Why do women place so much emphasis on a guy asking her out?

I dont understand why this particular 1 time trait is so important. So many women say "Well if he won't ask me out I'm not interested", like are they really that naive? I thought about how I am an attractive guy, nice, funny, smart, with a good job, good degree, and loyal nature. You would think girls would love me right? Well the weird thing is that they only love me when I love them first. I can't tell you how many times I've met a girl who was completely indifferent about me one minute, and then I ask her to go out to coffee and she is beyond obsessed with me, and devastated if I break off the relationship. Did they seriously not realize how I would be a great match for her until after I asked her out? As I said, they didn't care about me at all UNTIL I asked them out, at which point they were crazy about me. Why did asking them out have to be the catalyst, why couldnt they be obsessed with me before I ask them out? And I dont know, maybe ask me out? Whats more is that other girls I know sell themselves WAAAAY short by dating the first not bad guy to ask them out. They could get a smart, handsome, awesome guy if they maybe showed a bit of interest or took initiative, but instead they go out with an average looking, not particularly personable, bland guy that she is way better then. Whats the deal? If there is a great, smart, handsome, funny guy in front of her why does that awesome guy ALSO have to ask her out in order for her to date him? If he never asks her out, chances are she will never date him, and at that point she's just losing a great guy. Why do women do this, its really frustrating to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Trust me when I tell you this. But Im really trying to get over being shy. If you are how you describe youself as and I see you are a bit interested in me and not making moves Im just shy because of previous rejection. I don't want to look stupid lol

    • Back when I was a total dork I got rejected so many times it became a joke with my friends, thats how badly I failed. And yet here I am 3 years later still asking women out. Past rejections aren't a good excuse for not asking guys out. I dont know what its like to be shy, because I'm the most outgoing person in the world, but I have some buddies that are shy and you know what? They never had a girlfriend until they got over their shyness and asked a girl out. Shy guys are not supported in this society, as a guy you are either not shy, or single, there is no both.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because they're "conditioned" to refrain from initiating anything with a guy, no matter how much they might like him.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • 1. We assume that a man who is really interested will take the initiative by asking us out first.
    2. We don't want to look desperate or in need of you if you don't like us back.
    3. We might think you are full of yourself, already in a relationship, or have an ideal girl that you go for if you don't make a move on us first.

    Summary: We view a lack of approach as disinterest.

    • 1. Never assume anything, maybe he's waiting for you.
      2. This is the biggest urban legend in the book, who thinks you are desperate? Every poll on the subject I've seen polls where 95% of guys say that a girl asking a guy out is not desperate at all, because thats not desperate. And why is it ok for guys to be desperate and ask girls out but girls can't do the same thing? That doesn't make sense.
      3. As I said dont assume anything if you haven't met the guy. Maybe he is a humble, quiet guy who has never had a girlfriend, you could be missing out on a great guy by ignoring him/writing him off for stupid reasons.

      Summary: Approaching doesn't equate to interest and if thats what you think interest is then you have to go do some serious studying, I can be interested in a girl and not approach. You probably know from experience that you could be interested in a guy and never approach. That is a terrible sign of interest.

What Guys Said 2

  • I don't share your frustration. Women love to be asked out. This is pretty much the way it's been for a very long time as well. Us guys do have to do a lot, but when it all works out the reward is well worth it.

    • But women get the same reward and they dont have to do anything they dont want to... Dont want to ask a guy out-no problem, just wait for a guy to approach you, dont want to date that guy-no problem reject him and wait for the next one-dont want to go out of their comfort zone-dont have to, dont want to get over their shyness-dont have to.

      Sounds like the easy life to me, wish I could do that.

  • because that way they have the power...

    Women are also extremely sexist. Feminism has led to the oppression of men