I see a lot of opinions that single moms shouldn't date. How old should the kids be before she tries to date, or does that not matter?



  • 5 years old
    14% (4)4% (1)10% (5)Vote
  • 8 years old
    14% (4)4% (1)10% (5)Vote
  • 11 years old
    7% (2)0% (0)4% (2)Vote
  • 14 years old
    4% (1)4% (1)4% (2)Vote
  • 18 and out of the house
    18% (5)8% (2)13% (7)Vote
  • It doesn't matter, she's ruined for life
    0% (0)17% (4)8% (4)Vote
  • It doesn't matter if the guy is a good guy
    43% (12)63% (15)51% (27)Vote
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Why do men assume that there's drama with the father? Is it because they know they'd create drama if they were the father?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of women create drama with the fathers. She may have tricked the guy into getting pregnant, and enjoys using the kid as a weapon to punish the father for not remaining trapped like she expected him to. Then they expect her new man to constantly side with her, and want him to out alpha the father while he is around, so that the father can see she found a better man.

    Of course not all single mothers act that way, but the ones that do, are so insane it leaves a lasting impression on a guy. Often it may even be women in his own family that acted like that, so he may think it is normal.

    I don't want to date women with kids, because that always leaves me feeling left out. Imagine if you were with a man that had kids, and you had no kids. The kids love him and not you, he loves his kids more than he loves you, and you love him and possibly even love his kids. You are stuck being the least cared about person in the relationship forever. That doesn't make for a happy relationship. I can't speak for all guys, but that is the probelm I have dating women with kids.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • every situation is diff. my 2 children are under 10 and love my boyfriend. no father drama. he and i are clear with our new life. however, my boyfriend was very involve with his ex. s son. he played a much bigger role in their life. he was the "father" the "husband". because that boys father created a new family. (hope this make sense lol)
    (one kid is much easier)

    now that my kids fathers (my ex. husband) has 1/2 time with the kids. my boyfriend feels out of place and overwhelm at times due to having 2 very active kids around. I sense that at times he doesn't want to be around however i can tell he loves these kids.

    so i feel resentful sometimes that he is not being as nice to me as he did with his ex.

    every situation is diff.

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    • there are times i do wonder why so many single moms chose not to date. have you ever talk to your mom about it? your father in your life?
      the truth, its not easy.

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    • Voice txting... let me try that again:

      As a single mom who has chosen not to date, it's because I gave up. When I was first divorced I was really hopeful that there was some future for me and that I could have another romantic relationship, be loved, and find someone to love in return. I learned very quickly that the only men who date divorced women are players. That we are seen as damaged goods.

      I also realized how really difficult it is to work full time, maintain a home, take care of a child and dog, commute an hour each way, and just stay sane. I don't have time for friends, let alone dating.

      I basically figured out that this is my life and I just have to be committed to singleness and my son until he's out of the house. He's starting high school next year so that means I have four more years with him. I have decided just to make the best of that time... not to mention getting out of debt and figuring out some way to pay for college!

    • @Punkin45 Yes, that's how my mom feels. I just want her to be happy so badly.

What Guys Said 9

  • Single moms shouldn't date until the kid is well into their late teens.

    Most men do not look upon single moms favorably. In majority, men will date single mothers because guys know the woman is desperate for love, affection, financial help and a father figure for the child. These men essentially prey on the mother's weakness and use her for sex, but never really consider her a potential partner to stay with. Single mothers that date are usually wined, dined for a few weeks, used for sex and dumped. Much to the detriment of the child who will see multiple men come and go, treating the mother like crap. Furthermore, the child is highly likely to reject the step-dad if he comes into the picture when the child is around 10-18 years old. Children are much more accepting of a step-dad if he comes into the picture when the child is very young, or becomes an adult at 18 years old (because by that time, they want their mom to find happiness with someone else. As a teenager, they are just mad that... yet another man is interrupting the family structure).

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    • Why are you assuming the girl's a slut?

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    • I fantasized about having a man who would love and care for us, teach me how to drive, and be there for stuff at school. If I ever get married, which I doubt, I'd rather have my brother walk me down the aisle then my dad.

    • He got his mistress pregnant and married her. They have 3 kids now. He doesn't care about us. He just cares about his new family.

  • Doesn't matter
    SO LONG AS
    > they are protected from a revolving door of guys = becoming callus to investing emotions in them b/c they always leave
    > they are baby-sat very few times/week with someone family, caring & loving as if a vacation, life normal otherwise

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  • Let me get this straight as a guy who won't date a single mother- NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU SHOULDN'T DATE. PERIOD.

    But wait.. I just said that I won't date a single mother, what about it?
    You read it right. It is my OWN opinion and it shouldn't be enforced on anyone else. Similarly, all the other guys who say they won't date a single mom are presenting their own opinions like the many guys who WILL date single moms.

    Now let me give you a guy's overview about the situation
    1) We are not sure whether she really likes us or going for us because she's desperate
    2) We are not sure if she is a really dumb girl who hastily takes important decisions in life just to get fucked up further in life
    3) We are never sure that her child (ren) will ever like us even though we put in 100% of what we can. What if 3 years down the line.. now that I am too attached to her and her child refuses to accept me and treat me like shit. If I leave, I'll be called an asshole by society, if I stay, i'll be called an asshole by her child (ren).
    4) What if she keeps comparing us to her previous husband, then what?

    You see.. nobody is stopping you from the act. People are just warning you about the consequences. But, different people have different minds and what might be troublesome for one guy can be a challenge to others. So, find a guy who is ready to take you as you are.

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    • First of all, I'm not asking about me. Secondly I find it astonishing that you asdume the woman's "desperate". I also find it astonishing everyone assumes that she wasn't married to the father. Just crazy what the stereotypes are.

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    • My mom isn't like that. She was married for twenty years. I'd like her to be happy and so would my brother. It sucks cuz no one would go out with her after my dad left and now she says she's too old.

    • So who is telling you that YOUR MOM is like that? Nobody.
      I just gave you an overview of a guys' minds so that you understand it better.
      You might treat your step dad nicely.. will every other girl out there do the same? Tell me that?
      What if she hates him so much that she charges false molestation charges and what not (yes, such incidents happen) to get him out of his life?
      That will not be accepted by society. You get my point?
      YOU PERSONALLY MAYBE GOOD. All step kids are not.

  • I don't think the age of the kid matters because a woman can get a baby sitter while she goes on dates. I think the main issue is guys don't want to deal with baby daddy drama when dating a girl with kids. If the baby daddy comes around it causes so much drama and stress.

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    • What if there is no father in the picture. Or what if she is divorced with a custody agreement?

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    • Got it, thanks.

    • Your welcome.

  • Who's business is it apart from hers? I hate the way they try and potray the public as one big gang working towards a common goal. It's nonsense. We're just a bunch of strangers trying to survive and be happy.

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  • Its one hu. dred percent up to the girl. If she wants to date, go ahead, its still a free country.

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    • The point is guys won't date single moms.

    • The guy across the streer from me dates a single mom and she just popped out anpther one. Same for my next door nighbor.

    • My mom isn't like that. It's just my brother and me. She was married for 20 years.

  • I think it's more so that men in general don't want to date women with kids from other men. You can date all you want, just be honest about it with him and realize that many men don't like the idea of raising another man's child, dealing with ex drama, being second to some other dudes kid, being with a woman that couldn't work shit out with the father of her child, or divorced a dude and took half his doe, etc. There's so many negatives that most men don't even want to get near that pit of spikes. Personally I love kids and I'm not afraid to be a father, but you'll never catch me raising other people's kids unless one of my brothers has kids and ends up dead in a car accident or something to that extent.

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  • I have no problem hooking up with a single mom, but at my age

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    • I would never seriously consider dating her, it would be a friends with benefits only situation. I feel awful, and I am sure it says more about me than her, but I want my first kid to be MY kid, and with someone I am already married to. I dont want the difficulties of having a child involved in a relationship at this point at my life

  • I've rarely seen many people give the opinion that single moms shouldnt' date.

    I have often seen the opinion that many guys won't date a single mother. That's not because they think she shouldn't be dating, it's because kids are a big big deal and someone just starting to date can as easily find someone without kids, rather then walking into insta-family. Most people without kids aren't all that ready to suddenly live a 'parent' lifestyle. And finally, while many guys will hookup with single moms, it's awkward to date casually. Because you're either avoiding the kids or you're not, and if you're not, the relationship RAPIDLY jumps to being pretty serious.

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What Girls Said 7

  • From the kids prospective, i think it was harder for me to accept that she was moving on and trying to date while i was a teenager.
    If the guys a good guy it doesn't matter. Date him. I would suggest getting back out there though before your kid turns 12. Despite thats when kids become more "independent" and stuff i think thats when I needed my mom the most. Now that I'm 17 almost 18 I seriously wish she would have got back in the game earlier. I feel like she'd be more happy with a guy. We go out and I'll try and point out guys who would be good for her and get her dates etc. Lol it's great.
    But to answer your question, if the guys a good guy date him. It doesn't matter.

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    • Also drama with the dad, i think there is tension between the dad and the boyfriend regardless. My mom was never aware of it but there was tension. I have no clue what goes through the guys head but I guess like he is your ex. And he is going to be a permanent ex in your life. It probably causes a little jealousy etc.

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    • I just want my mom to be happy. I feel like she's given up on love because my dad left. He got his mistress pregnant and married her and now they have 3 kids. He doesn't care about us.

      She trying to date for a while but nobody wanted to go out with her cuz she had kids, and I don't think she's had a date in over 5 years. She said she's too old now. She's going to be 50 when my brother goes to college. She jokes about it but I feel really bad that she's never going to know what true love is.

    • I feel the same way. (Are you 21 actually or?) Bec maybe signing up on online dating sights with her and stuff would be good. Or helping her with that. I'm trying with mine because its sad she's 50 and doesn't have a significant other. She's lonely.

  • I chose 8. I think at that age they are most likely into sports, school activities, etc. It would be easier to finally go out and meet new people for the single mom. But, to each her own. I think it's the mom's personal choice when she feels it's ok to start dating.

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  • I would not date a single father because of baby mama drama. But there is some one out there for every one

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  • The only problem I would have with a single mom dating is if she was prioritizing dating over her own child, especially if her child is young and still largely depends on her. As long as she can find a healthy balance and still properly care for her child, there is no reason she shouldn't date though.

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  • dont matter..

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  • i don't think it matters

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  • She should date as long as she's putting her childs needs before any date. I also think dating while the child is a newborn shouldn't be done at all, as she can't possibly have enough time to date since newborns require constant attention. So if a woman dates while her child is an infant that makes me side eye her.

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