I always had a very high physical standard when I was single. Higher than it probably should have been, haha, it was purely ego-driven at the time. I wanted every other guy in the place to be mad at me for who I either showed up with or left with. Like it made me legitimately angry and I felt conquered if I saw a guy with a hotter girl than mine on his arm. It's kind of dumb in retrospect, but I was like a hunter back then, and I only spent bullets on 40-point+ bucks. It sounds even douchier in writing than it was in reality, haha, go easy on me😔
Anyway, I say that to say this: I turned down a lot of girls in my day, some of which were actually pretty good looking (and at very least really nice girls), and the older I get I'm like "man, what was I thinking?" But at the same time I had it in my head that being seen with very beautiful women would lead to me pulling more beautiful women. So anyway, in turning down the other girls, that was always tough for me. Call me shallow, call me a player, that's fine. But don't call me an asshole to women, I don't live like that. I was always respectful to all of them, whether we hooked up or not. Turning down a really sweet girl, or I guess even just an average girl, never felt good to me. I get a rise out of GETTING the girl, but I don't get a rise out of rejecting them. And believe me, the success I did have with women came with all of the rejections most guys get, I certainly wasn't batting 1.000, I crashed and burned like everyone else does sometimes. So I've been on both sides of it, and I know it sucks and even hurts sometimes when someone says they prefer the company of someone else, or even nobody, to your company. So I always approached those situations carefully and with great remorse.
I had a girl who hung out with our circle of friends just lay it out flat for me one night when we were partying. I was just talking to her while I was drunk, haha, I wasn't putting the vibe out at all, and she's like "we can go talk upstairs soon if you want. I feel like I should kind of take the lead here..." Like it doesn't usually come quite that easy, I should have been happy to. But she was just kind of "meh" looks wise, not ugly or anything, just ok, but i think her body was off in some way, nothing major, I just remember the guys used to joke behind her back. But really she wasn't that bad and she was nice. So what do I do? I pretended to pass out on the couch😒 I don't know if...(continued)