My boyfriend didn't help me when I was assualted?

We were at a club and a guy sexually harassed and assaulted me. I told my boyfriend that the guy was sexually harassing me and had touched me and kissed me on my neck. My boyfriend made a joke of it then carried on talking to a girl and some guy. I spoke to staff who had no security and they said they would remove him. When I saw the guy again I decided to call the police. Whilst outside the club the guy approached me an I ran away. My boyfriend then left me on my onw. His excuses are he was drunk (we have the same amount but he was able to direct his friend to the club, hold conversations and make a joke of what had happened), h said it's the sort of thing he expects all women have to deal with so saw it as no big deal, he didint think it was that serious and he thought I was ok and could handle it. His reason for leaving me on my own whilst waiting for the police (after t guy came up to me) was that he thought I didn't want him there, he was looking for the guy, he was looking for the police. We have been together for 3yrs. There have been other incidents where a friend of his called me the N word and a stranger shouted it at me in the stree ( I am mixed and we are and IR couple) . On all those occasions he did/said nothing except 'how d you think I felt? I've never dealt with that before'. We are both 28 years old and in many ways he is immature. I felt completely on my own and feel like I can not trust him. I am madly in love with him and at one point wanted to marry him. What I'm really looking for is validation/confirmation.

Updates:
I should add I did not expect or want my boyfriend to get violent with this other male. But he showed no care towards me what so ever, at least 'are you ok? What do you want to do?' or expressed some emotion as to what had happened.

My boyfriend couldn't fight his way out if a wet paper bag so I really wasn't expecting that. But I have friends, female friends more protective and caring. Hell even a female stranger actually helped me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As Wise as an ol owl that I think that I Am here, dear, I can Safely Confirm... He doesn't care enough Nor love You enough for my own Satisfaction.
    I am quite sure tha the also has pulled some real punches in the past with you that have also shown you He doesn't Go to bat for you. I feel that deep down, no clowning around, He is Selfish, Cares only about his own self and Doesn't give a rat's Behind with You on his Mind. And just Maybe Everything Combined has been a Full Circle Problem Pattern within all of these '3 years.'
    Time to Look elsewhere and perhaps take a Break. As he Grows Older, he will Not Get Bolder but More... Sassy for his own smart breeches.
    You deserve better. You Have wasted enough Time in the ring with This.. Thing. Maybe it is time to Run away from this loser as well.
    Never Mind 'Madly in love with him,' You are Not in his own Hear, even when Apart And... Sadly, he is Only Married to Him.
    Good luck and Hoping you are feeling better. xx

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What Guys Said 18

  • Sorry darling this ain't that kinda story. He obviously doesn't give a shit about you. Either that or he's a moron or a total shitebag. Most men get aggressive when a strange guy just talks to his woman. Feeling her up at the bar would normally get a guy to screw a glass in the other guys face. I've seen guys getting stabbed to fuck for what you've just described. Your just an experiment for him. It's harsh to hear I know but better you know just now than getting a hard knock a couple of years down the line

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  • So he is a pussy AND a jerk? Good catch.

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  • I would say it it time to get another boyfriend, one who will be there for you and not make some joke when you told him what this creep did.. there are plenty of guys out there who would watch your back sort of speak and make you their number one priority
    if some guy did what you said to me and I was your boyfriend.. I would first of all be walking over to him and telling the telling the jerk off.. then if he mouthed me off in any way as I would already be mad.. well its parking lot time.. and he better run once he either walks out there with me or I drag his sorry ass out to it and once there there is no Mr nice guy from me and he if is not going to fight like the coward he is he better run... real fast

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    • That obviously wouldn't be a reason to fight him. Violence is never the reason only in self defense, that action could possibly put you in jail since your reaction would be that of a caveman from stone age. You obviously have not been raised well if you react this way. I get it that guys feel protective over their GFs but these types of reactions are nothing but barbaric. I would not date someone like that either.

    • Well I am sorry you did not like my opinion.. but I would have most likely put a great fear into him.. and I do think that I was raised very well.. but my dad left my mom with 5 kids to raise on her own.. and from a teenager my mom always said women are the ones you do not want to see get hurt from any guy.. or taken advantage of.

      I do not like violence either and maybe made it sound a bit more dramatic then it should have been.. but that to me would be very low for him to do that and I would not just let him just walk away smiling with his big ego in tact

  • I am sorry but u deserve a better person, if this happend and he didn't reacted imagine you have to spend life with him there will be millions of time u will need him after getting married remember married life is like abicyle ride both wheel should work together to create a balance

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  • He seems like a pussy. If he can't defend you and stand up for you, what's the point in having such a guy?

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  • He's just shit, he doesn't deserve you

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  • What a wuss ! What do you find in that guy?

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  • So what did you expect your boyfriend to do confront the guy and try to beat him up? He could have gone to jail for that is that what you wanted? He could have just called the cops for you, but you have a phone too. Either that or he is just yellow.

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    • See my reply to a similar response.

  • what a great job picking boyfriends

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  • "... I can not trust him. I am madly in love with him..."

    There's your trouble.

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    • Sorry, that was short. What I mean is, trust is kind of a big deal. If you think that has been breached, there's a much bigger problem.

      And out of curiosity, what, specifically, could he have done that would have made things ok?

    • H could have shown concern for me. He could have shoes some emotions such as being angry or worried.
      There are many non-violent ways he could have reacted.
      He could have had words with the guy.
      He could have asked me what I wanted to do and in that way support me rather than acting as if he is annoyed.
      He should have stayed with me as I waited for th police, especially as perp knew where I was and was brazen enough to come up to me again.
      He could have supported me in a number of ways but he did not.

      And yes you are right. It's very difficult when the heart is involved even though I know what I should do.
      Thank you for replying

  • Yeah. ... Leave him...

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  • Need a new boyfriend honey.

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  • Well it's your problem, not his. It's not is job to protect you.

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  • Well , you have a girlfriend.

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  • Look its pretty f'ing clear either get used to it or get rid of him ok dont drag this out.

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  • Example of why i don't go to clubs anymore. How old are you guys again?

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    • It was a restaurant/bar not a club. But also this is the reason I don't go to clubs either

  • What did you want him to do about it? At the time you were no longer in danger, so other than making the situation worse I really don't see what he could have done about it. The law is very clear on these matters. Men are not allowed to go and beat up the guys that mistreat the women we care about. If he did then he would end up in jail, as some piece of shit feminist would use his arrest as proof about how much more violent men are than women.

    If we lived in a society that didn't condemn violence the way it does, then it would allow men to settle things differently. In fact I really think we need to bring back dueling laws, in order to settle matters of honor. You can not, however expect guys to run over and kick another mans ass, just because you say so, under our current social and legal expectations. There wasn't anything he could do. In fact there is nothing a cop could have even done, without evidence of the assault.

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    • You obviously didn't read my post, so I will redirect you to it as I have answered this question plenty of times already. Next time it will save you the time

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    • No he couldn't ask you if you were okay, because he knew the answer would then most likely prompt him to take action, which would lead to violence. If he wanted to avoid getting hurt his only choice was to avoid the situation, and make light of what had happened. He already knew you were okay as you were standing there talking to him, so anything beyond that would have showed that you expected him to take action, which even if you won't admit it, is clearly what you want.

      But sure get all upset and try to insult me, just because you don't understand the basics of men. Men by nature become violent to protect women, something men are taught to repress in our society, but is still there. Anything he could have tried would have lead to violence. Women desire men that will get violent to protect them, yet society teaches women, that you don't really want that, even though you clearly do. Women still desire men that fit the male gender role of protector. Go out with a cop or something.

    • Im sorry I didn't read ur reply because you are actually trolling this question now. All the best to you

  • just leave him. Madly in love doesn't equal good for you. There is over a million guys on this earth. I'm sure you will fall madly in love with a better guy.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Dude. Break up with him. Your whole life will be him letting you down as he's immature and insensitive.

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    • Yes! you are absolutely right.

  • He's a total pussy and doesn't gaf about you. You need a real man. It was right for you to go to security and he didn't need to beat them bloody but he could have shown concern. What a schmuck!

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  • Wow. That's messed up, a guy can't touch me without my boyfriend hitting him. You shouldn't be so scared you run away from this guy that is definitely when you're man should of took you and left or said something to the guy. Making a joke is really low.. I'd have to tell him if i were you that you don't want to go out anymore because, it sounds like you go out by yourself. If you do bring those protective friends so you don't get hurt by some creep at the bar. Good luck! Sorry to hear that.

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  • ugh. I'm going to have second thoughts about him. if my boyfriend is in trouble, even if I'm a girl. I will help him.

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  • He doesn't care about you at all. I wouldn't laugh at a stranger who said that.

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