Guys, when should a girl let you know that she doesn't want biological children?

After a lot of deliberation, research, and advice, I decided some time ago that I never want biological children. I've thought this out very thoroughly and I have solid reasoning for this decision, the foremost reason being that it's my body and if I don't want to put a baby in it, I'm not going to. Nothing is going to change my mind on the matter.

However! I would very much like to adopt (adoption is a fairly normal thing in my family/extended family and I've always wanted to do it), so I do in fact still want children - just not my own.

So, guys, whether you want children or not, at what point in the dating/relationship process should a girl tell you something like this? And for guys who are set on having biological children, would this decision be a dealbreaker in the relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a deal breaker for me. I always wanted children, to grow a family. I think it would get discussed soon into the relationship in the first few days because you talk about so many topics. I think it's best to say right away during the first couple dates just to not waste anyone's time.

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    • What if she wants to adopt?

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    • No it wouldn't. I would just be like "well damn", but I wouldn't have hard feelings about it. Pregnancy and/or having children isn't for everyone.

    • Right. I don't want to waste anyone's time by not being upfront about my choices, so it's good to know that I don't have to wait too long to discuss them :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Probably as soon as it seems the relationship is going somewhere (maybe a month in or so).

    Just out of curiosity (since some guys may ask this as well), if the guy had his heart set on having biological children someday, would you be okay with him using a surrogate? So he can have one biological child as well as however many you want to adopt.

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    • Yeah, that seems like a sensible time period.

      I have considered surrogacy, yes. And I won't go into my reasoning here because that would take some time, but I just don't think it's the right option for me.

What Guys Said 14

  • Yes, dealbreaker.

    Let a guy know at the earliest possible time. Don't toy with people's hearts. Don't wait for attachments to become strong such that breaking up is painful.

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  • I'm very much like you in that I don't want children for very important reasons. I decided a long time ago to tell any and all women I date pretty much immediately. So's to make sure I and the person I'm dating aren't wasting time on a relationship that's doomed to fail due to the issue of children. Plus, I feel it's just cruel to withhold something like that if you're intending on forming a long term relationship with a person.
    So honesty, as soon as possible, is the best course of action in my opinion.

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  • I dont want any kids so the fact she wants to adopt is a deal breaker.

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  • well before you´re getting into a relationship, cause that´s what he was going for, you´d be wasting his time. you´d want to know that about a guy too.

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  • Eh, I personally don't care much about children. But I think that's something to be talked about early on so nobody wastes their time.

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  • I always bring up topics like this when I feel the need for it. And I even say: "Listen, there is something that is wandering my mind." Everything can be a dealbreaker. It depens how much I like this person and how much I can think about a future relationship. Love can stand and handle so many decisions. If I love my wife, I can take a step back. If I took too many steps back it can be a dealbreaker.

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  • The first date, cause I have the same opinion

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  • As soon as possible.

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  • Pretty early on
    That's Important Information, so keeping it hidden constitutes a lie in my mind

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  • Probably on the 1st or 2nd date, it's a deal breaker for me

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  • I'm not set on having children. Either it happens or it doesn't, I'd be fine with both.

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    • I'd say quite early in the relationship, though — if they'd like children, they'll probably want to know.

  • Not having kids wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but wanting to adopt would. Only way I would take in someone else's kid is if it was a family member or close friend's kid and the parents died.

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  • good luck then

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  • early. i want a family.

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What Girls Said 6

  • You need to be open and honest from the very beginning.

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  • I could definitely see this as a major deal breaker. I would not have dated my husband if he didn't want children (biological) I feel like this is something you should disclose within the first couple of months so that they don't grow too attached.

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  • That should be discussed pretty early on because it can be a big deal breaker for some people.

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  • I'd say early on, they have a right to make the decision if they want to continue with or not

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  • Honestly, you don't even have to be dating. People talk about having kids all the time.

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  • or what about a surrogate?

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