One of my friends made a move on me in September and after an initial fling which lasted 3 weeks she went cold on me. We slept together a few times and went out on a countryside walk together, It was perfect. But the cold treatment came about and caused me to panic. I admitted my like for her her after one of my friends told me that she liked me and got the dreaded red flag. I then learned to believe that her ex boyfriend came back into town for university and she hadn't let things go with him. I stayed friends with her but found it very difficult to remove my emotional attachment. Then came New year, I decided a few days before to get some space from her but after a night with another lad she actually said that she liked me and said she's confused and can't commit to me at the moment at the risk of ruining it.
At the moment we both talk at the weekends, We both always respond to each other and pickup the phone when each other rings. We haven't really spent any time alone for a while but we both have busy lives. The ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend now. I know she is on tinder and has slept with a few other lads, but I've been seeing other girls and she knows about it. She asked me if I want to go to Berlin with her and a few of our other friend next month (this could mean anything). Any advice on what the whole situation is about and how to get about it. I love her (I think she knows it) but whilst ex boyfriends are hovering about in the early stages and me acting a bit needy early on has made a mess of things. At the moment things are a lot more comfortable between us and I want to know how to win her over when the time is right?
Most Helpful Girl
I think that if things are more comfortable now between the two of you that's a great step and maybe right now the best thing you guys can do is enjoy each other's company and friendship and see where that leads to in the future. But for the time being I think it's better not to be worried about the future that much, keep the expectations low, and see how you guys get along in these circumstances. What can get you together in the future may depend on the type of bond you build now.1
Most Helpful Guy
The cool thing is you recognized you were being needy and now you can change that if you haven't already.
If you've already agreed to go, then go. But bring another girl you've been seeing along so that she can soak up some of your attention. You need to try your best to detach from this girl emotionally for the time being. For multiple reasons. You're too invested and because of that you were reacting emotionally to everything she said or did. You need to get away from doing that and get your emotions under control for your own sanity.
Also, being less invested in her when you two aren't together is more attractive. I'm glad to hear you didn't stop dating so you definitely have that in your favor and should use it.
I know you like this girl, but from her position you're just a guy who is very available whenever she wants you and because she doesn't have to chase you she won't. She knows she can see how things work out with these exes she has and if all else fails she can come to you for that consolation prize.
That's not to say she doesn't like you. She does. You're probably fun and the sex was pretty good. But you set yourself up in a position where she is on a pedestal and you have to chase her.. you gotta change that. Knock her off that pedestal in your mind.
She is not an angel. She's a human being that is imperfect. She eats, sleeps and shits just like you. Yes, she shits out of that perfectly formed ass of hers. Vivid enough picture? Good! Use that.
That's a new perspective for you to look at this situation. It will help you if you choose to use it.2