14 year old engaged to be married?

So I am 14 years old and engaged to a man who is also 15, our families are good friends and we have been engaged since we were young. I really like him and I do want to marry him, but I'm worried other Americans will look down upon us because we are arranged together. Also is it wrong to have sex while engaged? Should I wait until we're married?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's no need to be worried about what others think, as long as you're truly happy with getting married to your future husband. Also, if both you and your fiancĂ© believe you're ready to have sex before your married, then who are we to say otherwise about both of your sex lives?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Americans, especially ones your age, are going to have a hard time understanding why you're engaged so you and why you are consenting to an arranged marriage. Honestly, it's just a cultural difference and there's nothing wrong with that. America is very individualistic... people tend to focus on themselves. There's nothing wrong with arranged marriages. :)
    As for the sex issue, just make sure that it's something you both want before you do it. Don't do it because you're engaged, because culture tells you to, or because you feel like you have to. Do it because you want to and make sure it's what he wants too. There's nothing wrong with waiting though, so just do what feels right. Goodluck xx

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    • *engaged so young

What Guys Said 21

  • Don't you have homework to do?

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    • Haha yes we can do that and be married

    • 4 years ago, you were 10 years old. Marriage is more than what you think. Its not some Disney movie or about sex like these pop musicians try to sell on the radio to little kids. In all honesty, you should go see a school councilor or talk to your parents about this. And if both parents from both families are okay with this... then i hope when you two get married when you're 18, i wish you the best.

  • It is wrong to have sex before marriage, at least in my opinion. As for being engaged at 14, that's quite questionable. I'm all for love, but you need to live your life a bit before you make the decision of marrying someone. Hell, even adults need to get to know each other before they marry and half of them end up divorced anyway. There's no guarantee that you will stay married 10, 20, or 30 years down the road.

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  • You're too young to get married.

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  • You two are just kids. You're way too young to get married.

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    • We can get married at 16 and we wish to

  • Impressive, since you are in a different culture you should follow your cultures customs if you find them to be along your line of doing. Otherwise have sex now or after, your choice.

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  • You are still very young, wait till you grow up.

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  • well if you guys are living an old fashioned lifestyle, maybe not. It all depends the lifestyle. If you are living in the jungles sure go ahead. But if not then its probably too young

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  • Are you from Saudi Arabia?
    It's not wrong to have sex with someone you're in a relationship with regardless if you're married or not.

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    • I am from America. Our families are from India.

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    • Yes but he is my oldest and dearest friend. I loved him before I knew what love even was.

    • I still think you should wait.
      Meet new people, learn about yourself.
      You're still too young

  • Disgusting. Wait until you are if she to be married, and wait until you are married until you have sex.

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    • How is it disgusting?

  • I'm guessing this is a traditional arranged marriage?

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    • Yes it is traditional

    • I figured as much it would be the only way getting marriage that young would work, and yes most people kind of find arranged marriages a bit strange, but depending on your culture it's normal.

  • oh my gosh. That's just way too young... Yes wait.

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  • WHAT THE FUCK.

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    • Why are you being so aggressive?

  • Wow this is just beyond disgusting.

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  • No, you are "engaged" to a boy. And it may very well be illegal to have sex at your ages.

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    • I do not understand what you are saying.

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    • Age of consent is 15

    • Then you have to wait until you're 15.

  • What country are you from by chance?

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    • I was born in America but he and our families were born in india

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    • Yeah. She is just unaware of the constituitionally legal age here.

    • @IndianGirl01 I am still going to marry him when we're 16

  • Are you Muslim?

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  • what religion

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    • This has nothing to do with religion

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    • I live in America. I do this because it is a family tradition.

    • that's stupid you are too young for marriage

  • Are you from India?

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  • If you do have kid sex, wear protection we don't need any more kids having kids

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  • Your fine. Just dont have sex until you are married.

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  • It is not wrong to have sex while engaged or even before then. But you kids are way too young to be thinking about that yet.

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What Girls Said 15

  • If at any point you find that you are not okay with being in an arranged marriage, then being an American citizen gives you the freedom to back out of the agreement. By law, you are not old enough yet to make that decision, and you are also not yet of age to consent to having sex with anyone. According to this set of laws, you are not even actually engaged because you just aren't old enough to fully understand the implications of marriage yet.

    If you care about being a law-abiding citizen, then you should wait to have sex until you are of legal age in your state. Otherwise, you should do whatever you like, but there is always the chance of pregnancy and the risk of legal pursuit (which is highly unlikely).

    As far as the arranged marriage goes, I think you need to make the decision for yourself, because romantic matters are of the heart rather than the brain. Your upbringing and your families could have convinced you that you like this boy whether you actually do or not. I am generally against arranged marriage, simply because I believe very strongly in the freedom to decide matters of the heart.

    Once you get to be 17 and 18 years old, you should be seriously considering whether or not you actually want to marry the boy, because you can't make that decision now, and your family is not legally allowed to make it for you. I understand that you're all for it now, but you should be open to the possibility of a happier life outside of an arranged marriage. I am not trying to change your views, I have no interest in making you a different person, I just don't want you to regret a decision you made as a 14 year old for the rest of your life.

    I hope that this helps you out!

    This has less to do with your question and more to do with you as a person: Why do you say arranged marriage is a beautiful thing? I noticed that you said that in response to many people, and I just want to understand why you believe this.

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    • It brings two families close together and you get to be friends for life with your first and longest friend. When I am 16 we can get married and my mother has already bought us the house.

    • That is very young, I can't imagine having been married for two years at this point in my life. You aren't old enough yet at sixteen if this boy will be good for you for the rest of your life. Marriage is a romantic thing, it is not something to keep you friends for life; you don't need a legal document for that.

      I understand what you said about this situation, I just don't think that it is the best way to go about it. Having a lifelong friend is very beautiful, and to be able to grow old together is even better, but you don't need to be married to do this.

      I do not mean to step on toes, I am in support of whatever you decide to do. Your decision is yours to make, and no one can change it once it is done. I hope that with this new information you can think about things a lot and follow whatever you truly wish to happen!

      I wish you the best of luck!

  • You two are children... I am American and arranged marriages are rare here, but adolescent sex, pregnancy and sometimes subsequent marriage are an epidemic (that's fortunately slowly declining.) wait until you're about 17 and 18, at least 16 or when you truly feel ready. From what I understand, traditional arranged marriages have a tendency to not work out as the two individuals grow up and evolve in character.

    Question yourself and evaluate why you want to marry this boy and spent the next 5 years developing a friendship. Make sure you know the person you are marrying and follow your heart, even at the expense of tradition. You can't live your life to please others, you have to do what's best for you.

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  • Yes. You'll both be completely different people by the age of 18.

    The most comprehensive study on marriage and age that sociologists cite was published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (USA) found that 48 percent of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared with 24 percent of those who marry after age 25.

    media4.giphy.com/media/4mQAsYNaFGbHG/giphy.gif

    Also I wouldn't recommend anyone under the age of 16 to engage in sexual activities.

    Early sex can also lead to medical problems later in life. Cancer of the uterus is more prevalent in women who began sexual relationships early in life. There is also a high rate of venereal diseases associated with early sex.

    2/3 of teenage girls regret losing their virginity.

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  • Arranged marriage? I didn't think those really happened. I guess just do what you want, but sex at 14 is a bit young.

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  • I don't think it matters! Thats just sad though!

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  • My friend who is 15 is engaged to an 18 year old. She's been engaged since she was 14

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  • I'm a mulim, and even I feel that's too young to get marry..
    but if that's the case, I'm suggesting you to wait the sex till marriage
    you're still young by the way to rush the sex

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  • Ur a little young for sex. U don't have 2 tell anyone about the early engagement. if I heard that I'd assume it was cultural, which it is obviously. I wouldn't think it was weird.

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  • Wait until you're married.

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  • Are you in a arranged marriage? Where is your family from so I can understand your traditions.

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    • We are from India

    • are you gypsies? Anyway, your following tradition by having an arranged marriage so you should follow by not having sex until marriage

  • you can get married at 16, but i think you should wait to have sex. you are quite young.

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  • You should enjoy your engagement, since it sounds like you love each other but hold off on sex. You are too young to responsibly raise a child.

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  • U knw its a CHILD MARRIAGE right?

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  • if it is your culture and traditional for you then follow what you think is best for you. If you have the option to wait, it will be better to wait to get married.

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  • I'm 16 engaged to a 19 year old but this isn't arranged this is free will. I mean I guess having sex at 14 is okay but pregnancies do happen and being pregnant at 14,15,16,17,18. Isn't cool and I wouldn't have sex just because you may get PREGNANT

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