Why am I still single?

I see this question all the time and it really makes me sad to see all the people, both male and female, feeling so alone and hopeless. It seems like even if you're a young woman, and you're not ugly, you still might have to fight tooth and nail to even have a shot in the dating world. I'm shy and reserved, not a drinker so I don't go to bars but I am a part time student and I work as a waitress so I meet men all the time, still, I end up alone every night. Is it because I won't put out on the first date? I don't know the reasons, all I really know is I'm tired of being alone. Is it so unreasonable to just want someone to tell me they love me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So most of the men you meet while working as a waitress?

    I can't speak for other men, but often I have met women (like today, in fact, at the Doctor's office) who I am attracted to and who seem friendly, but I don't ask them out because I feel it would be unfair to do so while they are doing their job. Especially since in that kind of job you are expected to be friendly to everyone, 9 to 90, so you never know if she is interested in you or is just good at her job.

    Maybe you should get out in other situations, maybe a hiking club or something, to meet people away from your workplace.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can tell you why I am not dating for a year now. first, work, I am too busy with somewhat the wrong job but its not that I hate it. its just that it makes me soft. 2nd, I have priorities, I want to achieve something, and I dont want to start with someone if I know I can't stay. 3rd I am too mess up inside and I know that the only thing that can stop this is too achieve my dreams. 4th I dont want to start something that I can't finish, that will be unfair to the other side. when you are not ready dont push it, when you are then go.

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What Guys Said 16

  • It's not unreasonable to want love. Stay true to your values and the right guy will come along. It's hard.

    The younger generation takes for granted that options are abundant and forgot that the core foundation of love is perseverance (just putting biology aside for now 😉)

    If you want someone to talk to about your day, you can chat me. I'll offer feedback.

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    • Thank you for your opinion. I appreciate honest feedback:)

  • Certainly not all men are looking only for sex. I couldn't tell you the reasons based on what you've written. A while back a wrote a take on shy people in the dating world. Perhaps it might be of some help:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a6760-dating-while-shy-in-an-aggressive-world

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  • Well, you said you are shy. Your shy body language is most likely sending out the wrong signals that make guys think you dislike them. Such as avoiding eye contact, pointing your body away from them, or positioning your body behind something as if to hide.

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  • It is definitely not unreasonable to want love and to want a partner. I highly doubt it is because you will not put out on the first date because that should not be expected. Keep to your values and who you are. Maybe try getting out more? I know that is hard working a job and doing college as well, but it could help. I am rather tired of being alone as well

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  • So you say you meet men all of the time. How many of those men do you actually ask out on a date? Have they all rejected you?

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    • I have never asked a man out, crippling fear of rejection.

    • I can understand that.
      Most boys your age feel the exact same way. Society expects boys to overcome this fear and girls often refuse to take responsibility and leave all related to dating up to the man.

      Being brave is about overcoming your fears. You can't complain about a situation that you are doing nothing to change. If you are weak and you want to be strong, you go to the gym.

      I have personally suffered from social phobia so I well know about crippling fear. But being born in a male body I pretty much had to overcome this fear, or face loneliness for the rest of my life, because of how the dating world usually is.

      You will probably not be alone for life even if you just wait and do nothing, you are a girl. But if you don't want to wait for some more years you need to make the things you want happen.

      Your enemy is obviously your fear. You can overcome this by taking small steps. Your work would make it natural to practice small talk and such to work up your confidence.

  • Ask someone out. If you aren't willing to do it you can't expect other people to be willing to do it.

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  • Maybe it's because people are too busy working and paying bills and expenses that shouldn't even exist to actually have a life.

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  • Everyone needs love
    You're a cutie and I'm sure your guy will come and you can approach guys either though that would be difficult as you're shy
    Umm then just wait if you wanna be loved :P

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  • Not at all. If i were you, id talk to guys and let them know they are cool. If they like you, they will ask you out. Nothing wrong with feeling lonely and want someone to love you. Your human, its part of the human cobdition.

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  • are you picky? cuz if you're not i can point you to many guys who will love you

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  • I feel the same but I always keep the hope that maybe tomorrow I might meet my future SO so I keep hope it can happen anytime

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  • I am single by choice...

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  • Pfft I don't even have friends much less a date. The only time I talk to people is on here.

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  • it might be because of fear

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  • itd be a nice debate..
    who is more shy me or you

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  • Same question I thinkbo have to ask from myself every time that why I am single

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What Girls Said 4

  • It'd not unreasonable at all, I'm sure most people want someone to love them and care for them. It can be so hard to find that person though. Maybe just take a break from dating/trying to find someone for a month or so; it can be frustrating if you've been having trouble for a while.

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  • Girl I am just like you, don't do the chasing but if someone is making the effort put in just as much.

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  • There's no need to be sad if your single the key is don't be looking. the moment your at peace with yourself is when you find somebody great I've learned that through expierence

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  • It's OK. I've been single for 8 months now with some hook ups (meaningless). It's better to wait and have meaningful relationships/sex instead of a hookup in my opinion. It depends how bad you want it. Write down what u want in a man, looks personality etc. You can also start wishing/manifestating on it. I've started manifesting one and I think I've almost got one but it wasn't all that I've wanted because I didn't write it down or was specific enough for the universe to know.
    The universe has forces and u just need to know how to use them. Also, u might not be ready yet...
    Good luck!! x

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