Guys, is this guy blowing me off, busy, or just forgetful? He seemed interested in me but isn't initiating another date?

This guy gave me his number at the end of a college class we had together. We've been talking ever since and went out on one date he initiated which went really well and we had a great time. He was totally into me, he asked me to hangout again but i couldn't because I was busy that day. Then a few days later I told him that I couldn't continue "dating" him at least right now because things were complicated with someone I was seeing in the past, but I had a great time with him, still wanted to be friends, and that I would still like to hangout. So things have been resolved and ended with my ex (I let him know) and now I want to see this guy more but he isn't taking bait very easily. He texted me first the other day asking how I was and said we should get lunch sometime. He said he was going to check which day he had off work the next week (he said either Tues or Wed) and let me know. But it's been several days and today is Tuesday, he never let me know. He hasn't texted in 4 days now. Why would he say he wants to hangout but then not ever let me know? I'm just confused. I'm not texting him at all to ask if he got tomorrow off or anything because I don't want to look desperate. I feel like he might think he already won me over and now it's not a chase that much anymore because I am enthusiastic and free for our next date. I don't know what else to think. Why else would he text me first and say we should get lunch sometime and suggest days next week but then never get back to me? In the very beginning of ever talking, one of the first things he said about himself was that he was a very busy man. And I can tell that he is. But I'm just confused now. Am I being too easy? Should I play hard to get or is it too late now. I've been told that if a guy likes you he will make enough effort on his own to text you and hangout. I am afraid I have permanatley ruined things, I try to tell myself to forget about him but it's so hard and he's shown interest so I don't want to let go.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't read as complex to me.

    "Then a few days later I told him that I couldn't continue "dating" him at least right now because things were complicated with someone I was seeing in the past, but I had a great time with him, still wanted to be friends, and that I would still like to hangout."

    What kind of reaction do you expect out of that? You kind of friend-zone him and tell him you're unavailable to date, and then he's not aggressively trying to date you anymore (probably shifting his interests to other women). Isn't that the intended effect?

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    • If he was interested romantically, then saying he'd love to hang out is just a polite thing to say. No one says, "Aww, I was just trying to see if you could be my girlfriend, I can't be friends with you, that would make me frustrated" even if that's the genuine reason.

      So him kind of withdrawing and distancing himself when it kind of became apparent that the possibility of something more intimate and romantic than friendship was off the table is kind of a natural male response to this kind of disclaimer followed by friend-zoning.

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    • Alright I can do that. Thanks for the advice, you rock!

    • Good luck! Mostly just be careful with that kind of "let's just be friends" stuff. Even if you mean it as temporary, most guys will interpret that as permanent. Playfully doing the hard to get thing is not as bad as I think most people think, it can heighten the attraction to pursue a little bit (not too much or else it'll get exhausting), but saying, "let's just be friends" isn't usually perceived as "hard to get", it's usually perceived as "impossible to get".

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