Is there any point in pursuing a long term relationship these days?

Is there any point in pursuing a good relationship with strong feelings involved?

It Seems like most guys are only after sex or Just not interesting, people are just getting more and more self centered, so it Seems hopeless to try to meet a decent guy these days.

It Seems so much easier to get involved with an average guy (looks, personality wise etc) who likes to spend on others and have this non-emotional (from my part) relationship with him.

This way i'll have some sort of fun instead of sitting at home wanting something that might not even exist


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most guys ARE only after sex. The question is, what is he willing to do to get it?

    Is he willing to fall in love with you, check his desires, date, love, and trust you, and after months and years when he is sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you (Remember... years of dating in celibacy) he marries you.

    Then, on the honeymoon, you are so enamored with him, so in love, so desirous of him, you two finally come together and commemorate the life- commitment you two have made, beginning a lifelong process of discovery and bonding to one another.

    Anything less is just compromise.

    People do not want to invest the work, the suffering, the pain of self denial, to actually get to KNOW ONE ANOTHER without making out and eventually screwing, so very few people ever get to know what real, true, deep, lasting love means.

    Don't just "Get involved" with someone. Men who are willing to wait, who want to get to know you, are out there, but we are very few. If you wait, you may find what you are looking for.

    If he wants to make out before your honeymoon, in my opinion, that's a red flag he is only interested in sex, or at least interested above knowing you as a person, first.

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    • Im not waiting untill Marriage.. im Just waiting for a serious relationship, something thats really hard to find.. or at least for me

Most Helpful Girl

  • Of course there's still a point in pursuing a LTR these days.

    It still provides the feeling of security, stability, and almost constant companionship that it once offered. Guys these days are only after sex if that's all you offer them. Of course few would turn down or not even consider sex if it's given to them with NSA and a willing girl.

    If you want a LTR, that's something built off of much more than sex alone. If you build the foundation of whatever relationship you have with a guy on sex, it won't last long nor will it be very fulfilling outside of in the physical aspect.

    As for yourself, sounds like you're either one of those people who are not too into long term relationships period, or are not yet at that level of maturity.
    Different strokes for different folks. :P

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    • I mean, she did say she'd just be fine with sitting around hanging with guys whe "like to spend on others". LOL So, that says something about where the priorities lie, here.

    • @redeyemindtricks I know long term relationship are buildt in more than sex... its a reason im still a Virgin

What Guys Said 59

  • Their are plenty of people who want a relationship, unfortunatley they are thinking the exact same thing you are. I personally feel like this all the time, everyone seems so completely decadent so full of themselves its always about them that the idea of being with anyone is actually becoming disgusting to me. The pure selfishness of people is just so counter to what a relationship should be. Its not just guys, its a whole lot of women too. Don't give up, don't become just another self absorbed person who simply uses another for their own gain, be decent, stay decent and keep trying until you find a decent person because their are plenty of guys out their who are, you just won't find them at the bar or parties or clubs usually. As for being with people, the fact is the more partners you have the more unstable your future relationships will be (statisticly proven, with 1 partner divorce probability is 1% with two it jumps to 16%) so I would recommend not settling, rather try for something real otherwise you may just sabatoge your future because of being impatient in the present. Don't sacrifice a future relationship for a cheap and quick thrill now.

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  • The same goes for women. I look around me and I see an abundance of hoes and unoriginal basic bitches. It disgusts me how boring many people are and how they prefer to bitch about everything yet never actually do anything to get closer to their goals and dreams. It doesn't make it any easier since the few that actually spend their time improving themselves don't go around bragging about it on facebook so they are hard to spot. You can argue that I'm lying when I say this, but I have never cared for sex or any of the emotional drama that most petty relationships have these days. This has caused me to always be an outcast amoung my peers since I'm still very young and surrounded by stupid teenagers. I just hope it gets a little better when you get older.

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    • No, it doesn't get better when you are older, its bitter sweet irony is what it is and it is a compromise not based on love.

      You are wise for your young age, don't get frustrated, and live your own life above the peer pressure bullshit and learn that you decide whether you are happy or not, sex doesn't validate shit it really doesn't.

  • I'm kind of weird in that I slept around a whole lot but was ultimately looking for a serious relationship (and finally found one, now married).

    The difficult thing for me is that the first few girlfriends I really liked (maybe "loved") were very attractive and also had so much sexual chemistry.

    Yet they didn't work out (a couple due to long distance after I moved for my career, one because I started acting like an idiot when we got engaged).

    Since then, I was always kind of on the rebound. I wasn't looking for the same exact girl after a while (when I got out of the rebound stage), but I was looking for girls "as good".

    And for me, "as good" needs to take strong consideration of how we're like together when we have sex. To me that's the one really exclusive activity I can have with a woman I have a relationship with, as I can't be getting married and having sex with all my female friends (I can hang out with them and do all kinds of things I can do with my wife, but no sex, no kissing, things of this sort). So sex to me is one of the most important parts about a relationship of all.

    So I had sex with lots of women trying to find which one was perfect for me not only outside the bedroom, but in the bedroom (well, as "perfect" as I can find among my choices).

    As a result, I got kind of confused for a player type but only because I was searching for the perfect sexual connection that was as strong as some of the women I dated before who I got separated from against my will.

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    • So even if a guy is really looking for a serious relationship, he might have sex with a few dozen or more women trying to find the perfect one. To me it's a smart move, explore your options thoroughly before committing to something as serious as marriage.

    • The one exception I'd make is if you marry your first love and save your virginity until after marriage. At that point, it's too late, and you'll never have experienced other women to know that there are better or worse people in the bedroom -- you'll be really happy with the one woman you have. I unfortunately didn't get to marry my first girlfriend, so I got spoiled and wanted to compare every woman I could date before settling on one.

    • As a kind of confession though, part of the reason I got married was probably due to age (I was 30 at the time). I was no longer like a prized jewel among my group of friends, younger guys were replacing me in that role. Attracting women's attention was getting harder, and my options were growing limited. Meanwhile, I found an amazing girl simultaneously, and we tried living together and that was working out unusually well compared to the other two girlfriends I lived with before. Last but not least, I wanted kids. So it just seemed like marriage was a good idea at that point.

  • The reason its very hard to have a good relationships with anyone these days, is because our society is becoming very materialistic, I call it the plastic generation. When people become more materialistic, people's emotions for others become less and less.

    You just have to look at Facebook, people are not interested in really socializing with you or being friends with you. they are using you for a numbers games, just like what corporations are doing to people. Treating people like numbers.

    This world is becoming a numbers games.

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  • I think the problem is that young people have become too accustomed to transacting personal affairs by texting, Facebook, etc. and they have lost the ability to handle personal relationships on a face-to-face basis. But that is a generalization and not all young people suffer that problem.

    You should not give up! Even if 90% of all guys your age are not good candidates for a LTR, you only need to find one who meets your criteria and then you are set. Make the task easier by thinking about the mind set of a guy who is serious about relationships and wants an emotional connection. What kind of things is that guy likely to be doing? Where do guys like that spend time? How can you put yourself in proximity to those guys?

    Don't just sit back and wait for them to find you. The process will go more quickly if you discretely make yourself more obvious to them. And don't let the bad experiences turn your attitude sour; if you succumb to that, you have let the bastards win!

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  • Never settle, that's what landed me in whole heap of shit.

    So, take it from there do a ONS every now and then or not its up to you, but whatever you do, don't settle. If you are patient and you look, but don't spend all your time looking just don't give up looking (don't rely on tender and dating sites).

    If you haven't noticed (I assume you haven't), in the real world out there, there are plenty of decent guys, personality, health, looks, who want to find a decent woman but who are getting to the point of thinking its a hopeless cause as well.

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    • Those hopeless guys end up settling for you

    • @lovemedammit Or never settle at all and if they do settle they know it and they'd still be bitter and you would see the bitterness and hopelessness still in his eyes and his actions, if you don't he doesn't think that and only you do.

    • Lol I know what you mean. I can sense the frustration too. Some girls just choose to be in denial

  • The media drives a message of consumerism at any cost. Wear this or you'll be shunned, look like this, think that. It's social propaganda. People are too lazy to figure themselves out and rely totally on tv and magazines to do it for them. The problem is this media they follow isn't benevolent, it's malevolent, it's just a profit making machine. It encourages people to actively embrace characteristics that we've known for centuries are self destructive and detrimental to happy living like vanity, greed, pride and others. This is why people are so shallow and boring now. They're mannequins for big corporations. In their quest for individuality they've become a clone of every other person. You want to be an amazing person it starts from the inside and you'll shine like a diamond on the outside. You won't need fancy clothes and useless trinkets to stand out. Too bad people are too dense now to know this stuff. Some of the things getting asked on here are things I thought everybody knew. Don't give up hope though. There's plenty of old school guys out there who are interesting and know how to live a life properly. Maybe not in america though. The corporate world's got too big a shadow over people there. They're turning into mindless robots.

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  • They exist... I'm 20 year old never even touch a girls hands. I'm mature enough to know that if I'm not going to pursue in a long term relationship (marriage) why should I go out and ruin other girls life with telling them I "love" and try to have sex with them. A mature men knows what love is and thats why they put sex after love. I'm waiting for that person no matter what and I'm not gonna go and ruin my whole life with others just because I can't control my hormones... a man should be better than that.

    There is so many reason to pursue yourself in a long term relationship especially these days where true love is lost. Plus having high morals isn't a easy thing... if I went out partied and had sex with bunch of girl when I have a child one day how the hell am I gonna convince him that is completely wrong and a waste of time. I can't even find one good thing that causes good to myself from that. You just have to believe that my doing the hard thing you will gain in the future. All my peers will have a poor family life with cheating divorcing but if I didn't even cheat to a person that wasn't there how can I cheat on my wife that is my childrens mom. Its all about morals. You shouldn't loose hope just keep your morals high you will find someone like you or similar to you.

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  • They're out there, keep looking.

    There's alotta people in this world, it'd be a damned waste of space if every single one of them were assholes, no?

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    • I can't say that a guy only wanting sex is necessarly an asshole.. abd Im tired if looking and waiting, I want to enjoy my youth, and have fun, not sitting at home wondering whats wrong with me.. with a semi-monagomous relationship kinda deal at least im not waiting around alone

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    • I dont doubt it, but it doesn't help me if non of them wants me lol

    • Then you gotta do what ya gotta do. Just find your happiness.

  • well actually i had it the other way around and learned so the hard way.
    i always wanted a committed relationship and always am the "Romeo" type of guy.
    i ended up totally falling in love and getting married.
    2 months after getting married i learned that she has been cheating and have feelings for the guy since before our marriage and she turned out to be an emotionally abusive wife. yes he was the type of guy that only wanted sex and the rich business owner type of guy. but still she fell for him and married me and we even had a child. i stayed in the relationship and forgave her and kept trying for the sake of this family and marriage.
    she left with our son almost 1 month ago and i recently learned she was still seeing him all through our 2.5 years of marriage.
    she says she felt happy and loved and acted in love and married me because she felt it was convenient. and she was as you said "It Seems so much easier to get involved with an average guy (looks, personality wise etc) who likes to spend on others and have this non-emotional (from my part) relationship with him."
    so please don't even think of getting involved in such a relationship like "yeah he's a good guy, he will treat me right and i would be happy" JUST DON'T!!!
    those "AVERAGE" guys deserve better treatment and better partners than those who think that way.
    the "AVERAGE GUY" for you might be the PERFECT guy for someone else so don't steal their heart and manipulate them just because he makes YOU feel happy, loved, wanted and make them live in hell afterwards.
    love and relationships are not a game. and life all together is not a game.

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  • If you're not into a guy, its wrong to string him along. And it makes you a user. You dont' like fellas who just want sex and to leave, guess what the girl equivalent to that is.

    Start dating older men, we mature with age, we have more to offer than our younger selves as well.

    The answer to your problem is to find someone who is what your looking for. Not to use some poor schlub for his limited resources cause you're bored and don't want to sit at home.

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  • Well its not easy to find a decent someone for yourself...

    But what do you mean by this " It Seems so much easier to get involved with an average guy (looks, personality wise etc) who likes to spend on others and have this non-emotional (from my part) relationship with him "

    You mean good looking guys only want sex from you and an average guy wants something more but you just wanna use him by having non-emotinal from your side?

    Is that what you think? Well no wonder no body is interested in you!

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  • Woah, your question has summed up what's been going through my mind lately. A lot of girls I meet are just after sex, in a relationship or just not interested.
    I sometimes think that it would be better/easier for me to just try casual sex instead of pursuing a long term relationship.

    So I don't have a good answer for your question just that I know I'm looking for a long term relationship and I believe that there are other people out there doing the same.
    As for the point of it, I think that's something that you know for yourself or should find out for yourself as opposed to having someone else tell you what the point of it is.

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  • The day we stop believing in true love is the day it truly dies

    It makes my heart ache to see stuff like this, these days are a cynical time, and it seems like a lot of people don't even want to fall in love anymore. I'm going to play the optimist here though. Yes, there is always a reason to try. What are we living for, after all, if not for love? There is no other feeling like being with the one you were meant for. Remember: life is temporary, people come and go, but love is forever.

    Peace
    ❤️

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  • Here's my take on this age old question:

    Notice how you wrote "Just not interesting"? Those are the guys that are looking for long term relationships. You need to look at yourself before you say that everything "seems" a specific way.

    I am 6'3", toned, bike 50k+ weekly, 24 now, majored in chemistry, about to start a masters in applied math. You would think I would have no issue finding women? Guess what, when I was one of those guys that wanted a long term serious relationship... well I was getting absolutely nowhere, and ended up frustrated and even outright sad.

    Now guess what? When I started becoming an outright jerk, talking to 5-6 women at a time, and NOT having strong feelings, well this is when I started getting successful, and even landing myself a girlfriend for a good year.

    A lot of women nowadays complain that all "interesting" men are pretty much what you described. Well we are a product of our society. We do what seems to work.

    One more thing... I am not actually after sex. I am actually interested in meeting long term partners, but openly flaunting it seems to always drive women away... or as you put it: "Just not interesting".

    I hope I could shed some light on this question!

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  • It's up to you to be involved, in your words, with "an average guy (looks, personality wise etc)" but as I say those relationships won't go anywhere because as soon as you find a better option in front of your eyes you will dump or cheat your boyfriend, I've seen with friends and it happened to me a while ago. Those things happen.

    You need to be crazy, head over heals for someone in terms of looks and personality to make a relationship actually work. "Settling for" I just don't think it's the best idea. Also considering it's a selfish idea just because you're looking for companionship long term.

    I understand where you're coming from though, as I haven't been long term in a while. It's hard to find someone you're attracted to physically to have the personality traits people who aren't as good looking and possibly popular/overly successful seem to have.

    Attractive girls for the most part are way too over themselves and they generally look to exploit their looks and "social privileges" as long as they can, have terrible personalities and aren't really good to talk with. Most just aren't relationship material and just as you mentioned I've grown extremely skeptical too. It's hard to find someone worth getting serious with so I guess it happens both ways.

    My only advice is to not rush things and just let it happen, you might find someone you actually like who is looking the same as you. Lucky for you there are much more guys wanting to have a girlfriend than vice versa, as far as I've noticed.

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  • I think a long term relationship, no, a lifelong relationship is a hallmark and a worthy goal. But I think you've to be mentally prepared to commit first. Many people just enter it frivolously based on just infatuation and end up hurt.
    The key here is to make the relationship a part of your everyday life, like how you don't forget to brush your teeth or eat your food everyday. Just don't forget to love them everyday.

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  • It seems like you are making huge generalizations here, and mistaking people complaining loudly about guys who want to get nailed all the time as evidence that this is what all guys are like. Noise proves nothing.

    From this conclusion, you've decided to find the sort of man you actually want, and friendzone him/lead him on into spending all his money on you.

    What was that about people being more and more self-centred?

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  • Well you're probably right. From the other side of the coin I've basically gotten to the point where I have decided that women aren't necessarily worth my time or attention. You are absolutely right about the people becoming more self centered then and is ashamed as I am to say it I've been the sucker too many times. If I really logic it down to its base core and look at a very coldly there are only two things a woman can give me that I can't get for myself. Those things are Sex and companionship and I can get companionship from my dog. In light of that I have opted to just date casually.

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  • I think it applies to both guys and girls these days. The problem these days is everyone's become so accustomed to most people our age are only looking for short term casual, not serious at all flings that most people who do actually want a long-term relationship just end up with disappointment. Even then people have their guard up so high that they just suspect that everyone is out for a casual fling, but at the same time you don't just say right off the bat that you want something long term because then you just come across as desperate.

    I question why I even bother trying to pursue long term relationships, I've only ever felt more satisfied by my flings and hookups anyway

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  • I'm trying to meet lots of women to brush my skills, before going into a monogamous relationship. You women have it easy, men have to work superb harder to get pussies!

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  • From my point of view, no. Girls these days are pathologically selfish and have this grotesque sense of entitlement so that the moment they don't get every single thing they want or their vast list of requirements aren't met, they lose interest. No thanks. I'll pass.

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  • They are worth it, and long term is the only term I do.

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  • Don't settle for the average guy, it's not fair to him. Odds are you don't bring anything special to the table.

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  • It's hard to find someone who is equally attracted to you as you are to them. Very hard. It's probably why many people just settle. And then eventually get divorced or cheat.

    I won't settle though. I want someone that is into me just as much as I am into them. Whoever I am with needs to be very attracted to me on all levels or it's not going to work at all for me.

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  • "The moment you no longer go for a gap that exists, you're no longer a racing driver",
    Ayrton Senna

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  • Well, if you're looking for a very handsome guy with a great personality, then you'll have to be very patient. Saying someone is "average" in terms of personality just means that you think you're above them, which doesn't speak very good about your personality.

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  • you guys are idiots. girls are choosing to date the guy who only wants to bang. they dont want the nice guy. there are tons of nice guys (evidence is this website)

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  • Yes, please do that. Need more girls who do. I don't know if it's because of fellow males who are only after sex or not, but the few girls I've been interested in recently turned out to be the exact opposite soon after. Shame...

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  • I'm looking for a girl who I can love and make feel special. I would like it in return but I am deffinetly looking for a long term relationship with this girl. I'm putting my life on the line for people in 4 years, so hopefully I can get and keep a girl for that.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 17

  • Don't generalize. Plenty of guys want to offer their love to someone special and be in a romantic relationship. Guys who just want sex will often throw hints and signs from the start that they don't want more so just pay attention. Girls just choose to not pay attention to it and then wonder why it doesn't work out.

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    • I think the women who say "men only want sex" are trying to date way out of their league, or just have bad taste.

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    • I don't see how she was generalizing, she said most guys not all guys

    • @ikissedtheskyonce That's generalizing. You can't say MOST guys don't want a long term a relationship. How can you know this? That's a generalized opinion. Grouping most men into the same category.

  • Even though some are after sex, there are many that want commitment, however if you want a bit of both and you're considering hooking up with someone, no one is stopping you however you may kick yourself in the end.

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  • definitely is. don't give up on the good ones.

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  • It Seems so much easier to get involved with an average guy (looks, personality wise etc) who likes to spend on others and have this non-emotional (from my part) relationship with him... I tried that trust me better to be alone. I know sounds strange but i speak from experience.

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  • Maaan, I remember these exact words being said 10 years ago by peers.

    "Men/women/relationships these days..." statements always crack me up.

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  • Just do you. If waiting around isn't making you happy, then don't. Get out there and make the best of your time here on Earth anything less is a waste :D

    You could get out there and date who your interested but if you start to feel like it's all abotu sex break it off before anything can happen.

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    • Its not that I date them and they only want sex, but mist guys that do approach me are guts at clubs ho only want sex. . I would approach guts myself, but haven't met anyone worth pursuing

  • There is hope for a relationship like that but good guys are hard to find. So when you find one don't let him go:)

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  • Come to a decision. You're an adult. Your life.

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  • I think so. I'm kinda a romantic though... I believe in dates, growing old, old fashioned type stuff.

    I want to grow old with someone and I won't really pursue a guy unless I see a chance of a long term relationship.

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  • Don't lose faith
    There's some good guys still out there who are in need of a serious long term relationship
    I know it seems as if commitment has faded in relationships these days, but there's some guys wh'd want the relationship to last as long as you do

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  • Honestly, I think you're probably right. Better to go out there with low expectations then sit at home with high expectations. And you never know, one of those guys that you think isn't interested might actually be and you could find the love of your life. But you can't really know until you're out there meeting people.

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  • I really dont get this, most guys I know want relationships. Perhaps you r looking in the wrong place

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  • Yeah I feel similar. Like why even bother?

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  • Yes. Absolutely. Never give up hope. :)

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  • "It Seems so much easier to get involved with an average guy (looks, personality wise etc) who likes to spend on others and have this non-emotional (from my part) relationship with him. This way i'll have some sort of fun instead of sitting at home wanting something that might not even exist"... I agree!! (I speak from experience) I did get feelings for this guy though and I quickly realised that was a mistake. He is a bit of an ass, so I stopped caring as much and still see him (It gets me out of the house) ... I don't really believe in "love" anymore anyway. Too many people cheat or have the potential to cheat.. or they just get bored and leave.

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  • I see what you mean

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  • I have the same problem, I have wanted a serious relationship for years. All I seem to attract are guys that just want their hole. Or even worse, guys that are already in relationships that want to bang me. 😱
    The guy's that are the lookers seem to be either off limits, gay, pompous or don't have much of a personality. I get the odd guy that lurks around like a paedo at a playground and never has the balls to initiate a convo with me. I know that I probably sound a bit shallow, I agree that personality is the most important quality and looks are a bonus, but physical attraction has got to come into the equation somewhere. Would you like to spend your life with someone that you aren't the least bit attracted to?
    Waking up to that would be like silent witness.

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