Long Distance issues, any insight?

Dating three months, I'm UK she's USA, About to book to see her in March for the first time but a few things have me worried to do it. Applied to college over there incase things work out for us.

She's friends with her exes, not unheard of, but there's one that there was an "incident" with that makes me uncomfortable. She says she went there to hang out (we were going out) and nap at his place, he tried to kiss her all night and she said no, allowed him to cuddle her in bed but when she woke up her bra was unhooked. She admitted it the same day, felt bad but I can't shake the feeling more might have happened. It was early on so I forgave her. They still hangout and I've voiced my displeasure since it was so hard for me to forgive her. Not for what she did really but for her being so stupid to think that wouldn;t happen with an ex. She said she'd stop talking to him and not go to his room to sleep but recently she said she was going for a nap when we called in college, I asked where, she said his. I argued with her and she said she'd forget it and should have kept quiet. That worries me. I'm on the brink of spending thousands on this girl, moving there potentially but she lies about that. They both have class together so I understand that much but still, Am I in the wrong. She says she loves me, wants to get married eventually, have kids although I understand such thoughts at this stage are naive. She says I'm her first love too but I feel what happened with this Ex is hard for me to move past. I also thought when she initally said she "slept with him" she fucked him so I went on for a long time thinking she did that and its hard to shake even if its wrong. What do I do? will these feelings fade? can I ask her to stop talking to him or will it never happen?


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  • First, if she woke up with her bra unhooked she was probably assaulted and that's not something you should be angry at her about or she should feel guilty over - unless something did happen and she's lying about it.

    My wife and I had a long-distance relationship for 6 years before she was able to move to the UK and if I ever asked her to stop doing something, I know she wouldn't hesitate to stop.

    If your partner keeps doing something you've repeatedly asked her not to, that's not a good sign and you need to have a serious talk about your relationship.

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    • I don't want to tell her she can't do it but in similar situations I've stopped doing something because she's uncomfortable. When a friend got too flirty and asked me to sleep with her I cut her off as to not complicate things. My girlfriend seems to not to the same. She'll stop for a while and assume I forget what I said and go back to do it. It hurts me because a lot of guys would have broke up with her over the incident I described.

      I understand you on the assault aspect too, its very bad but my question is if it was that way then why would she go back? you don't see someone who almost rapes you or at the least assaults. You wouldn't nap at their place again and risk such a thing surely?

      This is the only serious problem for me here. I would have booked the trip if only this didn't bother me. I can't refund flights so if she hurts me badly I'll have wasted money, a lot of it too.

      My other question would be to you personally: How did you deal with the six years, was it hard?

    • Show All
    • She cheated.

    • Really sorry to hear that mate, that absolutely sucks. I know it isn't much help right now, but at least you found out before it went any further.

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