This engaged man doesn't let me go. Why's he doing it?

I've known this man from work for more than a year. We rarely see each other, and only chat when there is some job to do. He got engaged, as I learned. Later on, I somehow learned that he loved me but didn't tell me anything. Or maybe he tried to show it but I didn't see it. Anyway, he still doesn't know that I know about this. I'll never tell him. But now working with him doesn't seem right to me. I wanted to quit, finding someone else to replace me, but he's always creating jobs for me. Why is he doing this for someone he only sees once in a blue moon?


What Guys Said 2

  • I can't speak for his motivation but you don't know that he is in love with you now. Perhaps it is about admiration and trust now. Given that you found out indirectly, can you be certain that he was in love with you? If he's being unprofessional or doing things that make you uncomfortable, I could see cutting ties.

    • Well, one can never be certain, of course. I told him I could find lots of people who can do the job perfectly well. They all have the same qualities as me. They are trustworthy people. But it doesn't help. He's never being rude, but I can't understand this insistence.

    • That does sound more personal than professional. Although he seems unfair to quit on his account. How about a deflecting tactic like saying you hear he's engaged, how is the wedding planning getting along? Showing concern and interest in his fiancee might throw him off.

    • Thanks. I'll try to do that. After I learned that he got engaged, I ran into him and his fiancee. There were also others sitting with them. He could have introduced her to me, but didn't. Instead, he chose to mention the engagement while we were chatting later on about work on app. A strange man he is...

  • You meant this guy had developed feelings towards you over the years, right? Can't you request for a transfer or decline the project? Is he your direct supervisor?

    • Yes, there is no chance of not chatting with or talking to him. That's why I want to stop. When I decline a project, he says things like he's hurt.

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    • (continue) the glares you'll receive from your workplace from fellow colleagues (because this guy is well-liked) will be even more uncomfortable.

      Here's another technique you can use: When working on a project, just share an experience you have. "Hey John, I think there's a guy here that likes me, but I'm not entirely sure if he likes me since neither he or myself confronted each other to confirm this. Anyway, I am not interested in any office romance, when do you think is the best time to let this guy know that I'm not into that?"
      The pseudo-boyfriend/crush story. CONSTANTLY talk about your crush or this boyfriend of yours and all that girly shit. DO NOT say about how degrade or share a sob story. ALWAYS praise your pseudo crush/boyfriend. Trust me, I don't ever want to constantly hear about you and your crush or boyfriend and how happy you are with them. Please, get that shit out of here.

      Hope this helps... and tell me how it went down lol

    • Haha. Thanks for the possible solutions. The thing is, we only occasionally see each other. And we are not that close, at least I'm not, so I can't tell him about my (pseudo) crushes. Maybe I should just tell him what you suggested, "You'll get over it," when he writes things like he's offended. It's clear enough.

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