Where have all the values gone?

I remember the first time I went out with a guy -- it was the guy I ended up marrying. I was so happy and filled with notions of romance, family, and other concepts that, looking back, were very wholesome and innocent. I was in my late teens/early 20s when we dated and got married. Everything I learned sexually I learned from him. He had a bit of experience before we married, which my family told me was natural for a guy and would help make my transition to my first sexual experience easier...

Years later I feel so sad to look at the many questions and posts here that have nothing to do with real relationships, with finding love or creating a healthy sexual relationship. There are SOOOOO many games and perverted posts/questions, OH, AND THE ENDLESS TROLLING. It's very disheartening.

Where has the value for a loving and respectful relationship gone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My kids are the same way as @Dred1614 said, so I'm pretty sure there are more like-minded individuals that shares and practices the same values as this man does, so all is not lost.

    It's funny how you put that though because if our grandparents and great-grandparents were alive today, they would have said the same thing about us and where our values for a loving and respectful relationship has gone.

    Back in my father's days, he told me he used to go to the woman residence and serenaded her. This method of courtship was also during my grandfather's generation too. Their style in courtship still can be found in our generation and the generation after us, but it's like one in a million (figuratively speaking).

    Courtships has been replaced by dating. Now, you can date as many men and women you like and choose which is more compatible with you before you dive into a committed relationship. Sure in some countries, courtships are still being practiced up to this day, untouched by the western world.

    The most we can do, is guide them and hope to impart some of that lost legacy into the new gens.

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    • Yes, but it's too much action with no intention, which bothers me. Yes, I think I do have very conservative values -- I was raised that way. I like the idea of dating, but I don't like the way it's done now. I do think courtship was a healthier way to go.

    • Thanks! 😊

    • My pleasure. :)

What Guys Said 6

  • Short answer: out the window a long time ago. I still hold on to them, as do many of my friends/family.

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  • I can see you are still very innocent. Being innocent is fine when you are still a kid, but there comes a time when innocence must go. It's time for you to look further than just what your family told you and finally discover the world. The values are still there, you are just looking at life throuh the eyes of a child.

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    • Yes, but it's the only way I know how. I don't think it's wrong to be innocent; it's possibly expected for women more than for men. I just don't like the types of things I'm seeing out in the dating/singles world right now. From the time I married to now it feels like people have drifted way too far from some important core values.

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    • Stop being such a dbag. I can SEE it I just don't like the direction it's gone.

    • How can you have seen it all this time and still be surprised?

  • You have several things to thank. Mostly the feminism movement in America. I can say that around the world there isn’t such a set of unrealistic expectations being forced upon young girls. Expectations like; you can have unemotional sex with anyone you want, your man should be gentle, cry, have soft hands, smell nice, treat you like a princess, do half or more of everything and be your shining knight. Hollywood and Cosmo have created this fantasy notion that women should be men and men should. That the Carrie Bradshaw character is how it’s supposed to be. Add to it that we now live in a “microwave” society where we expect everything to be perfect and if it’s not we move on to the next thing. Porn has become easily available and is the primary teacher for many about sex. Pile on all these idiotic apps like Tinder and such and you have a cesspool of Idocracy forming the basis of relationships and sexual interaction.

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    • No, I don't think it has anything to do with the feminist movement. I think women can have equal rights to life, liberty and the whole constitution without having to struggle through one-night stands. Having sex with whomever you choose and having sex with anything that moves is not the same thing... And referencing programs like Sex in the City is exactly the sort of cliche problem that causes the misconceptions of male/female roles to be propagated.

      The microwave society ensures that nothing is perfect. Ever microwaved a pizza? Yuck.

      Porn has been around since Biblical times and generations have still muddled through. It's way too readily available in the sense that people who don't consider themselves part of the porn industry (name a random politician or even teen) are willing to sext body parts to whomever they please -- or as profile pics on FB, GAG, Tinder, and what have you. It's quite the mess...

  • It's the last days of Rome.

    I'll be honest, there aren't any marriageable girls left (mostly because they're all used up sluts now) And if there were, I wouldn't want to raise kids in this culture or climate.

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    • Yes, I was thinking about the next generation... I feel very sad for them.

      There are many women who I'd consider "wife material" in terms of their values, etc. -- and attractive women as well by current standards -- but they're closer to my age than to yours. I'm not quite sure HOW girls in their very early 20s are today. If they're like some of the sassier 16-23yo writers on GAG I'd be pretty nervous.

  • Women threw it in the trash when they started sleeping with guys without being in a relationship. Men put up with a lot from women just to get layed regularly. But now that they can get layed so easily, why put up with womens shit. You wanted everything in relationships to be mainly about women so now why would men want relationships. Sex was the only thing that forced us to put up with it.

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    • (1) Sounds like you want a man.

      (2) If men didn't push for one-nighters there would be no one-night stands. If there were more gentlemen there would be fewer battered women and bastard children pushing for rights.

  • Now, this is a story all about how
    My life got flipped-turned upside down
    And I'd like to take a minute
    Just sit right there
    I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
    In west Philadelphia born and raised
    On the playground was where I spent most of my days
    Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
    And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
    When a couple of guys who were up to no good
    Started making trouble in my neighborhood
    I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
    She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
    I begged and pleaded with her day after day
    But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way
    She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
    I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
    First class, yo this is bad
    Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
    Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
    Hmm this might be alright.
    But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
    Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
    I don't think so
    I'll see when I get there
    I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
    Well, the plane landed and when I came out
    There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
    I ain't trying to get arrested yet
    I just got here
    I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
    I whistled for a cab and when it came near
    The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
    If anything I could say that this cab was rare
    But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'
    I pulled up to the house about seven or eigth
    And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
    I looked at my kingdom
    I was finally there
    To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

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    • I'm sure you did your part to contribute to that population. And what do we call guys who do the same?

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    • I don't think so... Perhaps insecure, unhinged dbags who need to degrade other people to make themselves feel like men.

    • 👃🏻
      👆🏻

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