My boyfriend has been with how many girls?

After 2.5 years, I finally popped the question, "how many girls have you been with?"
My 27 year old boyfriend's answer floored me, "I think about 30, I was dating most of them... not just one night stands"

MOST of them? 30?

I'm enraged with jealousy, disgust, feeling incredibly insignificant and trying to figure out how to handle that incredible number.
I have no idea how to deal with this, should I be upset? Should I just get over it?

Updates:
I honestly knew the number would be higher than mine, that was obvious. And yea, I've wanted to know for a very long time but I predetermined that given his age, maybe 15 or so would seem normal, but 30 seems ridiculously high.
The more I think about it the more disgusting I feel for being with him. He's essentially gave it up to anyone. What makes me so different than those girls? How do I know that I'm not just steady pussy for now?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its funny how everyone is saying "just get over it" but if you were able to get over it you wouldn't be here asking this question.

    Best I can say is try to weigh the pros and cons and ask yourself if you think you could find someone with a lower count who will make you happier overall. If you think you can then consider breaking up, if you dont think you can then try to see if you become more ok with his past over time.

    Maybe see if there's something you can do together that he never did with his previous partners so that you have something that is special/intimate just for you.

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What Guys Said 25

  • As the Ace Man says, "More mystery, less history"
    You asked for it, now you know :-)

    I can totally understand your feelings, but you really can't hold it against him, it happened before he met you (hopefully) and if everything was fine for the last 2.5 years, then letting this ruin the relationship would be foolish in my opinion.

    Get over it, let the past be the past!

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  • I admit that the number is important, and I think you should have known sooner than that.
    "Tell me who you hang with, and I'll tell you who you are"
    It does seem a high number, and there isn't much you can do about it. I guess now you'll overthink it, and try to find reasons to turn that into a real problem. You look at him differently. You don't know what you really mean in his life, and those are all legitimate thoughts. Only someone blindly in love wouldn't overthink this kind of situation.
    Now, what do you do about it? Continue your life, I think you have to know the faults about your partner to be able to love them. Because it's easy to love the good things, right? It's when the bad stuff comes along that tests that bond.

    You say he spends 5 nights away, and for all you know, he could be with other 5 girls in time..., I guess that means that you'll be more attentive now than before. You'll try to look into details and read into it, always finding a way to accuse him, and find excuses to blame him.
    It's ok for a while, but don't be surprised when he turns out to be innocent and you realize that you've been stressing over nothing. But I guess you need that time of insecurity, only have to be careful to know when to come to a veredict and stop it. Just don't start accusing him over nothing.

    And most importantly, this was not his fault. It was just your expectations. Maybe he gets attached easily.. think about how it all started with you: was it super easy?

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  • Don't worry it shouldn't bother you if he is actually going to commit and he has been tested for STDs. If he's just like yeah whatever about it, then that is kind of a sign to leave him because he won't commit and he'll probably lie to you a lot. Some men exaggerate the number. I don't, I never really cared about it, I know how many fights I've been, and I've fought more men then I've bedded women. I'm not proud of either number though, I wish they were both 0 sometimes.

    It would be a deal breaker if a woman I was with said 30.

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  • So, assuming that it was 30 prior to you, he had been with 30 women by the time he was 25. Subtract the minimum age of sex, being approx. 15-16 and that would make it 30 women in 10 years. That would make it one girl every 4-months if it was spread out evenly...

    Mind you, guys have been known to exaggerate the number of people they have been with, and it sounds like he gave an off the cuff number so I would hazard to say the figure would be more like 15-20, which would make the ratio 1 girl every 6-8 months...

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  • A lot of guys are sluts but there is a good chance he exaggerated the number. A lot of guys do that and if he did, he may have been telling that inflated number for long enough to where he forgot the real number and the fake number may feel real for him. I'm serious. A lot of guys lie about that number. Regardless, he probably has been with like 10-15 at least though which may not seem much better to you.

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  • Hey, if you're asking that type of question, you need to be ready for a real answer!!

    Plus, if he hasn't cheated, what's the big deal?

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    • I have no idea if he has or hasn't. He has 5 nights a week to do whatever he wants.

    • But having had lots of girls is no sign that he has! Did you ask?

  • That's why you never ask Lol. Well at least it's been more than two years so you have that going for you. All u can do is try to forget about it cuz there's nothing u can do really

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  • Get over it. You can't change the past, but you can still decide the future. What you should be figuring out now is how to be someone worth being kept by his side. My guess is most of those girls dumped him simply because of his track record. If you dump him because of this, all you're doing is unnecessarily inflating his history and screwing him over for something he can no longer change.

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  • Why did you ask if you didn't want to know?

    If it was my and my wife i wouldn't give a shite, but i am not in your shoes.

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  • your insecure an i get that but you feeling this is your own problem an you either need to talk to him about it or sort it out by yourself, dont ignore the feelings, they're important

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    • That's a dumb answer. She doesn't have to be insecure to want a man who values himself and love and sex rather than some guy who whorls himself to anything that walks.

    • @BlueAngel0 fair point but who ever said he was whoring himself out? just because someone has a lot of sex doesn't mean their a whore XD and sadly that is insecurity if she's worried she won't match up to the other girls, why can't she just have confidence in herself? who cares about the other girls, seems pretty simple to me

  • Obviously you're way different, considering you're still with him and he hasn't ended it. You can't honestly get angry, you should've asked earlier.

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  • He's 27? Only 30?

    Bitch I'm 19 and I'm on 32.

    Oh, as for your question, why do you even care? We are free to have as much sex as we want, as are you. If we can't slut shame, you can't player shame. Deal?

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  • Why, who he has dated is none of your business, you can't judge him on that. But if your looking for a guy who has been with less, then that is your business and you can leave his ass for someone else.

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  • You guys got together when he was 24. So if he started having sex at 16, it means he was avg over 3 girls a year. The good thing about that is you've been together for 2.5 years so if he want more 'pussy' he would have left you long ago.

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    • Has plenty of opportunity, don't see each other 5 days a week. So for all I know I'm one of many he's with right now

    • Prior to finding out his no. Has he given you any reason to think he is unfaithful or a womanizer? If no you are over reacting which is normal.

  • He's a fool for telling you. And if he hadn't, he would be a schmuck in bed. Get over it or move on - your choice. Just don't marry him - he will continue to do this for the rest of his life.

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  • Well how many have you been with?

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  • I don't even care about how many partners she had, but I was asking my ex-gf for the longest time how big her exes dicks were. She finally told me, "at least 8 inches."

    In my head, I'm like, "wtf, so probably 9? Why are you with me again?" lol

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  • That's not so bad. I stopped counting at 30.

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  • As long as he is clean and loves you , you should leave the past where it belongs , behind you. I don't think you should judge him on his past before you. Only judge him from the time you've been together.

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  • 30 at 25? that really isn't a big deal. I know 19 year olds with 25

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  • I'm guessing he's a stud lol, I mean there's a downside to everything...

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  • It's really not that big a number if he started having sex at 15-17

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  • I wouldn't date anyone who's number of sexual partners is so high that they can't remember the exact number of people they've slept with. If a girls number is in the double digits then I'm definitely not dating her.

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  • Wow. So everything you guys have done for the last 2.5 years means nothing at the end of the day the only thing you give a shit about is his past?

    Yeah you should break up so he can find someone better. You weren't just another girl but now you're turning yourself into one.

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  • The past is the past plus you get the benifit of all his experience in bed

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What Girls Said 11

  • Ah, it's the question we all want to know, but will kill us on the inside when we do find out. I've asked my boyfriend many questions like that too that led to hurt, I felt all the emotions you did too and I can totally relate.

    I've learned its best to not ask questions if you know that the answer will hurt you. It can be hard because you're just dying to know on the inside and hoping he'll say something that you want to hear like "oh yeah, I've only dated one girl before you and it wasn't even as great as it is with you". We all would love to hear that but unfortunately we can't control what they say.

    I am sad that you had to go through something like that and that you have to feel all of those terrible emotions. :( My advice would be to take some time away from him, hang out with a couple gal pals to get your mind off of it, and go back to normal with him. It's a terrible thing to hear, but don't let it ruin your relationship with him. Just remember he's with you and YOU only now! Make your time with him better than it has been with any of those others! You go girl! <3

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  • Why did it take you so long to ask if it's a question that bothers you?
    2.5 years? That's something you should be asking after a few months at most if it's something that really bugs you. I asked within the first week because I don't want to get involved with someone who has slept with that many people.

    Now you are in a hard position. You either be that person who leaves someone based on their number after forming a connection with someone for 2.5 years, or you're that person who is with someone that has had many partners. It's really up to you.

    You have to consider whether it's enough to break up with him. Do you still want to be with him? Is it something that you think you can get over? Can you forgive him for it?

    You do have to remember that he did it before you met and have been together. It is in his past. He cannot change it, he can only prevent it in the future.

    You can't really do anything other than come to terms with it or leave. Those are really you're only two options. You should talk to him and tell him that it bothers you and have a discussion about it and go from there.

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    • Because I knew it was a high number, but I was thinking maybe 15. I've never been with someone with this kind of past, I'm not sure how to process it.
      I have been talking with him about it all night. He's freaking out. But I still feel like my confidence issues have all been brought to the surface.
      You are right about one thing, I have 2 options ahead and that will take some time to determine.

    • If he has given you no reason to question whether or not he is faithful to you, you should hear what he has to say and give him a chance. If you still feel the same way in a few weeks, then you know your answer (that you can't get passed it). At the very least, sleep on it for a few days.

      If he is someone that you love and you want to be with in the long term, then you owe it to him and yourself to try and work through this. It'll definitely be hard, and I'm not sure I could do it if I was in your shoes. I definitely understand where you're coming from and it would really bother me.

      And in the future, if you don't stay with this guy, you should really ask quicker so you can avoid this debacle. But, of course, hindsight it 20/20 :P

  • I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but if a man's sexual number was that important to you that it would destroy an otherwise good relationship with a man you felt was "right" for you, then you would have asked a long time ago.

    What I mean is, other things in your relationship are feeling wrong and not going right, and so this issue was brought up. His answer now feels like a legitimate reason to end things (logically), but it's more of a symbol of other things going wrong in your relationship. You may have been subconsciously looking for a way out.

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  • If it bothers you... it's a justifiable reason to break up.

    So tell me. Is it worth throwing away 2.5 years over?

    I get that information before dating because the number is important to me and I'm going to save myself the trouble by just not starting to date in the first place. But now you're dating and it's long term. So your choices are to get over it (something I wouldn't be able to do, honestly) or break up.

    So... your call.

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  • It isn't one of those "just get over it" things, it's a big deal to you and it would be to me too. I guess if it bothers you that much it could be a deal breaker, it could also be an open door to better communication between you and him. In the beginning of a relationship really would have been the best time for the facts to be known 2.5 years into a relationship would rip your heart out to end things. You have to ask yourself is it worth it?

    The only way you know if you are a steady source of sex for him is to ask. You have to ask what you are to him. You have to ask him if he is willing to settle down and stay with you and be happy with you. You have to ask whether you are number 31. To stay with him you must be willing to take a step back with your relationship even if it means starting all over with him again. You have to ask yourself whether he is a keeper or not, especially after you know this information.

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  • 30...😯? Got damn!!! He better had master his 🐈🐈eating skill's by now lmfao😂😂 jk seriously I'd be a little ehhhh upset too. . ok a lot, but it's in the past. You're the one he's with now you can't let this be detrimental to you're relationship esp after almost 3yrs and if he treats you well and doesn't cheat. I know a guy with a higher number and he is a couple years older and still doesn't plan on being committed to anyone. If he wanted to continue rising the number he wouldn't waste time being ur boyfriend and if you can't let it go just leave him honestly because this might drive him away you letting his past (childish past at that) get to u. We're women of course this will makes us emotional, but don't let it get the best of u. Good luck👌

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  • I would say that's a normal amount for a decent looking guy with a normal sexual appetite.

    He is 27 years old. Let's say he started having sex at 18, that means he's been fucking for almost 10 years. 30 women over the span of ten years isn't bad. That means he could have had Sex with three women a year since the age of 18.

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  • It's in his past, why would you care?

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  • Get over it asap

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  • As long as he was with them before he started dating you I don't see the problem.

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  • And how many have you slept with?
    Were they all boyfriends?

    His name is pretty normal in today's society. Does he cheat on you? Abuse you? Not give you attention? It's just a number. If you feel bad about it, either get tested with him or break up with him. You can't change that number

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    • 7, in 14 years. All committed relationships. The relationship is far from perfect. If I felt stable and happy in the relationship I wouldn't be here.

    • If you're happy, stay with him

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