My mom and sisters say a guy should always pay for the date. Are they right?

chivalry is not dead in my moms book. She thinks paying for the date is a gesture of kindness and respect. My sister says it takes her a long time to look good for her man so she deserves it. I don't mind paying but in world is full of feminists I am afraid to offer.

Updates:
my mom and sisters are very happily married women. They say the reason is they married successful and chivalrous men.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, they are right. First impressions are very important. IF you want to impress her, pay for the date. Otherwise, you come across as cheap. If I were a guy, and aware of these societal expectations, I would pay for the date. Now, if you don't like her and want to send her away, don't pay and she'll never want to see your cheap ass again.

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    • Yes I also think my date deserves it.

What Girls Said 17

  • I don't personally agree with that. Sure, it's a really lovely gesture for a guy to treat a girl on a date. It feels great knowing that a guy likes you enough to spend his hard earned money paying for your meal or for some enjoyable leisure activity. But personally, I find it unfair and slightly tacky to constantly expect for a guy who is not your husband or boyfriend to continuously spend money on you. Dates can get expensive! Especially if you guys eat out where a tip is involved.

    I think it's a really nice, lovely gesture for a guy to insist on paying for the first, second, and maybe even third date and it will earn him brownie points because the girl will feel special and romanced. But if she's not offering to treat him, split the bill, or at least pay for the tip after that then that's pretty tacky on her part.

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  • You should just feel this out. It's such a personal issue -- it'd be silly to expect any sort of consensus, or common thread from relationship to relationship. You've got men all the way across the spectrum, and women all the way across the spectrum.

    Really, just learn each other's values system in this regard, then work with it.

    If you figure out a way to pay for stuff so that NEITHER person feels any resentment... then, you win this game.
    If resentment is felt by either -- or, worse, by both -- then, you aren't winning the game.

    Although common sense should also prevail. If either of you way way out-earns the other one, then the higher earner should shoulder more of the costs of dates and such. I mean, that's just common sense, right?

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    • By the way, yr sister's line about "getting ready" is such a load of self-serving bullshit that I feel a little sick, now.

      We don't really look good for boys.

      Even when we look good for boys... We look good for boys for ourselves. LOL

      I mean, my oldest son is 12, and even he has THAT much figured out already. All the girls in his school trying to out-skinny and out-low-rise and out-thigh-gap each other? Ain't doing it for the boys.

      He'd call yr sissy out on that line of shit. And he's twelve.

  • i think a guy should pay for the first date, maybe more if he asks her on the date. my boyfriend and i try to take turns or split usually. he paid the first couple times and i was like ok this is great but you're not paying all the time that's not fair to you lol BUT if he has a job and she is still in school or something then he should pay (goes the other way if the girl has a job and guy is in school).

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  • Haha, I doubt a girl would be offended if you offered to pay. Maybe a little uncomfortable but only if she's shy. I guess it also depends how much she likes you... I bet she'd feel awkward letting you pay when she doesn't plan on calling. If you don't mind paying, don't be afraid to offer! Like I said, no girl will be offended if you buy them a meal. They'd be flattered.

    And even if you end up with a girl who refuses to let you pay, she'd not going to freak out just because you offer. She'll probably just be like "no, I can pay half" or something. She would turn into super hulk and get all mad or anything.

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  • They are 100% wrong. If they can't pay for their own they should. When you first meet someone. You should pay for your own half. That way you don't feel like you owe the person anything. Before 100% agreeing on a date. Make it clear about wanting each other to pay for their own half. If she can't afford to go out and you truly want to go on a date with her. Then say at that second that you would want to pay for her. That she seems awesome and you want to get the chance to go on a date with her. Putting it like that I'm sure the chick would feel more flattered and admired. At least I would think most chicks would feel that way. If the guy will go that far just to go on a date with them. Since it probably would make them feel special.

    Your sister sounds stuck up if it takes her that long to look so amazing for that guy. If the guy was truly into her. She wouldn't have to put in such extreme efforts into looking so good for them.

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  • Eh not always. But its nice if he does.

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  • If it's a sign of respect and kindness, then she should be willing to pay as well.

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  • I think is is gentleman like to pay for the date. Chivalry is dead but there are still a few women who like when guys do kind things. Now after the 2nd date I would start offering up some of my own money it's just the kind thing to do. But there is a difference between being a gentleman and running into a gold digger

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  • I love it when a man opens the door for me or is being a gentlemen. There's nothing wrong with that and people who fin that wrong are just ignorant and inmature. I wouldn't mind if a guy paid for me but if he always did then that would make me feel bad. I don't mind splitting the bill or paying for him sometimes.

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  • its not necessary, totally cool to split or alternate but it honestly probs would help a man be more attractive to a girl. its just like how a girl is expected to doll up extra on dates even more than a guy. u gotta factor in what sorta things attract the opposite sex. that being said, it should just come down to the individuals in the couple. let them decide.

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  • I think at least on the first few dates a guy should pay. It makes it a sweet gesture that says he is a gentleman and actually interested in a girl. but that doesn't mean he should pay all the time. Girls shouldn't expect that all the time. When im on dates with my boyfriend he pays the bill and then i pay the tip

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  • If he is the one who asked for the date, yes.

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  • It's definitely romantic but the girl could pay sometimes too or split the cost.

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  • No I always pay my own way. Unless the guy insists.

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  • It's bullcrap, at least you should offer to pay half.

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  • If it's a casual date then no. Personally I used to HATE when my dates insisted on paying. It made me uncomfortable. I'm a big girl I can handle to pay for myself. It wasn't until the relationship went from "talking" and getting to know each other to becoming an actual romantic serious relationship that id let him pay for me. Honestly it depends on the girl though.

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  • If it's like her birthday or you want to treat her, it's a nice gesture. But early dates should be about getting to know someone. I say to split them.

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What Guys Said 12

  • If she makes me a sandwich and grabs me a beer whenever I ask her, sure I will pay for the date :)

    -_-

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  • It's sexist of them to say that. Men shouldn't always pay. No one deserves to be paid for - it's the 21st century, if women want equal opportunities then by all means they should have them, BUT they should have equal responsibilities as well.

    You can't have cake and eat it too.

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  • Of course the girls would advocate for the guy to pay. And your sister's rationale is retarded because the guy's not getting anything from her looking good so the two aren't directly comparable.

    Regardless, do what you want. My advice is to pay so you can avoid the whole "who pays" bullshit but don't go anywhere expensive.

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  • Look i will give it to you straight bro, girls are hypocrtices , dont listen to them on a date a man should always pay , you pay for the date regardless of what she offers or else its not a date its a friendly hang out out.

    Women are wired to be dominated by men and taken care of which means you are the one to provide , if she at some points starts helping you provide and you're not married or anything , chances are she will feel something bothering her and will eventually feel a need to break up with you and guess what , her next man will be the one willing to pay !!

    Dont get me wrong dont waste all your money on girls or buy them free meals , of course not but if its a date , you pay.

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  • Yes, they are right... if it was 1940! ffs

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  • 1. most women dont understand nor care about honor, respect, or gratitude.

    2. you hear what your sister just said? let me translate for you "its hard for me to find a guy to put up with my shit so every guy before i find the right guy has to pay for my dates i deserve it". yeah.. every other girl your age is thinking that way bar a few.

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  • Ughhhh.. The way I see it is if a woman takes me out on a date she should pay and if I take her out then I should pay. That or we can just split the check.

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  • that is sexism in the same way that me saying that girls belong in the kitchen is (which I don't believe). Most guys will but it is fair to share the price. Sexism can work against guys too remember.

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  • Of course they're right. Women want to be equal to men, but usually only when it's convenient for them

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  • My sisters believe the same as well. They don't demand it but if a guy was chivalrous he'd get extra points on a date. My sisters are all married as well and very happy. I see some guys saying it is sexist but when you're on a date and trying to impress someone you go all out.

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  • No. If you stop thinking of her as a woman and think of her as a human being thing it's pretty easy to see why you shouldn't pay for every date. "It takes her a long time to look good for her man so she deserves it" that's horrible sounding. Your sisters surely worth more than her looks but she wants men to pay for her because she looks good. It may be what they believe but it's not a very healthy mentality. It cast women's as things to be purchased rather than people to enjoy being around. By suggesting men should always pay it's turning a kind gesture between two humans into an exchange of currency for a service.

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  • If they think paying is a sign kindness and respect id like to know what's their opinion on people who expect free stuff for doing nothing.

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