After a lot of deliberation, research, and advice, I decided some time ago that I never want biological children. I've thought this out very thoroughly and I have solid reasoning for this decision, the foremost reason being that it's my body and if I don't want to put a baby in it, I'm not going to. Nothing is going to change my mind on the matter.
However! I would very much like to adopt (adoption is a fairly normal thing in my family/extended family and I've always wanted to do it), so I do in fact still want children - just not my own.
So, guys, whether you want children or not, at what point in the dating/relationship process should a girl tell you something like this? And for guys who are set on having biological children, would this decision be a dealbreaker in the relationship?
It's a deal breaker for me. I always wanted children, to grow a family. I think it would get discussed soon into the relationship in the first few days because you talk about so many topics. I think it's best to say right away during the first couple dates just to not waste anyone's time.
Probably as soon as it seems the relationship is going somewhere (maybe a month in or so).
Just out of curiosity (since some guys may ask this as well), if the guy had his heart set on having biological children someday, would you be okay with him using a surrogate? So he can have one biological child as well as however many you want to adopt.
I'm very much like you in that I don't want children for very important reasons. I decided a long time ago to tell any and all women I date pretty much immediately. So's to make sure I and the person I'm dating aren't wasting time on a relationship that's doomed to fail due to the issue of children. Plus, I feel it's just cruel to withhold something like that if you're intending on forming a long term relationship with a person. So honesty, as soon as possible, is the best course of action in my opinion.
I always bring up topics like this when I feel the need for it. And I even say: "Listen, there is something that is wandering my mind." Everything can be a dealbreaker. It depens how much I like this person and how much I can think about a future relationship. Love can stand and handle so many decisions. If I love my wife, I can take a step back. If I took too many steps back it can be a dealbreaker.
I could definitely see this as a major deal breaker. I would not have dated my husband if he didn't want children (biological) I feel like this is something you should disclose within the first couple of months so that they don't grow too attached.