Why don't guys (even ones I know) ever approach me?

I feel like I'm a friendly person and am easy to get along with. I'm not amazingly gorgeous, but I'd say I'm relatively attractive. And I'm not an airhead either. I speak three languages and do medical research, so I don't think it's because I come off as "dumb" or anything.

All of the guys I know will look at me (and maybe check me out?) but are totally cold when I talk to them. Is my personality just sucky?

  • Your personality sucks
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  • You're not attractive enough for them to consider you
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  • You're not particularly appealing in general
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  • Other
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Interesting. Think of where you generally stand on the following continuums:

    1. Rational/Irrational
    2. Idealistic/Materialistic
    3. Optimistic/Cynical
    4. Extroverted/Introverted
    5. Dominant/Submissive
    6. Skeptical/Dogmatic
    7. Serious/Humorous
    8. Contemplative/Impulsive
    9. Vanity/Modesty
    10. Active/Sedentary

    If you find yourself positioning yourself in areas on these continuums that are atypical of most females, that explains why you're not attracting many men. Of course, physical appearance can override these considering men can be very horny animals. But any sustained relationship would require compatibility in these regards.

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    • I have mixed feelings about this response. On one hand, it's definitely the best response on here and on any forum I've seen with other girls who have this same issue. On the other hand, it feels so constricting. I'd classify myself as highly extroverted and humorous, and more on the dogmatic end. It almost feels like with this classification you're not really allowed to have an individual personality if you want to be seen as attractive to men.

    • Issues are diverse and difficult to anticipate at times, so think of it as less of a label and more about which side of the continuum you'd find yourself in a given situation.

      These aren't entirely exclusive of one another. You can be "mostly" idealistic, with some material aspirations. You can be mostly dogmatic, but questionable about certain things.

    • If you were to ask men where they'd prefer their women and compare results, that would be revealing.

Most Helpful Girl

  • resting bitch face would be my guess from your profile pic

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What Guys Said 19

  • They may be just shy, or it might be your approach, or a combination. What do you usually do when you talk to them? How do you do, say, talk about?

    Also your expression in your profile pic, do you do that a lot? You look a little pissed, not exactly a "come hither" look.

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    • That's true. I've gotten a lot of that so I changed my photo to not look as pissed off. Now I won't look like I want to kill people lol

    • Its not your photo, you might look like tgat more often than you realize. I had a similar problem, people always said I looked "pissed" even when I wasn't.

      Anyway, as I said, what do you do when you appraoch/talk to them? What do you do/say/talk about? It might be something simple you can fix.

  • A certain combination of factors have to be in place for that to happen. Things like:
    -the place where you are. Is it calm, Does it allow a conversation? or is it full of people and everyone will notice what's happening?
    -do you seem available? The way you act, the way you present yourself, or the hints that you throw or not throw at them. please read www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1908388-can-you-admit-that-some-girls-intimidate-you
    -he has to be attracted to you somehow... smile/eyes/hair/body...
    -he has to be single
    -he has to have confidence to move at the signals you may give, or the "availableness" that you show
    -the place also defines the type of people that frequent it and their goals on the type of girl they're pursuing

    As you can see it's a combination of factors (and many more) that may not be easy to fit into ones lives

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  • You're not particularly appealing in general

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  • You're attractive, AND smart. Most men, especially average ones are extremely intimidated by you... three languages for fucks sake lol.

    If you were dumb you'd probably get a lot more attention, negative attention by jerks seeking a dumb attractive girl they can play, mind you.

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  • Sounds odd... there must be something going on. Do you think you switch up your personality at all when you're around the opposite sex? (either intentionally or subconsciously?)

    Maybe you inadvertently try too hard or anything like that where your normal/natural vibe becomes distorted into something else.

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  • Because guys are nervous as fuck when it comes to approaching girls.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9876-why-you-women-don-t-get-approached-or-asked-out

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  • A lot of it is just your personality and demeanor, which we couldn't be able to determine

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  • I tried but I'm too intimidated by your beauty :(

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  • because you got the resting bitch face

    don't feel bad though, I got a resting asshole face

    basically guys don't approach you cuz you look like you're annoyed

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    • I think that explains it for guys who have never met me, but most of these guys are guys I personally know who know I'm not a bitch. I'm starting to think RBF should be classified as an actual condition lol

    • oh well I don't know, what are the conversations like cuz if both of you just ask boring stuff like "what did you get in the class?" then that explains it. like who wants to talk about boring stuff?

    • I guess it depends on the context. I don't talk about anything in particular, but I'm overall a really goofy person and the kind of person to laugh/make dumb jokes and try to make any conversation tolerable

  • usually the answer to questions like these is fear based since approaching a stranger is not an easy feat.

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    • I just realised you were talking about guys you know. keep in mind guys you know might be worried about their reputation or how it might affect the relationship they already have with you if they approach. just because you are a nice person and just because they know you, it does not eliminate the fear factor. if a guy knows you, it can make things harder, in fact.

      and you are correct because you do look attractive/seem like a nice person, so I don't think not having those things is the reasons guys do not approach.

  • Intimidated. They can't handle an intellectual woman. They need crazy flirting.

    I've noticed, the smarter people are, the less flirty they are in terms of primitive flirting.

    They use more sophisticated wit, implied flirting. Most guys don't know how to do that.

    If the above fits your situation: wait it out till a guy has the balls to approach or dumb your approach down. I recommend doing both. Dumbing it down a little so that guys can feel able around you.

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  • By the sounds of it you are an attractive person physically and mentally, but you see to these guys who may well find you interesting this could well be intimidating, i know it's weird but most guys are dull and shy, defeating themselves by saying they're not worthy of you, wait until a man with higher value and a pair of balls comes along and trust me you won't miss or think twice about the ones who weren't.

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  • It might be your personality. Your attitude may have to do with it. Guys are intimidated by women they know also. Another thing men aren't taught to be men. To practice chvelvery.

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  • They think you're a vampire?

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  • I don't know. You are definitely attractive.

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  • I'm assuming you don't know how to flirt and show interest. So they put you in the friend zone

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  • Guys don't RBF attractive smile more.

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  • A probably

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    • I don't feel like I came off as "I'm too pretty/smart/whatevever". I just feel like I'm not ugly or unintelligent (two dealbreakers) so I don't get what's the problem

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    • I laugh at anything because I'm easygoing and think life is too short to take yourself super seriously. As for the second part, I'm definitely on the dogmatic side, but I'm respectful with my opinions. I don't force people to believe in what I do because it's an insult to their intelligence and to their ability to critically think for themselves

    • cool.

What Girls Said 1

  • They're intimidated. Approach them!

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