Really hit it off with a guy on the first date, but did *almost* sleeping with him mess my chances up?


I (19F) recently went out with this incredibly interesting, smart, and funny guy (22M). He picked me up at my place and we talked the entire way, like we had been friends forever or something. The thought of fooling around hadn't occurred to me until much much later that night (around 2am?) when I invited him upstairs for a glass of water since he had to commute home. Anyhow, we're lounging on my bed and he actually leans in and asks if he can kiss me, which I allow and one thing leads to another. We didn't go all the way, however-- but not because I didn't want to. He was incredibly sweet the whole way and did make references to a second date.

It's only been four days since the date, and we've been talking as usual-- but no signs of a second date just yet.

What I'm wondering is if fooling around with him might've ruined my chances of being taken seriously or am I just giving this too much thought? HUHUHUH HELP


Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone is saying "it's ok, great, yupi"

    I have to disagree. Imagine that he was indeed serious with you. He did lay all talk because he was genuinely interested. Then you call him into your home in the first date (i assume), and late in the night. And you end up fooling around, and he's the one that stops anything more from happening (this should indicate he's not just looking for sex, but also gives the perception that it was your goal)

    Put yourself in his shoes: "she probably does it all the time.. ". I would be seriously thinking about what happened. I'm sure he didn't even blink about this when he was with you, but later, these thoughts are prone to appear.

    If it was me, and I really liked you, then I'd be seriously confused. Because it's not about who you are, it's about what people perceive of you.
    And to answer your question: yes. I would see you with different eyes - as someone who could do that just with anyone who chats nicely through a couple of hours. Because let's face it, it may seem like you know him for ages, but the truth is that you really don't. I hope everything turns out for the best, and that maybe I'm wrong here.

    • Interestingly enough, he did ask me how many men I'd been with, so I'm inclined to think the same thought crossed his mind, hahaha. The truth of the matter is that allowing things like that to happen on the first date is unusual to me, but thank you for a differing insight!

      On the "stopping things" point, as well, he had told me (as well as all the exes who are my friends hahah) that he was "saving things", so I'm not entirely sure what to make of that.

    • Show All
    • *then you are left with a bit of emptyness, because our minds aren't that imaginative after all, and the whole thing fades out rather quickly. So, make it linger. It's a nice feeling to discover one another, don't rush it. The faster you go, the faster the thrill of "the new toy" will go away.

    • Thanks :D

What Guys Said 2

  • No, fooling around too early doesn't affect a man's feelings for you. At least in my opinion it doesn't.

    I would just wait and see what happens and maybe ask for a 2nd date yourself. But there is a chance that he may have only wanted to use you for sex and since you denied him the first time he doesn't want to put any more effort to try again with you.

    Lets hope that isn't true and he wants more than that and asks for a 2nd date.

  • No, it doesn't. If anything the guy will be excited that you're that into him and want to see you again.


What Girls Said 3

  • If a guy genuinely likes you he wouldn't care if you moved too fast because he'd be too in love with you to care. I think you shouldn't read so much into this. He might still be figuring out how you feel and might be hesitant about another date so soon for many reasons. Some guys really are afraid of looking desperate too.

  • It sounds all good to me

  • From what I can see, everything looks fine.. maybe he just doesn't want to rush it. Give it a week or two