Lost cause or just needs some time to grow up?

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost four years. We moved in together three months ago. I'm a graduate student working part time and he just graduated from undergrad. Two months in and he didn't have a job, so he desperately went back to working part time at the library he used to work in an hour away from where we live now. Despite sometimes talking about how he isn't satisfied with it (low pay, few hours, long commute) he has only applied to three jobs since. He feels like after he has been to work (even if it is a short shift), he shouldn't have to do anything the rest of the day. He also thinks the fact he was playing a new video game constantly for the last week is a good reason to have not done much (job hunting or around the apartment). I love lazy days on the couch, but I can't imagine living evey day that way, and I'm starting to wonder if I can truly be happy with someone who can.

Pros: We both are entirely comfortable around each other, he sweet and thoughtful, very supportive, AMAZING sex, and I adore him (think he is funny, interesting, and a great person)

im starting to get scared that this could be a deal breaker. It's only been a few months, so I don't know if it is time to panic or not. So I guess my question is, can lazy/unmotivated guys in their early 20s become functional adults? Should I stick it out and see what he can do, or pull the plug?


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What Guys Said 1

  • That is tough. I think you should give it more time. If he still doesn't change then he may never change. Dating somebody is way different then living with them. You probably didn't think things would be like this living with him. I hope he tries harder to find more work. He seems way to relax and laid back. It can be a deal breaker if he doesn't change and get better.

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