How can I or should I handle this?

My last relationship ended very painfully, where the guy cheated on me the whole time and lied to me about virtually everything. My current boyfriend actually distantly knows my ex boyfriend from working with him in the past, but doesn't see or talk to him anymore. Now he's working on a new project and is working with him again and my ex wants to go out for drinks with him. I told him I will never control him, but the fact that he wants to hang out with him feels like it doesn't matter what he did to me. Am I overreacting? How can I address this without acting psycho? It's really freaking me out.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Shit. Why would i want my girlfriend to hangout with my ex that cheated on me?

    Personally, if he is even entertaining the idea of hanging out with someone that hurt you, he's an idiot. But you should at the very least let him know you feel uncomfortable with the idea to see if he cares about your feelings.

    And if he goes out with your ex and have drinks... you should dump that shit and tell him to go date your ex.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would feel uncomfortable in this situation too. It's one thing having to associate with him at work , but another to hang out with him for drinks. He isn't showing much regard for your feelings, and it's quite disrespectful. It's unusual for a guy to want to hang out with his girlfriends ex.

    There's nothing much you can do about it , except to tell him how you really feel, and hope he will love you enough to put your own feelings above his own. Considering how much your ex obviously hurt you, your ex shouldn't want to associate with anyone who has hurt you that way

    If i was dating a guy, i would never put him in an uncomfortable position such as this, I would definitely consider his feelings. I would feel disloyal to my him if i went for drinks with his ex.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Well that is really very disrespectful towards you, I am not sure why your boyfriend would want to even go out with your "ex". He should really stay away from him.

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  • Depends on the situation, if its business/social courtesy because he has to interact with the guy then he might have reason to do so, What your ex did and what your current boyfriend does is not the same. He should not have to pay for your ex's mistakes and again, if he has reason to play nice with him, I don't see a reason to fault him for it. Its kind of hard to work with some one your girlfriend expects you to cuss out and treat like crap. He has to remain professional. Talk to him about it and see what he has to say, and remember they are two different people, just because he is forced to associate/socialize with the guy doesn't reflect how he feels.

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    • I have no problem with them working together because I understand it's work. I also don't expect him to cuss him out or anything like that. I just don't see why he needs to take the extra step of hanging out with him outside of work.

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    • No bc I didn't want to be the psycho, pushy, emotional girlfriend. :) For one thing I knew I had to wait and calm down so I wasn't just letting my emotions control me.

    • Well talk to him about it and see what he says. He could just feel obligated (its really hard to say no for some especially when you have to work with them, it can cause friction and general unpleasentness) one should never assume, some times we get so caught up in our own view of things we end up ignoring the more obvious (and usually far more benign) reasons.

  • That sounds fucked up. Tell him its direspectful in a calm way.

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  • Tell him hell no and don't go. He will get over it. That shits weird that he wants you to go hang out with your ex. You sure can't pick em huh?

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    • I know right. .. this guy has been absolutely great to me until this, which is probably why I'm still giving him a chance.

  • Look , its never a good idea to be friends with your partners ex , so i dont think its okay , regardless of what he did to you it is not exactly an ideal situation

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  • Wow, this one is tough. Id reiterate how you feel and admonish him
    not to talk about your relationship. If you try to rein him in, he will
    resent you.

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  • Well he didn't do it to him, so I guess I can see why he won't just hold a grudge in YOUR place.

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    • But I feel it should bother him that someone did that to me, if he really cares about me.

    • That's great, but it's his choice to decide whom he interacts with, and you can't just block people in real life if they're your co-workers.

    • I have no problem with the work relationship; I understand that's the way it goes. But I don't see a need to take it a step further and hang out outside of work.

  • There very disrespectful of him.. Tell him that out concerns you!!!

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  • You're over reacting. What's the harm if they have drinks?

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  • Just calm down...

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What Girls Said 8

  • I don't think your over reacting I would be upset to.

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  • I don't think you're overreacting at all. Of course, you shouldn't go and spazz at your boyfriend and tell him not to hang out with him, and I think you're handling it very well by telling him that you aren't going to control him. However, I don't really get why your boyfriend would even want to hang out with your ex in the first place, especially after he hurt you. You should try bringing it up.

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  • I don't think it is unreasonable to not want him hanging out with someone who hurt you and I think that a reasonable boyfriend would understand that.

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  • thats disrespectful of him to be going out with someone who hurt you like that. you would think that he would want to kick his ass. tell him how it is. tell him u feel disrespected

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  • Did you tell ur current boyfriend everything?

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    • He knows the basics, but not details

    • Tell him everything. Maybe he thinks the situation wasn't very serious.

  • Just talk to him and tell him how you feel.

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  • Honestly girl, just tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable with him hanging out with your ex. It would be a different story if you and your ex were cool but you're not so why does he think it's okay. Express that he's your past and you don't really want them to be hanging out. Yes, I agree that it's not in your control of what he ends up doing but I think you should just at least say something to him. just don't overreact, you're just expressing how you feel.

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  • You're slightly overreacting, however you have every right to voice your concern to your current boyfriend. Tell him in a nice way that the thought of him meeting up with your ex worries you a lot.

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