Why does he always start pointless arguments?

My boyfriend likes to start arguments about the stupidest shit and I never know what he wants me to do in those situations? Like he said that human pee was sterile so I told him that it was a myth and most urine contains around 33 types of bacteria, and when he looked it up and found that I was right he said "Well I never claimed it was 100% sterile, read this article, you were not actually right I was blah blah blah" And he refused to shut up until I said I said he was right. BUT if I don't feel like playing along and just say "yes you are right" too soon in the conversation he also gets mad and rants on about how I don't actually think he's right and I am just trying to get him to drop it. Why does he need to be right about absolutley everything all the time? I find it obnoxious and childish and I wish I could have a normal adult conversation with him like I can with everyone else our age. One day I was trying to be upbeat while we were discussing jobs and I said "There are lots of people who love their jobs!" and he got annoyed and said "Yeah well that's not really a job if you love it..." and I made the mistake of saying "If you get paid to do it then it's a job, enjoying it doesn't make it a hobby if you still get paid." and he just went off and got all defensive about how if you enjoy something it is automatically not a job anymore? I don't understand why he looks for any opportunity to be right and why everything has to turn into an argument? Guys what do you want a girl to do when you start an argument like this? I just want it to be over as soon as possible so we can talk about something else. But when I say he's right he gets mad, if I ask to change the subject he won't and keeps ranting, and obviously if I pretend I didn't hear him or try to walk away he also gets mad. I hate those agruments and if he doesn't stop I will leave him for someone less childish and argumentative, because it's embarrassing and ridiculous! How do I get him to stop as soon as possible once he starts one of these arguments?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with the others here: he's not going to change. He has left you no outs to avoid stress and what is ultimately an insult to you every time he does this. He cares more about his own perception of his intellect than he does about you. I bet he would get absolutely furious if faced with a similar blowhard but still he would never see that same behavior in himself. When he gets to the point of insulting your intelligence I think I would tell him he did that and then leave the room or house.

    • So should I just tell him flat out that I'm not going to play that game and walk away? I mean he is the type who would try and fix and I know that he doesn't want me leaving him at any cost, but I'd feel guilty setting an ultimatum or otherwise threatening to leave. But then I don't want to be too nice either when he's being a dick.

    • I think an ultimatum would blindside him. When I say walk out, I meant temporarily. And I wouldn't make it a matter of him just being obnoxious. When you told him about the bacteria in urine and he still rejected it after confirming this, he's insulting your intelligence. I'm sure he doesn't think of it that way but he would if you did this to him, that is reject something true just because he said it. His behavior is really disrespectful and if you felt that way and he knew it, he would understand why you refuse to go along with this when he does that.

    • Yeah that would be a good way to explain it thank you.

What Guys Said 2

  • He needs to go otherwise you will be miserable in the long run. It seems you are miserable now too.

  • He is not happy with the relationship his life or has some issues


What Girls Said 1

  • He sounds like a narcissist who feels the need to constantly prove his intellect. Some people are sincerely intellectually arrogant and egotistical when it comes to expressing thought plus they always feel the need to show off what they think they know. This is going to smother any vibrant positivity and joy in the relationship. Each time he does that, he kills the vibe and messes up the harmony.

    Honestly love, his personality is going to become unbearable and exhausting (if it hasn't already). I'd recommend ending this relationship and finding a more laid back, easy going, chill guy who's more effective and sensible with expressing himself and sharing his intellect.

    • Thanks for the advice it just sucks that I decided to live with him and I put so much energy into this relationship, he's great aside from the narcissistic side of his personality I wish I could just make him see how obnoxious it is! He just doesn't understand, it doesn't help that he's a model and his professor's favourite pupil. It sounds horrible but when people praise him and go on and on about how great he is I wish they'd never said anything because it only encourages his bad attitude!

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    • Will your lease be over soon?

    • my lease is over in August I think and I may just get a job on top of university.