Why are some "regular guys" good at dating and others aren't?

Take the Average Joe with a girlfriend. He's normal, well-adjusted, well-groomed, law-abiding, has friends, has morals, has goals. And take another guy just like him, but without a girlfriend.

Average Joe "A" doesn't (and never really did) have problems talking to girls and scoring dates and girlfriends. In fact, girls often flirt with HIM first.

But Average Joe "B" just can't catch a break. Girls NEVER flirt with him first. Whenever he tries to set up dates with girls, they turn him down. Or when they accept, they go on a few dates and then flake out completely.

Assuming both are in their mid-to-late twenties:

1) Why is this? What are some SPECIFIC reasons that these guys have different track records, despite their similar "qualifications"?

2) What could have started them on their respective paths? What kinds of things, when they just started out flirting with and dating girls, led to the kind of dating lives they lead now?

Updates:
Thanks for the detailed answers, I appreciate it. But why do I get one star?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well here's my view on this... Good question by the way.. I'd like to know what other responses are... The only problem with myself is... I have a hard time getting the chance to talk to woman... I get to dam scared, and usually run on the inside...

    But anyway I think I have some answers of my own that could be part of Average Joe "B"... I think in someway he's trying to hard. Some of us guys that aren't the best, or some guys that are still try to hard. It's about the personalty of one person, it's how you put yourself into the situation.

    Even if your friendly, and don't have problems talking to woman, it's how you approach each person. It's about the feelings you put out. Even if your friendly, and even if you approach each person, it really depends upon your direct feelings you form. Woman I believe are very direct in seeing those attributes. And if your trying to hard, and the things your putting out aren't genuine then the direct situation will be different from average Joe "A" to "B"

    Question 2 I believe is a very good one... The one thing I listened to, and read awhile back was about social conditioning, and how we where brought up within our lives... And the article, and the podcast had a lot of information that talked about how we were so conditioned at a young age:

    Remember when you were a kid (maybe three, four or five years old) and you’d see something you like so you’d look at it and touch it? Remember also how when you did that your mother would scold you and say, “Don’t do that?”

    Do you realize that the social conditioning we got from about the age of four to about the age of eleven was all about the things we should not do (and all about the things we can’t do)? Don’t look at strangers. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t smile at that person.

    Our social conditioning is the reason why so many of us out there now suffer from problems meeting the opposite sex. Our social conditioning taught us not to talk to people instead of relying on our natural instincts.

    ...Now of course it's not our parents faults, but it does show how we are brought up in different areas of life... Myself in general was very conditioned though out school, and in life somewhat.

    But anyway I hope that helps answer some of those questions, and I'm looking forward to hear some other answers as well...

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What Girls Said 1

  • 1)There's only one answer to this: confidence. You start attracting guys/girls attention once you become comfortable and confident with yourself. Once you accept who you are and what's great about you, the guys and girls will come to you. You might think this sounds a bit corny, but its so so so true and I can't stress it enough. I had no guy friends until I became comfortable with myself and now I have plenty. Average Joe "A" obviously has this self-confidence, while Average Joe "B" doesnt. Would you feel comfortable going out with someone that didn't feel comfortable with themself?

    2) Some people are just more naturally confident than others. Average Joe B could have had some bad experiences with girls, and his self-confidence is down or it could just take more time for him to become comfortable with himself.

    If you tell yourself you're never going to get a girlfriend, you wont. Stop worrying and itll just happen one day!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Average Joe "A" doesn't care whether girls find him attractive. He just goes for what he wants. He is a hunts. It may seem like girls flirt with him first, but they don't. He flirts and he may not even be aware he flirts.

    Average Joe "B" is intensely sensitive about his looks. He doesn't think he's attractive. He so afraid of rejection; he won't hunt. He'd rather scavenge; he wants girls to talk to him.

    I answered one of your questions yesterday:

    link

    I guess you didn't think this was such good advice, but I can tell you from experience that it works.

    This is from another question I answered yesterday on how girls view the guy who take action (hunts) v. the guy who doesn't act (scavenges).

    link

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    • Hey, thanks for answering both questions. I'll respond at length to both answers as soon as I'm able.

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