How do you "know" a BF/GF is truly being who they REALLY are BEFORE you get seriously involved?

People often times put up a facade OR, in other words, they use their best foot forward and mask their "true" self to become involved. What are YOUR tools for getting to TRULY know someone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • They can't hide who they are forever

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was friends with my boyfriend for four years before we dated. And those years were spent from age 12-16 for him. So if you want to see someone at their worst, demand maturity from an angsty hotheaded pubescent boy lol

    I knew who he was at his worst long before we started dating. But I also knew who he was at his best and who he was at his middle ground. The four years prior to us dating were spent asking each other literally ever question under the moon. From, "What's you're third favorite tree?" to "If we were married and had children, what role would you want your spouse to play in the marriage/child rearing?"

    So... yeah.

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What Guys Said 8

  • You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes

    so try and look at how he is with others or what he is like when he is not around you.

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  • Time will generally do all the work here for you. Also being around them in person can speed things up. It's easier for people to think about what they're saying and delete and edit messages through text to fit a personality they think you would like.

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  • No offense, but your an idiot if you think your gonna see all there is to see in a person BEFORE you get involved... Shit people are still trying to find themselves and they are on their death beds... How do you expect know who they really are when they don't even know? And some people have a lot of embarrassing and painful baggage/memories? That's not somethng they are going to bring up on a first date... If you want a perfect guy you better start looking in the sophisticated societies of the world... NO ONE is perfect

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  • there's only one sure way... Thats 'time' you can only pretend for so long

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  • Living with them is the best way knowing how they really are.

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  • I wouldn't consider getting engaged unless I've at least been through a major fight and found that we can resolve things without any pent up hatred. Also, moving in together would be a precursor to doing so. JMO

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  • To me and it always work if you really wanna know a person make him angry and see how he reacts

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  • You just have to get in the relationship and see.

    Beyond just a fake facade, as friends you only see some parts of them. You can't know what they're going to be like as a relationship partner to you without being in one with them.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't let myself get emotionally invested or even start the relationship till I've got a good measure of who they are as a person. I've known my boyfriend from high school so... for more than five years. I was hanging out with him on a daily basis almost daily for months before we started dating too. Basically got his stances on most of the things that would be important to me in a potential boyfriend while we were still just friends so...
    I didn't really get into it with any remaining doubts in my mind. :)

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  • Time. That's really the best way to know. The longer you spend with someone the more relaxed and comfortable they get, and their true self shines through.

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  • Three ways:
    1. Time
    2. How are they with their Mother
    3. Ask the ex!

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  • Make them use a really slow and shitty computer and then you'll see their true colours.

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