's being cheap about. He might be saving up for a wedding or something of that sort (though in that case, it'd be okay just not going out).
Maybe the next time he suggests going out, you might kind of innocently (not at all confrontational) refuse gently and tell him the reason why, telling him you can't afford it and maybe very, very delicately bringing up this subject that you're happy to split the bill perhaps, but not when it's his idea to go out.0
Most Helpful Girl
Wow!! I am so sorry you had to pay for your own birthday meal. Before you got to that I was thinking, maybe he's saving for the future, maybe he has big debts and is trying to be disciplined but you are right, that's just plain cheap and RUDE! I think you need to tell him it hurt your feelings. Communication is key but I'm really not sure what he could possibly say to justify such an act. Other than birthdays, I think it's healthy to switch who pays for a meal here and there. It doesn't need to be the same value or cost each time but a good gesture in a relationship. Even if it means you buy groceries to make him a nice meal to offset the cost of other meals but again, I'm just plain shocked he world ask you out and then ask you to pay. Now I'm getting into rant mode. Lol.1
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