Why do girls show a lot of interest on the first date, only to flake?

So I've had quite a few first dates this year already. Some were good, some were not that good and kinda boring but the problem is, I haven't gotten any second dates with any of them and I've met 7-8 women already off dating sites.

The ones that I did have good dates with will even say, hey I had a great time, next time I'm buying, next time I'll come out to your town, hit me up, etc. One of them even bought me a bag of coffee from her work. After the dates, I'll give them some space, maybe wait to text 2-3 days tops and they'll either ignore and not text back or if they do talk, they'll talk and then flake when I ask them for another date.

I just don't get why they'd lead me on like that and show interest in seeing me again only to flake. It makes me feel like I fucked up really bad and the worst part is I don't know why. If I'm not interested in another date with a girl, I definitely wouldn't suggest meeting up again.

Do you think it's because I'm meeting these women off dating sites and they're flaky, indecisive, have a lot of options, etc or there's something really wrong with me?

It's not even like I'm using misleading pictures. I even get told I'm cute, make them laugh, etc and converse pretty well but they still flake. I generally get a feeling if the date isn't going well and there's awkward silences and it feels like an interview.


What Girls Said 1

  • I'd say that there is probably something wrong with your approach, or they are just not that into you. I don't think they lead you on on purpose. They just want to see if they "click" with you before they attempt to get serious with you.

    • But that's the thing. I'd like to change my approach but I don't know what to change and it isn't about being nice, entitled, etc. Nor am I blaming everything on the women but the bottom line is it's hard to see what the problem is, let alone fix it when there isn't one present, ya know?

What Guys Said 2

  • Because it's the first date and you both are probably excited and have high expectation of one another. After the first date, you have a glance of what he/she is like. Maybe something about you that you are doing in the first date in which hinders your from getting a second date.

    • But that's the thing, I don't know what I'm doing. And it's not about being nice or entitled but it's like you don't know what made them be so interested in the first place only to pull a 180.

      That being said, the only girls that have wanted to keep seeing me were the ones I'm not interested in. Even with the girls mentioned, I don't just go after 1 and I definitely don't smother them by blowing up their phone. I do have a life of my own and am occupied with other hobbies and friends.

  • They have lot off options. That's the most likely cause.

    • Yeah and that's one of the double edged swords of dating. When you date, you can't just focus on one because they're probably playing the field too and have many options if they're at least decent looking. It's like looking for jobs and investing. If you put all your eggs in one basket and just go for one, it'll be disappointing and discouraging if it falls through.

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    • Have you used those before?

    • Well... no, I live in a country where girls are usually averse to dating, because they're too conservative. SO I would only be wasting my money if I signed up for something like that.