Why does my boyfriend say he loves me then act like a complete jerk?

I have a bipolar love.

On the one hand he says he loves me more than anything, wants to marry me, has written me the most beautiful love notes, poems, and letters and has suprised me with flowers and super thoughtful, sentimental gifts. He's changed my car tires and oil, surprised me by cleaning my entire room when my roomie's cat was trapped in there for a day (use your imagination) and filled balloons and hid notes all over, and he's been there to comfort and rescue me in moments of personal crisis.

Then on the other hand he can act like the biggest, most hurtful, cold-hearted jerk on the planet. He's yelled at me, called me names, literally stranded me a couple times, and basically made me feel like I'm nothing.

How do I figure out which is the "real him"? How can he go from being my dream guy to my worst nightmare and back again? I should probably mention that he's a combat veteran who's been diagnosed with PTSD and TBI, for whatever that's worth.


What Guys Said 1

  • I think you answered your own question. He sounds bipolar in his extremes of both bad and good, rage and euphoria. As to the question of which one is the real him, that may be a philosophical one. How much are we defined by our emotions? And how much control do we really have over very powerful ones?

    I think it's safe to say that he will not suddenly get better. You need to talk to professionals about what is possible and what to expect. If you do stick by him, you probably should find coping mechanisms that protect you from the worst of these behaviors. I think you already figured out that this is not a simple situation.


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