What would you do if your SO ate *all* the bacon?

  • Turn him/her into bacon, because cannibalism isn't only humorous, it's also nutritious...
    6% (2)27% (4)13% (6)Vote
  • Cry about there not being any more bacon until there was more bacon...
    25% (8)7% (1)19% (9)Vote
  • Eat a vegetable, because they're defenseless, and cannibalism is fan-flippin-tastic...
    9% (3)0% (0)6% (3)Vote
  • Go to my secret bacon stash
    12% (4)33% (5)19% (9)Vote
  • Tell him/her it was fine, and i didn't even want any bacon, and then murder him/her in the middle of the night
    3% (1)0% (0)2% (1)Vote
  • Trick him into eating his/her parents (i cannot stress this enough: cannibalism is the answer to all of life's problems...)
    6% (2)0% (0)4% (2)Vote
  • Other
    39% (12)33% (5)37% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would play it cool. After all, bacon is a renewable resource. So long as we have hogs to slaughter, we'll have bacon. No big deal. It's just meat.

    Then... I'd wait.

    Days, weeks, maybe a few months. Long enough for the even to be mostly removed from my partner's memory. Then I'd do it.

    Gradually, I'd begin to replace their posessions with strips of cooked bacon. Small things at first. Stuff they wouldn't normally notice. Rings, pens, hats. I'd work my way up until they couldn't turn around without finding a cold, rubbery piece of pan fried pork. Their nostrils would be assaulted by the cured salty odor until they couldn't take it anymore. They'd start the day lying on a pillowcase made of woven bacon. Slide their feet into bacon slippers. Slog into the kitchen for some bacon tea with a side of bacon fried bacon. Pull their exhausted, high blood pressure afflicted body into the bathroom and slather shower gel all over their naked body. Cut of course, with bacon grease.

    Their whole life would be bacon. To the point where they'd sooner jump in front of a moving train than bring another crispy strip to their cracked, quivering lips.

    Eventually, I'd draw the curtains on my charade, let him fall into a defeated, applewood smoked husk into my arms.

    Finally, I'd whisper into his ear.

    "Don't eat my fucking bacon."

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 25

  • I would cry until he realized he should go buy more bacon, take a rest while he was gone because crying is exhausting, and then like sniffle some while he cooked it for good measure.

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  • Poke his belly and ask for some bacon back lol
    Haha it's ok, he can be a fatty kapoomba. I'll go get more ☺️

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  • This may shock you, but I don't really like bacon.

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    • I'm not wild about it either, actually... 😄

    • Show All
    • Ugh, no. Never.

    • Communist!

  • For some reason I get tempted to eat vegtables they taste good. Its been a long time.

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    • Ya, they just sit there and drool while you preheat the oven...

    • haha! Its good! I swear something wrong with me apple eating vegetables!

  • Get a blood test cholesterol count immediately. Whomever has the lowest gets to rule over the other one muahahaha.

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  • Eh I wouldn't care since I don't eat bacon lol

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  • How did I know this would be you before clicking on it?

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  • :O

    "Oh my hayat, did you not know bacon are haram?"

    Unless he ate turkey bacon or something. I don't know.

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  • 😱😱 UNACCEPTABLE. UNACCEPTABLE CONDITIONS. 🍋🌝

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  • I might actually cry. My cousin did this to me once... I was hysterical. I love bacon.

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  • I wouldn't care. Not a huge bacon fan.

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  • İ dont eat Bacon. So he can have them all 😂

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  • Then they would be the bacon. Nothin like fresh bacon..

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  • Bacon stash.

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  • Awwove you😘😘😘😘

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  • Get your ass to the store and buy more for me.

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  • Make myself some sausage. I like that better anyway.

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  • I'd be pissed!

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  • That would be fantastic actually! I would be extremely happy!

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  • Be pissed but get something else to eat

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  • Well I really don't give a pig about bacon since I'm a vegetarian

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  • buy him more <3
    but lol to the poll hahah

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  • fuck!!! so many weirdos in this world.

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  • He doesn't know about my secret bacon stash.

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  • Just WTF is all this rubbish about?

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What Guys Said 11

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