How should I explain to this guy my sexual background?

I just started dating this guy and things got physical pretty fast, which I was fine with. However, I told him that I was embarassed by how forward I was. I didn't want have him to think that I was easy or had loose morals.

Truth is, I have some issues with getting physical with a romantic interest because years ago I was sexually assaulted and that can really mess a person up. I knew what was happening was written but I thought I could handle on my own. I couldn't. I regret not speaking out sooner and wish I had told the whole story. With relationships now, it just feels so dumb to say that i don't like my arms being held a lot or that I don't like my sides being touched. So I didn't say anything and pushed through how uncomfortable I was. I didn't want something that happened years ago to fuck up what I have going on now.

When I am with him I'm always afraid that later I will regret not saying something or wish I had set more boundaries.

Long story short when he asked why I'd be embarrassed I started crying and didn't want to tell him why. I know I have to tell him but I'm not sure how to without freaking him out.

*wrong not written


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been through a very similar thing. And I have been with my boyfriend 2 years now. I had the same issues previously. I thought stuff it ill tell him the truth as I was also concerned about whether he'd freak out with the way I was being or freak out because of what happened anyway I bit the bullet and told him. It changed everything he understood how I was feeling and why I could behave the way I did. I'd tell him honey and tell him sooner rather then later. if he doesn't understand he's not worth it. =)

    • I'm just not sure how to tell him or how to bring it up

    • If you find it easier do it over a text or write it down. I told my partner that I needed to tell him something but it was hard for me to explain in person as I was scared of his reaction. So I messaged him whilst we were in the same house. Sounds so silly but it was easier for me and for him I think. Xx

    • I might do that

What Guys Said 2

  • I think you should go ahead and tell him as soon as possible if you want things to continue. It's not going to easy obviously, but as you described you two are pretty early on so now would be the best time if there was any. Hopefully you can both have a rational discussion and perhaps will help you deal with your assault so it does not hinder the relationship you're getting into now.

    • I'm just not sure how to bring it up without freaking him out
      I should've just told him when he asked but I was already crying and nothing else emotional needed to be added to the mix.

    • You just have to come out and tell him. Look if he's a great guy then he will understand and be there for you. You don't need to sugar coat it, just lay it on the line.

    • Thanks

  • Get help or he will leave you. I promise you that nobody wants to pay an emotional debt they didn't create.

    • That's why I'm asking for advice on how to tell him. I realize that this is an issue that needs to be addressed. So unless you have have something helpful to say, fuck off. You don't need to rub in my face what I already know.

    • Show All
    • Yes clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Unless you can make an educated and well formed response, please fuck off.

    • Wow, what an intelligent sounding response.

What Girls Said 0

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